I have words tonight

At least once every day I shall look steadily up at the sky and remember that I, a consciousness with a conscience, am on a planet traveling in space with wonderfully mysterious things above and about me. -Clyde Kilby

**** italicized words unfortunately are not my own but Classic Crime lyrics 

I was to young to know the difference

I was just following orders

When the glass shattered around me

I learned a good lesson about my disorder

So I went on an hour long walk at the magic time that is twilight under a sky painted shades of blue, pink and purple.

And I listened to music (mostly Glass Houses on repeat), spun around, laughed, marveled at life, stood in awe, and thought.

I thought about how crazy this year has been, how drastically different my life is, how much I have changed over the course of my life, and how I wouldn't change a single thing.

I thought I was happy

I said all the right things

I naively believed that my ship couldn't sink

But it did

I thought about how I finally am becoming comfortable with who I am--imperfections and all.

As I waded through leaves that were ankle deep and the brisk night air wrapped itself around me--

I thought about how I really do believe with all of my being in this God who is not safe but who is good.

I realized that above all else I want Him.

Wreck my life--take away everything and I still will have more than I ever need because I have found Jesus.

He has blindsided me with his audacious, wild, deep, bold, reckless and ridiculous love that is so incredibly different than the way I love.

Somewhere deep down you know the difference

Between love and following orders

But if the chorus I sing is offensive

It's proof that you've yet to address your disorder

I have discovered the secret to happiness and joy regardless of the circumstances that may surround me.

No matter what people do--no matter who lets me down--I will be totally ok.

And I mean that.

I can walk through life with the joy of a child who trusts her father to take care of her.I don't have to worry about anything. 

I can stand in awe at the beauty in life.

I can love generously and live without fear. 

I can delight in the wind that feels like it is going to sweep me away, the sound that crisp leaves make when I wade through them, the sound of thunder and the flash of lightning, and how good it feels to laugh and smile.

I can be ok with the fact that I am strange and embrace who God has created me to be.

I am imperfect but I am loved perfectly.

And that is enough for me.

Grace comes to those who wait

Comes to those who pray

Through tears they'll sing

We'll all sing

Looking Up is Good for My Soul

At least once every day I shall look steadily up at the sky and remember that I, a consciousness with a conscience, am on a planet traveling in space with wonderfully mysterious things above and about me. -Clyde Kilby

**** italicized words unfortunately are not my own but Classic Crime lyrics 

I was to young to know the difference

I was just following orders

When the glass shattered around me

I learned a good lesson about my disorder

So I went on an hour long walk at the magic time that is twilight this evening-- under a sky painted shades of blue, pink and purple.

I listened to music (mostly Glass Houses on repeat), spun around, laughed, marveled at life, stood in awe, and thought.

I thought about how crazy this year has been, how drastically different my life looks versus how I always pictured it turning out, how much I have changed over the course of my life, and how I wouldn't change a single thing.

I thought I was happy

I said all the right things

I naively believed that my ship couldn't sink

But it did

I thought about how I finally am becoming comfortable with who I am--imperfections and all.

As I waded through leaves that were ankle deep and the brisk night air wrapped itself around me--

I thought about how I really do believe with all of my being in this God who is not safe but who is good.

I realized that above all else I want Him.

Wreck my life--take away everything and I still will have more than I ever need because I have found Jesus.

He has blindsided me with his audacious, wild, deep, bold, reckless and ridiculous love that is so incredibly different than the way I love.

Somewhere deep down you know the difference

Between love and following orders

But if the chorus I sing is offensive

It's proof that you've yet to address your disorder

I have discovered the secret to happiness and joy regardless of the circumstances that may surround me.

No matter what people do--no matter who lets me down--I will be totally ok.

And I mean that.

I can walk through life with the joy of a child who trusts her father to take care of her.I don't have to worry about anything. 

I can stand in awe at the beauty in life.

I can love generously and live without fear. 

I can delight in the wind that feels like it is going to sweep me away, the sound that crisp leaves make when I wade through them, the sound of thunder and the flash of lightning, and how good it feels to laugh and smile.

I can be ok with the fact that I am strange and embrace who God has created me to be.

I am imperfect but I am loved perfectly.

And that is enough for me.

:)

Grace comes to those who wait

Comes to those who pray

Through tears they'll sing

We'll all sing

“Real freedom is freedom from the opinions of others. Above all, freedom from your opinions about yourself.”
-Brennan Manning

I love this quote. I know that it is so true for my life. 

Forgot to turn off my "time to leave my car and go into work" alarm last night so 0638 I am rudely awakened by a blaring noise to the right of my head and the first thought that flashes through my head as I blearily open my eyes, "It's awfully dark outside to be 8:15..." Oppps.
Though waking up at 6:40 on a Saturday morning is not typically how I enjoy spending my weekend--it worked out. I finished reading Opening Moves I started it on Tuesday so it was about time that I finished ;)
Then I went running upon stepping outside into the crisp morning air and seeing the whispers of fall as the sun filters through a veil of leaves that are on the cusp of turning brilliant reds, oranges, and yellows I realized once again being outside is good for my soul. As music echoed through my headphones and reverberated through my head I came to the realization once again that I am incredibly fortunate and God is so so ridiculously good.
And I decided in that moment what I want my life to be characterized by--I want to live a life that is known by infectious joy and I want to live as if I hold the secret to a meaningful life that everyone is searching for, because I am. I want to live as if I really get that I am forgiven, free, and deeply loved.

And I also came to the realization that I am still the 17 year old girl that I use to be--I have changed but I am still the same in the ways that matter most. And that relieves me.

Today was super long and I am exhausted.
There is my one sentence.
Ha.