I would not have created such a dangerous, furiously loving, paradigm shifting, rule breaking, wild, servant, feet washing, raw, untame, story telling, table turning, box breaking, boat rockin, riddle speaking, donkey riding, authority challenging, homeless, laughing, and weeping Rabbi who thrummed with so much life and was a friend of sinners.
And this ladies and gentleman is why I love Him so.

Grace and Love

I was just sitting here at my parents house and my mom is crying and I'm thinking.

How I don't understand love. How I don't understand grace. I can't put love and grace into boxes. They are beautifully mind-bending and at times heart-breaking. They frustrate me because I cannot categorize or crush them enough to fit into a neat, clean, and safe box.

It frustrates me because they never play by the rules I think they should and they never fit into any formula that I try and make them bend to.

And I love that.

They are much too messy and big and raw and rough and uncontrollable and real to be something that I could have created in my own little head.

They don't play by my rules and as furious I get that I can't control them--I am so thankful that I can't.

This is why I believe in Yahweh. Jesus is a thrumming, living, dangerous, loving, furious, wild, and real person that has come plowing into my life and I will never be the same.

I believe in Jesus because I would have not created a King like this in my own head. I would not give grace to everyone and I would focus more on works than love. I would not love myself as I am. I want to earn what I have...but dead people can't save themselves. I would not have created such a dangerous, furiously loving, wild, uncontrollable, thrumming with life, Rabbi.

And this is why I love Him with every fiber of my being.

After telling Ms. Sandra about the wonderful insanity that has been my life the past few months. She told me, "Well, it looks like giving is working out well for you." I inquired what she meant. And she spoke words over me that I want to hold onto and remember as long as I can, "Ming, your so happy it's written all over your face. And when you talk about it you have joy that's palpable."

Kids, give. And it will be given back to you filling you up and running over. You may never have the best this world has to offer-but you will have something so much better. Give your resources, your time, your laughter and smiles, your gifts and talents, give away your very heart and give away your life. And I promise the joy that will be poured into your soul will be uncontainable. Have a heart soft enough that it can be broken and given away. I don't promise it will be easy. I don't promise you'll be comfortable or pain free- but I do promise it will be worth it.

Conversation with an dear old neighbor Ms. Sandra who is in town for the evening (my mom became friends with her after she gave my mom a ride to the hospital when she was in labor with me)

Sandra: "I'm glad you got this job because someone was telling me you were trying to run away to other countries."

Me: "Haha, well I was trying to get a job doing that with Cure, but I need more experience...and I feel like this is where I am suppose to be...so here I am for now."

Sandra: "Oh, good because you're twenty-two and I know you feel grown up but you're still your mama's baby-and you don't need to be going places dodging bullets and getting leprosy right now."

Lol, I died laughing.

Sometimes I Forget Who I am

I glance in the mirror and I see a young girl look back at me.
A girl who's flaws are evident and many.
A girl with a million and one insecurities, one who is full of opposing juxtapositions, and is so incredibly far off from where she wants to be.

I sit down to peruse my old ramblings as an even young girl and I remember.

I read what I believed when I was seventeen and the girl that I use to be pulls me in. Her words warm me and fill me up. The words that she wrote challenge me and remind me who I am. This is who I am.

I am loved.

I was lost.
But now I am found.
I was dead.
But now I am alive.
To live is Christ and to die is but gain.

Love is here.
Love is here.

Run in the streets and dance because Love has arrived, Love stepped into the story and his name is Jesus. The God of the Universe, the Composer of this song, the Artist of the painting, the Author of this story that surrounds us, donned flesh and cloaked Himself in the skin of humanity to give us life. Fully man and fully divine. What a glorious mystery.

We so desperately needed saving. This world needs a Savior...I need a Savior.

Selfishness, hate, contempt, deceit, scars, pain, and tears were my lot in life until He stepped it. Jesus got down on a knee, lifted my head that was bent in shame, looked at the broken mess that I was and smiled. Smiled at me. He loved me. He loves me. And this is why I dance.

He loved me right from where I was at and that loved changed my life. I am His forever, wherever He leads I want to follow. My lips whisper forming words without sound. "Jesus, give me more of You. Please..."