Reaching.

Reaching,
Barely brushing,
Slipping,
Finding my footing,
Straining;
This seems to be my life. One minute I'm reaching for God, I seem to brush Him, my faith seem to be good, then I end up slipping down a hill sitting there for a while, then determined I find my footing carefully and unsteadily stand, straining to rise, then as I stand there bewildered I look up at that mountain which I can't even see the top of. It' so easy to look at the whole journey instead of just taking one step at a time.
It's so easy to get discouraged. To just throw my hands up in the air and give up. I'm never going to be perfect, I'm always getting upset of little stuff. I love things I shouldn't and I don't love God and the things I should enough.
Why can't I just accept and realize that I can't do this on my own? I just need to come to the end of myself. I just need to let it all go. Why can't I let go? I sooo inept. I can't even let go of things on my own, much less hold on to something so big. hmmmm