Despair.

Imagine being one of Jesus's disciples.
Yesterday seeing the one you loved most on the earth die such a painful death.
The most perfect person, die the death reserved for the most despised people.
The one you believe would be your Deliverer.
Imagine the confusion. disorientation. aching. misery.
I would be in utter despair.

I don't think anyone talked. I think they just walked around with a blank look of shock and despair on their faces.
But I almost think the more despair you are in, the more hopeful news affects you...

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Psalm 69:1-3
Save me, O God!
For the waters have come up to my neck.
2 I sink in deep mire,
where there is no foothold;
I have come into deep waters,
and the flood sweeps over me.
3 I am weary with my crying out;
my throat is parched.
My eyes grow dim
with waiting for my God.

Psalm 69:20
Reproaches have broken my heart, so that I am in despair. I looked for pity, but there was none, and for comforters, but I found none.