Longggggggggggg

Life feels complicated.

But...

Life is really simple.

This is my mantra right now.

I am a planner by nature. I am not organized with paperwork and school and all the little things of life-but my head is like a well run filing system. I can think about and make plans for the future as easily as I breathe. lol

So that being said sometimes I struggle because...well I like my plans working out how...well I plan them. And I struggle because sometimes I can't seem to find a plan that I like for a situation--so then my brain goes into overdrive and I start having a minor panic attack.

I think I'm like the majority of humanity--I like safety, comfort, and security.

I never like it when money is tight, I never enjoy not knowing the outcome of a situation, and I never like the monkey wrenches that it seem that God likes to throw into my well laid and if I do say so myself sometimes quite brilliant plans. lol

Today I was driving and my overactive mind was starting to get the better of me--my head starts going crazy and I start thinking about everything I have to do and need to do and how on earth is this going to work and how much I mess up and how much everyone else messes up and...well you get the idea. lol

And let me just say right now that I am a big big fan of Andrew Peterson. His music calms my seemingly ever active mind. So I flip on my ipod and start listening to this song.

There is more
More than all this pain
More than all the falling down
And the getting up again
There is more
More than we can see
From our tiny vantage point
In this vast eternity
There is more

There is more than what the naked eye can see
Clothing all our days with mystery
Watching over everything
Wilder than our wildest dreams
Could ever dream to be
There is more...

So I stopped freaking out--and had to remind myself--this stuff I am in the middle of, these decisions, these situations--are really not that important. I mean they are important--I don't want to diminish the importance of life and the choices I make here... But I guess what I am saying is that sometimes...well most of the time to me this life here--the daily grind so to speak feels like the end all be all. And it's really not.

There are reasons for the things that go on in my life that I may never fully understand this side of eternity. There is an aspect of mystery to this thing we call life--and that's ok.

This life that I am living right now--is just such a tiny blip on the timeline that is eternity. And what I do here does matter--but how I trust and how much faith I have and how I love is what really matters. Not how I do in school, not how much money I have, pretty much not anything that the world measures success by matters--lol now I just have to truly internalize this.