After All.

After All (Holy)

I can't comprehend your infinitely beautiful and perfect love

Oh I've dreamed dreams of majesty as brilliant as a billion stars

But they're never bright enough after all

You are Holy

Oh Holy

Holy, Holy, Holy

I will sing a song for you my God with everything I have in me

But it's never loud enough after all

Heaven and earth are full, full of your glory, glory

My soul it overflows full of your glory, your glory

Oh blessed is he who reigns, full of your glory, your glory

My cup, it can't contain all of your glory, your glory

Hosanna we are found after all you are

I can't comprehend

You're infinitely beautiful

I love the music at the beginning of that song.

I drove down the interstate tonight.

Windows down. Hair whipping in my face.

Under a beautiful raincloud filled sky

Singing this song at the top of my lungs.

As tears streamed down my freckled face.

And God whispered that He loved me and that he's got me.

As I probably blew my speakers out to be honest.

It was that loud.

And I'm sure the drivers in the cars next to me where wondering who the mental girl was next to them.

And the song is playing on repeat right now while I lay in bed typing lol

God knows exactly what I need and when I need it.

I needed that song today.

I wanted to listen to another one but got the CD's mixed up.

And I found that one.

I needed to start reading Sailing Between the Stars Saturday night.

Not the book I was looking for and couldn't find.

So I picked up that one.

God knew.

Without God at the center of the universe, without his smile on the edge of dawn, life would be avapor and mirage. But when he's present, all of life becomes drenched with possiblity; every moment become lined with purpose.

The idea that every moment, every life, every encounter could ultimately matter is the mostludicrous and necessary idea in the world. As soon as one life become expendable, all lives become expendable. As soon as one moment doesn't matter for eternity, the meaning of every moment is called into question. But if this moment is from God and for him, nothing is a means to an end. If everyone's destiny matters to Jesus, no one is a means to an end.

When I finally see that, a timelessness sweeps over me, borne of beauty and perspective. I realize, I am small, I am part of this world. I am a thread in a magnificent tapestry.

Life isn't simply a futile journey toward becoming fertilizer; it's a chance to dance toward eternity,hand in hand with the Poet of Time, while his stars, the glimmering jewelry of the night, wink at us from the sky.

Maybe someday I'll be able to look back and see the route up the mountain, it'll all make sense to myhead rather than simply to my heart. Until then I'm caught up in the thrilling romance of dancing with a rugged bridegroom toward the edge of eternity amidst the weird dreams, bad aim, and indecipherable miracles of life.

I read those parts over and over and over.

God knew that I needed this book in my life now.

I can't see right now.

I don't understand.

And that is ok.

Trust is what God wants from me.

And trust is what I am going to give.

While I stand on my tiptoes

Flinging my arms toward the heavens

And let everything that I've been holding onto fall from my hands.

He's got me kids.

He is never ever ever going to let me go.

And that ladies and gentleman is more than enough reason for me to smile.

God is big enough.

God is beautiful enough.

God is faithful enough.

God is good enough.

God is loving enough.

God is enough for me.

The end kids. The end.

Pain.

I learned from a young age that people can never be trusted not to leave you.

Friends come and go.

People lie.

People hurt people.

People use people.

I was about 7 when my best friend would have nothing to do with me because we left the church where they went.

I cried and asked God after praying for a best friend for years He would take her away.

Then the friends closest to me were caught in the middle of a messy divorce and I wasn't on the right "side".

People leave.

Maybe that's why I held on so tight for so long when I knew I should have let go.

I was so terrified that once again I would be left alone.

That no matter how much you love someone--they will leave.

It sucks.

But it's good.

If my life were easy I would never have to lean on God.

Had my friends never left me when I was a kid-I wouldn't know how to deal with this now nearly as well.

Had this not happened now I would not know how strong God really is.

God loves me to much to give me what I want.

And as much as I fight and squirm against His will.

As much as I shout at the heavens screaming for answers to my impossible questions.

At the end of the day...I am thankful.

I never thought that I could ever learn to let it go
Somehow its better when I follow in the paths You show
So I’m here I’m waiting
Cause I believe

This is so me right now.

Also love this song vvvvv

You see all of the pieces 
But I see a life I can mold
You see a bunch of blank pages
But I see potential untold

Before you give up
Before your heart breaks
Open your eyes to this picture of grace, and just

Slow down take a breath in this moment
Leave all the worries you're carrying
Be still in the midst of this madness
Let go of all that you fear 'cause
I've already set your heart freeSo leave all the changing to me

You see the doubt and the questions
But I see the wrestling with faith
You see someone worth nothing
But I see someone I can save
Life is a long road
So hard to follow
You feel like you'll never winJust trust in my loveAnd let me take care of the rest
So you can begin

Truth

God is seriously good.

God seriously can be trusted.

God really is faithful.

Jesus loves me.

He has so got this.

He has so got me.

And since He has me.

I have so got this.

I always would say it--and I knew intellectually it was true.

I knew it.

But I didn't know it.

Does that make sense?

But it's not an act now.

It's not just words to me anymore.

It's not just head knowledge.

I actually get it.

Took me 3 weeks but I finally got it. lol

I turned a corner.

Truth has finally sunk its way into all the dark corners of my soul.

Filled the empty spaces of my heart.

And it feels so so so so good.

Oh my gosh. lol

I love turning corners.

And I am so much stronger than I ever thought I was.

If I could alter any part of His plan, I could only spoil it. - John Newton

I actually get this now. I don't and wouldn't change anything in my life right now.

Any. Thing.

I actually believe that now.

I actually believe that I am not in control.

I actually believe that nothing I do or don't do will change what God wants to happen.

I actually don't need clarity.

I actually don't know to know everything :P

I actually have trust.

I actually believe I can rest.

I actually can and I am enjoying life.

I don't know how my life is going to look. I don't know what's going to happen. I don't know anything really lol I don't have clarity right now. I don't know all of the next steps of this dance He is taking me on. But! Ican follow. I have trust. I have faith. I have trust in my God's goodness and in unfailing extravagant love for me.

And that my dear dear friends is enough.

Bwha, I am Ming and I got this kids. So bring it.

Because I have so got this :)

Heyyyyy

I have turned a corner last night.

Reading my old blog--I realized that I actually love where I am right now.

I wouldn't change a thing.

And I am loving it.

And I'm not just saying it lol I really mean this.

When you keep screaming truth to yourself when lies are being whispered in your ear.

And when you blare music and read things that remind you of truth.

And when people who love you keep pounding it into your head.

One day it sinks in and you actually believe it.

I believed it last night.

I don't care anymore.

I'm not in control.

Insecurty is something that I've battled with my entire life.

And I've decided that I'm going to kick it in the butt once and for all.

By the grace of God-I love who I have turned out to be as "grown-up"

I'm not a fake--I actually believe that God is enough and that I am going to be ok.

I don't need a man. I don't need anything.

Jesus is enough.

And that makes me so so happy.

Even if everyone and their mother tells me that they know the perfect person for me and that I need to go out and date around. I'm good. If I'm meant to be with someone God'll make it happen :) Now mind you I'm not stupid I realize that I could go out and get a boyfriend pretty easily. I'm 21. I have a decent face. I have a nice figure. I'm smart. I have a decent personality. But I'm just not interested lol Boy are more trouble then their worth ;)

Somewhere along they way I thought I'd lost the girl that I use to be.

But I am still her.

I'm not new kids--but I am improved. :)

The world breaks everyone, and afterward, some are strong at the broken places.

Ernest Hemingway