Alive

 

After grabbing breakfast with Tyler, I was going to head home...but my spirits were too high, the sunshine was sparkling too brightly, music was playing too loudly, the sky was too clear, and furthermore the day was much too young to start on American Lit homework.

I therefore did the only sensible thing, I kept driving...for an hour I glided along the country roads back behind my place of residence.

These are the things that made me happy, that I thought about, and that I was grateful for.

And I am not even going to try and make this follow a coherent thought pattern because it did not exist in my head this morning.

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Out of 8 million other people that could have been-I am here. I am character that was breathed to life to play a small part for a short time in this epic Story--I am overwhelmingly thankful. May I play my part well.

I love

Barren trees reaching their spindly branches into a clear blue sky

Rolling pastures with white fences winding around the perimeter with horses grazing peacefully

Houses made of stone.

Old grave yards with trees hanging low around the stones.

The way the cold air bites at your skin when you roll the windows down

Being alive.

I believe in theory that prayer works--but I have a hard time believing and grasping that my prayers make any difference at all.

I am so incredibly thankful that God loves me too much to give me what I ask for when He knows what is best for me.

There have been times that I grasped at God and for faith with hands of full of pain and confusion. I have begged for clarity in the midst of senslessness.

And now I can laugh because I know that He is faithful, and I am loved beyond measure. SLOWLY I am learning that I do not need clarity-- I am learning that trust is better.

How incredibly boring would it be if in every book you read the characters always knew what was going to happen to them? This is why I do not need to know.

I have an amazing family, the best friends in the entire world, and I love the people that I have the pleasure of working with at the hospital.

I want to drink deeply from the cup that is life--the joy and the pain. 

Only Steven James could write a book that would make me go research quantum physics and quantum entaglement. Maybe when Jesus tells us to watch our thoughts...He knows more than we do-it's an amazing but yet sobering thought. 

I long for the day when I get to hear the words, "Further up and further in!"

Life is an awfully grand adventure.

Boom.