Tuesday, December 14, 2010

I'm going to honest.

I had a lovely time with my Lauren friend tonight.
She makes me want to be a better person and it revives my soul when I spend time with her. It is so refreshing to spend time who shares your opinions about Christianity and what Gods heart is.
We talked about how lukewarm people in churches
How God has called us for so much more
And how church has become a show and how we beg people to come.
And is that what Jesus did?

Now here is where I'm going to be scarily honest.

I kind of changed my thought process--and not for a good reason. When my boyfriend and I started dating--I changed how I thought about things because I didn't want to "scare" him off. I tried to become less radical--less crazy--less ridiculous. I rationalized it--told myself that I was wrong before.

Slowly though over the past year or so God's been chipping away at my issues. And changing me and Stephen as well. As I see how drastically Stephen's changed--even in the way he thinks about things, it's reminding me to trust God.

If he is the man for me--then God will be faithful to mold him into the man that he is meant to be just as he promised to faithfully mold me into the woman that I need to be.

And I need to trust God.
Cause when it comes down to it--it's a trust issue.
Do I trust God enough to give him everything?
Even my feelings?
Do I believe that God is going to hold my heart and my hand gently?
Do I believe that He works everything out for the good of those who love Him?
And Dear God--I want to love you.
Help me love you.

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