Friday, June 27, 2008
Jesus came for the people that don't have it all together?
Jesus came for the people with addictions?
Jesus came for the failures?
Jesus came for the misfits?
Jesus came for the moral misfits?
Jesus came for the religious incompetents?
Jesus came for the people who struggle?
Jesus didn't just come for the people that have their act together?
Jesus didn't just come for the people who are squeaky clean and look good?
Jesus came for...sinners?
Are you serus?
Do whatever you need to do to make me the woman that you want me to be.
Do whatever you need to do, wreck my life, mess me up if you have to.
Regardless of my personal sense of comfort or superficial happiness, just do whatever you need to do.
"God reaching in and changing your life is never comfortable, and it never comes in such a way that you can see what He’s going for. God uses circumstances like a blacksmith uses a hammer, and I don’t think the metal ever knows it’s becoming a sword when it’s being beaten, thrown into a fire, and then drowned. In the same way I don’t know what I’m becoming."
Every time I pray this I'm scared. I'm scared because I know God will do what I ask, but even though I'm scared--I want it so bad. so so bad.
I'm not a domesticated cultural Christian. I'm a passionate, raw follower of my amazing Savior, Lord, and King Jesus.
Also, apparently I read books that are controversial too. =P
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Oh I know.
I am so over pretentiousness, fakeishness, superficialness, loftiness, I'm so over not being me.
I so want to be; genuine, real, honest, sincere, authentic, unadultered, I just want to be me.
I'd forgotten what me was, now I'm in the process of finding her again.
Ming is a easy person to lose and a hard person to find--but I'm working on it. =P
Slowly but surely I will find her.
Monday, June 23, 2008
You say life is waiting for the ones who lose control
You say You will be, everything I need
You said if I lose my life it's then I'll find my soul
You say let it go, You say let it go
Anyways the following excerpt was taken from God's Blog--which is an amazing book. =)
"28. No Ordinary People
I want to blog today just to remind you about something.
I made everyone.
I love every sinlge individual, eccentric, weird, selfish, greedy, loving, lying, wonderful, selfless, pushy manipulative, whining, bragging, talented, lazy, serving, rich, poor, homeless, sick, influential, last one of you.
I love them all so much that I sent my son to die for each one of them.
Do you get this?
Nobody around you is a mere mortal. They were all created by Me...the Great Creator of All. They were created as spiritual being to live forever. As my children.
Okay...sure...they all, like you, do things that I don't like.
They all matter to me.
Now. Look around you. Think about your everyday life. Think about these people.
The people that work for you.
The people that you work for or with.
The people that clean your house.
The people who do your dry cleaning.
Those people who serve your food...at restaurants...
drive-throughts, doughnut shops.
The seemingly invisible people all around you every day.
These are no ordinary people!
They are My children.
I created and formed them with tenderness and love inside their mother's womb. As I said they are not mere mortals! There were put on this earth bu the Great Creator of the universe for a purpose, and they live with the breath of God inside of them.
So...how are you treating them?"
PS. I have mad skills in paint don'tcha think?? =P
Now playing: Tenth Avenue North - Let It Go
As Christians we are free.
How sweet is that?
Free from sin
Free from shame
Free from expectations
Free from guilt
Free from death.
God has dumped grace on us. DUMPED. Not lightly showered. He's dumped it on us.
For freedom's sake we were set free.
We weren't set free to a set of certain and strict rules--hardly. What kind of freedom is that?
We were set free to love.
To really love.
Grant it, when we are really loving then we will obey. But the whole point of loving isn't to obey. Rules are not the end all and be all. Pfffft hardly.
So open a window if you like and run around in a field. Spin around in a circle and collapse in a breathless heap. Laugh like you never have before and love people like crazy.
Love people not because it's a rule. Love because God loved you. Love for them because you actually care. [isn't that a novel idea?] Can we be like Jesus in that way?
Think about it--who did Jesus hang out when he came? Did he hang out with the godly rich people that looked like they had life figured out? ...what? no you say? Then who did he hang out with?
The least of these??? What??? Are you serious? He hung out with the people that were low? poor? dirty? immoral? The people that didn't have life figured out? He actually cared? He invested his life into those people? He chilled with those kind of people? Jesus came for those kind of people?
That brings me extreme amounts of comforts. Because I am not a really godly person who has it all together.
See I want to be like Jesus. I want to act like Jesus would act, I want to do what Jesus would do, I want to care like Jesus would care, and above it all [because if I get this the other three will come naturally] I want to love like Jesus loved.
He loved in a crazy dangerous way.
The way he loved didn't make sense.
Sadly I haven't been doing that.
God help me to love.
So people--hang what you've done in the past. Leave it and let it go. Forget it. If you've been beating yourself up about it--just let it go. Jesus took it all. Yes. All.
Now playing: Brian Colmery - Who Jesus Came For
Saturday, June 21, 2008
I love summer storms.
I just heard thunder--I love thunder.
I love storms in general. I love the crash of thunder and the shock of lightning. I love the way rain wraps around my house and the loud clamoring noise it makes as it hits the roof above my head.
I look out my bedroom window and I see green, lovely massive trees with hundreds of green leaves sticking to the branches. I love trees.
I don't want to miss these things because I'm self-absorbed. God, please help me not miss these things...
Afraid to close my eyes
So much can slip away
Before I say goodbye
But if there's no other way
I'm done asking why
Now playing: Tenth Avenue North - Hold My Hear
" Lovely things, these daughters and sons of Elyon, but so pigheaded at times. Thought they knew everything. Even after changing their minds five times on the same matter, they didn't pause to consider the fact that they might be wrong this sixth time as well. Heaven forbid! They would fight for the sixth opinion with as much conviction as the first!"It's read, I say. Red!" one would cry.Only the arguments weren't usually about colors but something more interesting, such as whether this tunic or that face marking would be appropriate to wear."
"No, it's blue," another would respond.
"Red, you fool. Red, red, red."
"Blue for certain. Look at it from this angle and you see it's blue. Or maybe a bit of green, if you think about it."
"Say what? Not green. Only an idiot would see green. More like purple, if you must. But not blue and not green.
"I say green definitely green. If you can't see green, you're not fit to hold a rank in the Guard."
"Purple! For the sake of Elyon, open your eyes! Any half-wit can see it's purple."
This part in the book made me think, smile, and that's all I'm going to say about that. I do love Ted Dekker.
Chosen was a really good book--yes I did finish it--yes it was amazing. Over 250 pages is nothing when a book is really good. =P
Also what is amazing is...watermelon.
Yes, my father got one yesterday and I had some; it was actually quite completely delightful.
Then I hung out with my mother in the evening, we talked, went to the Christian bookstore, went to Sams for pizza, read while we waited for it, then talked while we ate. I adore my mother and I love books. My mom loves books too so it works out quite beautifully. I got a bunch of books, it filled me with joy. =)
While I was browsing yesterday, I contemplated in my head whether or not that reading and books are idols in my life because I enjoy them that much, and maybe I shouldn't enjoy them as much as I do. Then I laughed and thought that no, I was made to enjoy books. God made me and God created words, God created me to love words. I was made to be a nerdy bookworm of a girl. =) Yes, laugh, but you know it's true. And who cares. =)
I saw this on the bookshelf and it made me quite happy with the bookstore. If you my friend have never read this book--you should. And if for some sad reason you have never heard of or listened to Francis Chan--then I suggest you go here and listen to this one. [all of them are good, I just randomly picked that one]
Although if you are friends with me and have spent any amount of time with me--you probably have heard him before. =P
Why do I love Francis Chan so much? Well
1. Because he loves God.
2. He lives a crazy life that really isn't explainable except for the fact that there is a God.
3. He inspires me to do the same thing.
4. He has his Church doing crazy stuff that doesn't make sense apart from God too.
Also he's incredibly honest real and not superficial.
Mostly I like him because I love God more after listening to him [and reading his book].
Isn't my God amazing?
Crazy crazy love guys. =)
[also, just as a disclaimer so you guys don't think I'm completely wacked--my best friend Lauren Abe loves him too. And no that's not the reason we are best friends-although it doesn't hurt. =P]**apparently she doesn't anymore--but it's ok I'm still friends with her =P
[also, I have a book that's signed by him-well someone is borrowing it at the moment but that's besides the point]
[also, [last thing I promise] I haven't written like this in a long time have I?]
Thursday, June 19, 2008
I had English Class today.
After which I
I had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
After that I cleaned my room.
Now I have a head ache.
I don't know what my future holds but I wholly rely on the Lord
I don't know what I'm going to do but I wholly rely on the Lord
I don't know..... but I wholly rely on the Lord.
I love my God.
I need to love You
I love to see You, but it's been so long
I long to feel You
I feel this need for You
And I need to hear You, is that so wrong?
Now You pull me near You
When we're close, I fear You
Still I'm afraid to tell You, all that I've done
Are You done forgiving?
Oh can You look past my pretending?
Lord, I'm so tired of defending, what I've become
What have I become?
I hear You say,
"My love is over. It's underneath.
It's inside. It's in between.
The times you doubt Me, when you can't feel.
The times that you question, 'Is this for real?'
The times you're broken.
The times that you mend.
The times that you hate Me, and the times that you bend.
Well, My love is over, it's underneath.
It's inside, it's in between.
These times you're healing, and when your heart breaks.
The times that you feel like you're falling from grace.
The times you're hurting.
The times that you heal.
The times you go hungry, and are tempted to steal.
The times of confusion, in chaos and pain.
I'm there in your sorrow, under the weight of your shame.
I'm there through your heartache.
I'm there in the storm.
My love I will keep you, by My pow'r alone.
I don't care where you fall, where you have been.
I'll never forsake you, My love never ends.
It never ends."
Now playing: Tenth Avenue North - Times
Ok, my God is...there are no words. Amazing, Awesome, Stupendous, Incredible, Unbelievable, ect don't come close to even touching on what my God is.
Mrs. George/Lauren just wait for it. =)
Wasn't it kind and amazing of God to let my little brother Justin find this band and share them with me. =)
I love this music.
By Your Side.
Why are you striving these days
Why are you trying to earn grace
Why are you crying
Let me lift up your face
Just don't turn away
Why are you looking for love
Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough
To where will you go child
Tell me where will you run
To where will you run
And I'll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you
Look at these hands and my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world's sin
So I could carry you in
And give you life
I want to give you life
Cause I, I love you
I want you to know
That I, I love you
I'll never let you go
You guys are going to be seeing alot of these lyrics. =P
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Loving God is where it's at.
Live on it.
Live on Love.
I've got it again.
It's allll about God.
It's not about me.
It's not about you.
It's not about us.
It's about Him
We are a bunch of "I am nots"
And he is the only;
So love because I AM loved.
Now playing: Brian Colmery - Living on Love
Monday, June 16, 2008
Sweet forgiveness, my redemption
You're a Savior once for all and today
O the mercy, it comes to flood me
Jesus on the cross, You took my place
And I'm chasing after You 'cause
You first chased after me
And You purchased me with blood,
I am free I am complete
Now a child of my King,
leaving old I am made new
'Cause You first chased after me,
I am chasing after You
And I found my love, I found my love
and my heart is dancing (yeah)
Jesus, Jesus, I am chasing after You
Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, I am chasing after you
God help me pursue you.
I want to chase you.
God show me what YOU want me to do.
Show me where YOU want me to go.
And YOUR plan for my life.
Not what I want to do.
Not where I want to go.
Not MY plan for my life.
Not what ANYONE else wants me to do.
Not where ANYONE else wants me to go.
Not what ANYONE else's plan is for my life.
I want to live by faith.
I don't want to live by a set of rules or set of laws.
I want to walk with the Spirit.
Day by day, step by step, decision by decision.
I want to walk by faith.
What if people think I'm being rebellious?
What if people don't understand?
I don't know.
But it doesn't really matter.
If I'm walking with God
See my God is this big--this amazing, this stupendous.
That it doesn't matter what ANYONE thinks about me.
My God is this fabulous.
I'm going to go dance.
Sunday, June 15, 2008
I'm going to wax surfboards for a living and live in a shack on the beach.
And I'm going to go to Cornerstone. =P
Doesn't that wave look amazing?
Can't you see me surfing?
I think most of my friends would find it hilarious; mostly because I'm a klutz. =P
[btw people I want you to know that I'm not running away from my problems or whatever =P I'm just being facetious.]
Saturday, June 14, 2008
Friday, June 13, 2008
I still find need to pray
Sometimes I get tired of walking
Through these ordinary days
If nothing else i get to see you
Even if we never speak
The harm of words is sometimes we don't
Quite know what they really mean
I don't know where
I don't know how
I don't know why
But Your love can make these things better
Let me lay down in this field
And stare up at the sky
I hope the days and clouds turn into something
As they pass us by
And maybe you could settle
For a skyline faded blue
I hope that you might settle
For this love I have for you
You know when your just randomly going through your songs and you randomly listen to something that just is...helpful.
My God is so freaking huge, amazing, and awesome.
I'm riding the wave and who cares.
If I'm doing what God wants me to do; who cares?
Why do we care so much?
God loves us crazy much.
Desperation leads us here
Leads us here
Illumination meets us here
Meets us here
Revelation brings us here
Brings us here
Restoration frees us here
Frees us here
And I don't want to leave
I don't want to leave this place
No, I don't want to leave
I never want to leave this place
It's so amazing
Your unchanging love
Never changing love
Love, love revolutionary love
Reparation leads us here
Leads us here
Liberation meets us here
Meets us here
Jubilation brings us here
Brings us here
Higher elevation frees us here
Frees us here
I want the satisfaction
Of knowing that my heart beats after You
Burning with devotion
To give it up in all I do
I want to take the notion
When regret is all I find
And even if it breaks me
To leave it all behind
Here I am, again
This is the last place that I thought You’d take me
All I see is falling
In a world where everything
Is striving for attention
What you wear is what you’ll be
There’s such a lack of compassion
With the time we throw around
File under lack of action
With our face straight to the ground
Here I am, again
This is the last place that I thought You’d take me
Hear the sound begin
I’ll never fall away I know you’ll find me
And our eyes they’ll meet again
That’s where we’ll begin
Our love will never end
What is God doing here?
This is so much bigger than me.
So much bigger than me.
But I'm in the middle of it, I'm right here in the middle right in the thick of it.
Is it only going to get worse before it gets better?
What's going to happen?
I need that thing called faith.
Can someone tell me where I can find that faith and love thing?
This is the last place that I thought God would take me.
This is all I can say right now.
Give me love God, please just love me, and help me love right now.
Don't allow me to do anything that I don't do in love.
Thursday, June 12, 2008
So tired from walking
And Lord I'm so alone
And Lord the dark
Is creeping in
To swallow me
I think I'll stop
Rest here a while
And didn't You see me cry'n?
And didn't You hear me call Your name?
Wasn't it You I gave my heart to?
I wish You'd remember
Where you sat it down
And this is all that I can say right now
And this is all that I can give
I didn't notice You were standing here
I didn't know that
That was You holding me
I didn't notice You were cry'n too
I didn't know that
That was You washing my feet
Monday, June 9, 2008
Why do I do what I do?
Do I do it cause I love?
Because if I don't do it because I love then I am a clanging cymbal that just makes a bunch of noise and is obnoxious.
I want to be a person that just oozes God's love.
When you talk to me--I don't want you to come away with; Oh she's smart, she's mature, she's nice, she's fill in the blank. No, I want you to walk away loving God more. I don't want you to even walk away thinking that I'm right in my way of thinking or that I always do the right thing--because here's the truth--I don't. No, I want you to walk away with a bigger view and a deeper love for my sweet God. I want you to walk away realizing even just a little bit more how much God adores you.
Yes, this is my freaking soap box and I don't intend on getting off of it anytime soon. =P
I pray I never ever get tired of this crazy crazy love. =)
Also; it feels good to actually be hungry again.
I'm not saying this is easy by any means, or in any sense of the word. What I am saying though is that....I don't even know what I'm saying. haha just disregard me.
And think about how crazy God is about you. =)
Saturday, June 7, 2008
God give me discernment
God give me wisdom
God give me love.
Regardless of what anyone else thinks; help me seek Your heart in all of this.
Show me what you want me to do.
Help me to take heed of people's counsel but ultimately I want to do what you would have me do.
Cause you love me more.
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
It's not; Why am I here God??
It's; Ok, I'm here God. What do you want me to do?
Also--Ming needs to realize that she controls absolutely N.O.T.H.I.N.G. Yeah, that's right nothing.
Ok, now back to English.
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
And let the thirsty enter in
So they can drink deep of the water
You have given to them
I want to run the race with vigor
I want to fight the fight with strength
And let my song rise from a whisper
To a scream
I wanna open up my arms
And embrace that old rugged cross
I wanna take pride in the reason
And be humbled by the cause
And when this lisping, stamm'ring tongue
Lies silent in the grave
Then in a nobler, sweeter song,
I'll sing your praise
I'll sing your praise
So let me sing for the love
Let me love for the lost
Let me lose all I have
For what I found on the cross
Let me trust you with my life
Let me live to give you praise
Lord, let me praise you
For the grace by which I'm saved
Lord, let me sing
-Let me Sing [Andrew Peterson]
Oh, I dislike English. lol
Also, I have a dislike for Psychology.
Sunday, June 1, 2008
This is what I learned last night-- I grasp and try to hold on to anything that I can.
I strain, the tips of my fingers brush the edge of the dream and I strain harder trying to get my hand around it. Trying to hold on to it, trying to protect it. When God is just standing right behind me asking me to trust him. Telling me to let it go, but not let it go and pick up something else, but let it go and watch him work.
I love my God.
And it makes me happy. =)