Saturday, March 31, 2007

Have you ever had one of those times where your sin seem soooo big that it's just discouraging...
I just kinda sit and stare at it sometimes... Then I just get sooo mad at myself.
Gosh even when I realize that I have done something wrong I sin, because all I do is look at this sin.
I don't look at the bigger picture. I sit and think about myself, my sin, I'm sooo self-centered.
God LOVES me! And he's bigger than ANY sin.

Urgency...kinda all over the place though. sorryy

Ok so we had proclaim this weekend, it was amazing. Adam Campbell did an amazing job teaching about how we are all called to evangelize.
And I was thinking about it why is it that in America the country where we have tons of religious freedom *now guys I know it could be better but I'm comparing us to like China or someplace like that* we can't just tell people the most important thing ever?? But in other countries people don't have as much of a problem? Even though their head might really be chopped off... Why is it that we/I will get upset if someone gets mad at me if I tell them the truth, but other Christians in persecuted countries tell people more often about God then we do. I mean I'm sure they are scared but they still do it.
Is it maybe just maybe because we are just to safe? To sheltered? We are inundated with stuff that tells us not to *rock the boat* and that getting people to like you is the ultimate thing. We are so sheltered from death, I mean I know many people maybe even you have lost a loved one in a tragic way. But what I mean is that we don't walk out the door and see starving kids on the side of the road. We don't see bombs exploding around us. And that's great it's a blessing, one I'm very thankful for. But it can also be a curse in the way that sometimes it's harder to feel an urgency for people, you think that you'll see your co-worker tomorrow like you always do. The people you have class with oh you'll see them Monday.
I think alot of *myself especially* don't have the sense of urgency that we need. People are going to hell out there, and yes they deserve it but so did I. And they don't have to. Jesus was so kind to find me. How can I not tell others about Him??

Tuesday, March 27, 2007


I loveee strawberries! =)

Sunday, March 25, 2007

Is He Worthy?

Here I am to worship,
Here I am to bow down,
Here I am to say that you're my God,
You're altogether lovely,
Altogether worthy,
Altogether wonderful to me.
So Here I am to worship,
Here I am to bow down,
Here I am to say that you're my God.

Read the words, Altogether worthy.
What does that mean to me? Do I really think He is ALTOGETHER worthy? And if I think it do I act like it? What am I doing right. now.? To show that I think He is altogether worthy? Have I given anything up? I mean what do I truly do without?
If I'm not living like the song. I really shouldn't sing it.
Now I'm not saying you have to do this but I know what's helpful for me is to think before I start belting out the song at church for the first verse I might just read them or listen to everyone else singing them. Evaluate my life and my thoughts and really think should I be singing this song? Do I mean it when I sing this song? When I sing altogether worthy do I really believe he is worth everything?
My stuff,
My thoughts,
My actions,
My family,
My friends?
Do I think He is worth it?
It's soooo easy to say, that I think He is. But do I really believe it.
Would I really be willing to die in the jungle for Him? What would be harder for me is would I be willing to say that I think that if one of my friends or family were to die in the jungle for Him that He is worthy of it.
I would have to say yes. But I have thought about it.
Is He worthy.? Think about it, don't just flippantly say yes.

Saturday, March 24, 2007


"To suppose that whatever God requireth of us that we have power of ourselves to do, is to make the cross and grace of Jesus Christ of none effect."

John Owen

So often I think I can make it on my own, it's like "Oh read my bible, don't get mad at my parents, don't murder, don't lie, and on and on and on. Easy I'm there." But then when I don't do the things God requires I get ticked at myself, when in fact I never should have been trying to make it on my own in the first place.
For me to think that I can do those things on my own is pretty much shoving the cross and God's grace back in His face with a decisive "I don't need it." How can I do that? It's almost like I have this horrible disease that I'm going to die from, and someone offers me a completely free perfect cure and I go "Pffft I don't need it."
But that's what I do. It just is. Ahhhhh and the frustrating thing is the only way I can even realize that I do that, is because of God and His saving work. Basically it allllll goes back to HIM.

Friday, March 23, 2007


Ok so I just heard the most brilliant thing ever.

"I think we get this thought that the more good things we do we are lessing our debt. Guess what guys the more good things you're actually adding to your debt, because you can only do good things through the blood of Jesus Christ. Right? When you do things for the Glory of God is it through your strength or His strength? Isn't it funny that we say that so easy but it's hard to live it? Right? And so man what I have tried to become to do is when I do a good thing instead of going "Yeah God I'm showing you baby how much I'm serious." Now it's become more of this humble thing of saying I'm like "I thank you because it's only through you that I could have done that. It took your death and resurrection for me to have the ability to do that." That changes the way we think."
-Steve Salomon

I LOVE IT! Oh my gosh. That's brilliant. It's funny because either way I'm adding to my debt though. lol If I do bad things then the more I need God's mercy to forgive me, but the more good things I do the more I need God's grace to enable me.
I need to hear these things. And I need more so to apply them.

Thursday, March 22, 2007

I was bought with a price, I belong to another.

It's not my life.
1 Corinthians 6:19-20
Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, 20for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.

God bought me.
He paid for me.
He owns me.
Every freaking part of me.
My thoughts.
My words.
My actions.
Dude He even owns my thoughts, dreams, and aspirations.
Ok since He owns me that means that, my thoughts can't be my own, my words can't either. Oh look there goes actions! And then there are my thoughts and dreams.
It's fine for me to have dreams, goals, ambitions that's fine, I'm human. But for me to live them out is sin. I have no right to live out my dreams, my desires, my goals, my ambitions.
I was bought with a price and I belong solely to another.
He bought me, He owns me and He owns all that is dear to me.
I was made to live out God's plan, God's dreams, God's desires.
That is one thing that I think I struggle with alot, laying down my dreams and desires.
=P No, Ying, Justin you can't laugh. =P
hmmm yes, I really, really just want God to do whatever He wants with me....

Another thing I think alot of people including myself struggle with is our thoughts and our words. I mean I know God wants us to love people, but lets lay that down for a bit and think about it this way.
Ok God owns our thoughts and words right we all agree on that. So are the words we are giving Him worth anything? Or are they garbage? What about our thoughts? ughhhh it's sooo hard sometimes for me to think like this. Even when I think like this, in the moment I'm like I don't care I'm going to think/say it anyways. -_-

Perfect Love bought me. =)
ok so yeah I was thinking and listening to this missionary, he was talking about how once when his son was almost dead, the people he was there for were laughing at him and told him to wait for his sond to die, bury him and to just have more kids. He said that he hated them at that point and he had to walk away or he would have done something. He ended up living there for 20 years and his story was amazing but he was saying how those people didn't deserve his life, they didn't deserve his families lives either. But God did.

Ok so the reason we should love people isn't necessarily because they deserve it, not because they are lovable but it's because God bought my life. He bought every part of me.

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Ok so you wish you had a 5 yr old little brother as awesome as mine =P

So yesterday I was walking back to my room and I saw...this. He was talking to himself and I swallowed my laughter and asked if I could take some pictures to which he kindly agreed to. He added more to his getup as the day went on...

As annoying as I get at him I <3 him soooo much. =)

Monday, March 19, 2007


Yesterday we were running late to church because Ying wanted some soda or something so mom ran to Wal-Mart quick. So we got to church 20 mins late. Now if you know me, you know I hate being late. I always have. Since we were running late I was becoming short with my mom and my brothers. yeah. There was frustration, anger, impatience in my heart and it was sloshing and spilling over into my actions. As I was driving I just felt Him say "Uh yeah Ming, do you think I really care if you are on time? Great if you are, but if being late is causing you to act like this, why even go?" I stopped. And I started thinking about it. If Jesus was to come back right then I doubt he would have cared if I was in church or on my way there. Then it got me thinking, if God didn't care if I was late then why did I? Because I care what people think duhhh. Uhhh so then I started getting pretty ticked off at myself. AHHHH why can't I just love God???????????
If Jesus was to come back right. now. Would it matter if the house is a mess? If I had a 10 page paper to write? If we were running late? Or would it matter how I was responding to my circumstances.? I mean really!
Great, I'm in church. But DOES IT REALLY FREAKING MATTER IF MY HEART ISN'T FILLED, yeah FILLED with LOVE FOR GOD? I wish it wasn't so easy to fake. I could have gone and if God hadn't convicted me I could have held on my selfishness and self love and no one would have known. AHHHH and then there's the prideful part of me *which is all of me* that doesn't even want anyone to know or read this, because then "What if everyone thinks I'm always freaking about being late?". But you know I don't care. I don't.
Think I'm horrid, think I'm impatient, selfish, angry. Because that's what I am. I can NOT boast in anything save the CROSS. I'm refusing to fake it. You thinking I'm something I'm not isn't doing anything for me eternally. This time is but a drop in the cup. And I can't, can't waste it. Hear me on this. Please. Don't look at me, I'm nothing. Look only to my Savior. He is my only hope, I am only worth anything because of Him.
He loves ME, the horrid selfish unloving little person that I am. And He wants to be my EVERYTHING.

All I have is by Your mercy
And all I have is all of grace
All I am is what Your love
Has made of me.

***I apologize for the picture I know it's lame but I couldn't find anything that I liked that fit.

Sunday, March 18, 2007


Barely brushing,
Finding my footing,
This seems to be my life. One minute I'm reaching for God, I seem to brush Him, my faith seem to be good, then I end up slipping down a hill sitting there for a while, then determined I find my footing carefully and unsteadily stand, straining to rise, then as I stand there bewildered I look up at that mountain which I can't even see the top of. It' so easy to look at the whole journey instead of just taking one step at a time.
It's so easy to get discouraged. To just throw my hands up in the air and give up. I'm never going to be perfect, I'm always getting upset of little stuff. I love things I shouldn't and I don't love God and the things I should enough.

Why can't I just accept and realize that I can't do this on my own? I just need to come to the end of myself. I just need to let it all go. Why can't I let go? I sooo inept. I can't even let go of things on my own, much less hold on to something so big. hmmmm

Saturday, March 17, 2007



You say, strength is found in weakness
Peace in incompleteness
So why do I hold on?

You look, For a heart that's open
For beauty in the broken
So why am I withdrawn?

My soul's screaming out
To be found in You

Spirit draw me to my knees Captivate all of me, all of me Here before You honestly Captivate all of me, all of me

I'm so messy and distracted
Undisciplined and tactless
Here on the inside

I thought age would tell the secrets
But the secrets are still secret
And the years are passing by

Teach me to wait in the moments of my need
Teach me to hear the melodies of peace


I love Spring like it's my favorite season, right up there with Summer, Winter and Autumn =P
There's something terribly fresh and new about it. Colors are amazing...

See the green

!!!More greeen!!!

I love that bush.


I forget what these are called.


God's awesome.

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Ok I'll be last! Wait really last?

Luke 14:7-11

7 Now he told a parable to those who were invited, when he noticed how they chose the places of honor, saying to them, 8 “When you are invited by someone to a wedding feast, do not sit down in a place of honor, lest someone more distinguished than you be invited by him, 9 and he who invited you both will come and say to you, ‘Give your place to this person,’ and then you will begin with shame to take the lowest place. 10 But when you are invited, go and sit in the lowest place, so that when your host comes he may say to you, ‘Friend, move up higher.’ Then you will be honored in the presence of all who sit at table with you. 11 For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted.”
We live in such, such a self-centered country, self-centered culture, a self-centered world for that matter. It's all about us, me, this moment. Ever since we were kids, it's about who gets to be first in line, who gets the biggest ice cream cone, who can run faster, jump higher, and it goes on and on. And as we grow up, the only thing that changes are the things we compete at, who can get the best grades, who has the most friends, who's the most on and so forth.
Ok so the Bible teaches us those who would be first will be last, that we should be a servants. And I get that in my head. It's like "ok be a servant got it!".
But how many times do I actually live it? How many times do I call "shotgun"? How many times do I put myself before others. I'm not running to the "servants" place. I look out for myself. And I'm sorry to say I'm very good at it. I'm really fast to call out shotgun, I'm really good at serving myself, cleaning my own room.

I really need to evaluate everything I do. I'm not going to worry about anyone else. My sins are quite a log in and of themselves.


Love others as you love yourself. Cute little saying.
How can I do this really though?

Matthew 25:34-46

34 Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world. 35 For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, 36 I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me.’ 37 Then the righteous will answer him, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink? 38 And when did we see you a stranger and welcome you, or naked and clothe you? 39 And when did we see you sick or in prison and visit you?’ 40 And the King will answer them, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.’
What does this mean practically. I think this is a verse many people are afraid to take literally.
In a sense Jesus is out there, thirsty, starving, impoverished, and in prison. Ok, what am I, what are we doing about it? And part of me hates writing about this because it can be a "soapbox" issue. And it's only been for the past few months that I have felt really strongly about it. So I don't want to be talking about this in a "passion". But this a fact, I'm rich. You're rich. We aren't starving, we have water, we have closets of clothes, and we aren't in prison. Well we can be strangers, but normally we hang out with our friends so maybe we aren't alot. So obviously unless the "stranger" part applies to us, I kind of doubt the other parts do.
Some people ask, "Where were Christians during the Holocaust?" I don't know.
And I feel there will be a time where people say, "Where were Christians when the world was in extreme poverty?" I don't want the answer to be, in their churches acting as if nothing was going on.
I want to do that for Jesus...

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

haha God's amazing. =D

Something amazing so yeah yesterday I just thought about getting a summer job, not because I need money but I'd love to give money to Children's Hunger Fund but I didn't know where to get one.
Now a lady in my class threw out her back a couple weeks ago and then got the flu over spring break so I was talking with her and offered to go over tomorrow and help her do laundry or whatever as long as it was ok with my parents, and she said that would be great. So then after class I got her number and she said that in the summer she and her husband go fishing and that she pays $100 for someone to babysit from 5pm to 3:30am. I don't know how consistent of a job it would be but still I think it would be awesome. And that I could do it if I wanted...Isn't God amazing =D now I just have to convince my parents.... =P

Monday, March 12, 2007

Think of me.

I have a name, you can know it, it's been a while since anybody asked...

I love to laugh just like you do...

and my family also means the world to me.

So as you choose what to wear, remember I fight to stay warm,

as you decide where to eat it's my children who mourn...

Think of me, let me live in your mind, keep loving me while others play blind. Show true religion cause don't words don't relive, your actions they heal me show me you believe. Think of me.

You have a life, I understand God has blessed you so enjoy what he has given

Your hurts are real as mine are
possessions never shield a life from earthly pain.

As you consider your life would you think about mine?

As you remember my tears maybe yours disappear.

Think of me, let me live in your mind keep loving me while others play blind. Show true religion cause don't words don't relive, your actions they heal me show me you believe. Think of me.
As you choose what you wear, remember I fight to stay warm as you decide where to eat hear my children who mourn.

Think of me, let me live in your mind keep loving me while others play blind. Show true religion cause don't words don't relive, your actions they heal me
show me you believe. Think of me...

No I didn't write the song but I love it.
Matthew 25:34-46
34 Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world. 35 For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, 36 I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me.’ 37 Then the righteous will answer him, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink? 38 And when did we see you a stranger and welcome you, or naked and clothe you? 39 And when did we see you sick or in prison and visit you?’ 40 And the King will answer them, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.’
“Then he will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. 42 For I was hungry and you gave me no food, I was thirsty and you gave me no drink, 43 I was a stranger and you did not welcome me, naked and you did not clothe me, sick and in prison and you did not visit me.’ 44 Then they also will answer, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or naked or sick or in prison, and did not minister to you?’ 45 Then he will answer them, saying, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to me.’ 46 And these will go away into eternal punishment, but the righteous into eternal life.”

Think about it
I'll post later...

I know I'm repetitive but I can't get away from it.
He loves me...
I hear people talk about spiritual discipline, yes they have a place.
But to me over the past couple years they have been more of a desire. Think about it, if you love someone, normally you don't do things with or for them because it's a discipline.
If you truly love someone. You want to do these things. I should desire to do read my bible, to pray, to serve.
I mean if you love someone ei, a boy/girlfriend, brother, sister, spouse, ect. You normally do things for them because you love them. I mean I know I wouldn't really like it if people did things for me "just because they had to".
And after loving God, then comes loving everyone as I love myself.
Now I realize you should invite kid's who aren't as "cool" to things. But I was thinking about it...Why do I consider them not "cool"? Great that I'm/you are inviting "fill in the blank". But just inviting them isn't loving them as yourself.
We wouldn't have "classes" of people if we really love them.
There is 1 God, then there's a bunch of little tiny people on this spinning ball.
And that 1 God loves me, why do I care about what the little tiny people think about me?
Now I'm not saying not we shouldn't care at all about people. I'm just saying why do we care what they think about us. As in if we are weird/cool/a dork/ect.
He loves me and that is all that matters.

Sunday, March 11, 2007


Another one I know I'm bored, but I just remember/thought about Mr. Morrison's example of putting to many nails in the airplane...
And that is so me, if I'm struggling sometimes I tend to look at it like "oh pull out a nail and do my duty, read my bible, pray, ect." I think what I have to come to terms with is that no matter how many nails I use if God wants it to fall apart it will. I just have to trust and have faith that He'll see me through everything.
I shouldn't treat those things like a duty, to pray, to read the bible, they aren't duties they're privileges, and should never be treated like anything else. The only way I can commune in anyway with God is because of his love, and because of His love he sent His Son to die for me, you, us ;).
hmmm Love it's a wonderful thing...=)


Last night at YouthGroup they talked about worldliness and how we ultimately need to draw closer to God. And that it's more about loving God more than loving him less.
And he mentioned blogs and I guess I didn't raise my hand because no one else did...yes I know I should have...fear of man anywaysss.
I was thinking about it though...what is it that defines me. That is, what do I think about, what do I talk about. God the Creator loves ME, am I defined by this?
I don't want to be defined by what I wear, what I do, what I say, what I look like, who I hang out with, even how nice or not nice I am.
When people talk about me I want the first thing that they think about when they think about me, is that she loves God, she's defined by her faith. Her Christianity. I want it to be defined by how I can't do anything without God, how I praise God when I talk, how I'm not worried about what people think about me, how I serve God.

How do people perceive me? Am I light in the darkness? Or am I just adding to the darkness? Or am I just hanging out with the light and not taking it to the darkness.

I just pray that God enables me to be an example to allll those around me. Also enable me to kill my pride so that I never think I'm "better" than anyone. So that people don't even see me. That all they see is the awesome God whom I live to serve.

In other news.
  1. I miss Lauren.
  2. I found my camera. =D
  3. Justin is obnoxious.

Saturday, March 10, 2007

No one like you!

You are more beautiful
Than anyone ever
Everyday You're the same

You never change, no never
And how could I ever deny (?)
The love of my Savior
You are to me everything
All I need forever
How could You be so good to me?
There is no one like You
There has never ever been anyone like You
Everywhere You are there
Earth or air surrounding
I'm not alone, the heavens sing along
My God You're so astounding
How could You be so good to me
Eternally I believe that'
You, You, You, You, You, You
How could You be so good to me?
How could You be so good to me?
We're not alone, so sing along
We're not alone, so sing along, sing along, sing along
There is no one like You
There has never been anyone like You
There is no one like You
There has never been anyone like You
There is no one like our God, yeah

Thursday, March 8, 2007


Why can't I always love ^ it like I should?
It's God's letter to me. Yet I treat it soo casually at times, actually more than just a few times. Why can't I go to it everyday with an excitement and longing that I should have? Why is it sometimes a chore? It's so amazing that God would give this to me. To us. Why don't we love it more? If we love God with everything, we should love everything He loves. He loves His Word, His Law. His Word is Him.? Why can't I look at it like that?
I guess I just need to cry out to God, I can't obtain the longing that I need on my own. Only through him can I pursue Him and the things He loves.
John 1:1-5
1:1 In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. 2 He was in the beginning with God. 3 All things were made through him, and without him was not any thing made that was made. 4 In him was life, and the life was the light of men. 5 The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.
My God, Creator, Savior, loves me.
He's my Father, Brother, Lover.
And I love Him because...He loved me first. =)