Friday, August 31, 2007

My head...

When you look at this God that did this for you...I don't want to belittle anyone's issues. What's your biggest struggle right now? What's your greatest need or desire? And does it really compare to the promise God has for you that He's going to come back and marry you and take you to a home He's building for you; where you are going to have nothing but full joy?
Does it really compare to the fact that the God of the Universe who's just so big we're like little dots in time and history- He's leaned over and said "I'm going to become a dot and die for you so we can have a relationship." Is it really bigger than that?
-Brian Colmery
I spent alot of time thinking today; about just how awful I am, how I can do the stupidest most hurtful things, how immature and idiotic I can be. And I was overwhelmed at the fact that I just can not do this on my own.
I feel really bad about last night, seriously.
Finally after a tortuous amount of time my mind switched gears and I began to stop looking at myself (which let me tell you is a depressing thing to look at)
I wish I could take back about what I did- but I'm glad that God used it to show me how absolutely helpless I am apart from him. It was eye-opening and very humbling. It reminded me about how horrible a person I am, apart from God--- how sinful I am.
What is blowing my head is that God loves me no less dreadful and horrible my sin is He sees me as pure....That He took my sin. He paid the price. He loved.
He knew from the beginning of time that I was going to screw up and He still chose me...
This is my God.
Love truly is the reversal of me.
How can I not be desperately in love with Him?
Love truly did save the day- my day - me.
God is love.
Worn out, wasted
Like a bird with broken wings
Sometimes grace reminds me
I don't get to be the king

But love it washes over
Love it pulls me closer
Love it changes everything

Everything is beautiful
Even when the tears are falling
I don't need a miracle to believe
Even in the crashing down
I can hear redemption calling
And everything is beautiful to me

Sweetly, You release me
From the weight of what I've done
The trigger trips the hammer
But the bullets never come

And love like a landslide
Like the wind
Spins around me pulls me in
At it's unveiling, I begin
Now playing: Starfield - Everything Is Beautiful
If it's not one thing it's another.
And then it's another thing.
When it rains it pours?
I'm a jerk.
I felt awful-people are way nicer than I deserve to be treated.
I really do love them
Hmmm yeah.
I feel better now though.
God's good.
I love Him.
Mrs. George is my favorite.
She's amazing.

Thursday, August 30, 2007


"We've talked about this before- The idea that eternal life isn't quantity, it's not about how long it is, it's not like a huge number of years. It's about quality. It's life like to the full, life that's abounding, life that's kinda maxed out and fraying at the edges cause it's trying to explode. It's that kinda life. The idea is that it's quality and not quantity. That it maxes out, frays the edges, just jumps out of whatever you have it in. It just get out; it's a big kind of life. And Jesus says "This is what I mean when I say eternal life- to know God.""
Brian Colmery
Yes. And I will have that life... =)
"It's life like to the full, life that's abounding, life that's kinda maxed out and fraying at the edges cause it's trying to explode."
I seriously smiled when I heard that this morning....It made me exorbitantly happy.
I thought about it like a sunrise-like my life can be full here. I can abide with God here on earth, love Him, and love people. And just revel in that.
But one day the sun will rise completely. I'm going to see ever thing more clearly, I'm going to know God!, and that will be life everlasting.
That will be life that is maxed out and fraying at the edges. =)
And this sun is never ever going to set.
That's pretty amazing.
But as for me now, I'm going to be content to enjoy the sunrise that God has given me, no, wait... not going to---I am content, this is where God wants me. =)
Now playing: Brian Colmery - John 16:25-17:5 - Does Christ's Glory Make a Difference?

Wednesday, August 29, 2007


Sorry, I just had to do that.
This is obnoxious. And no, don't worry guys I'm not mad. Just really... I don't even know. ughhh
Dear God why? honestly...

You know what I find terribly ironic? Do you want to know? =P Well I'm going to tell you anyways. The fact that when you are upset about something then it happens but then we you finally decide that it's ok and you pray about it then you find out you pretty much got worked up about nothing. -_-.
God help me trust you with everything.
And I'm really sorry Ying and Justin...I'm not sorry enough to drop my other class...but I am sorry. =P

Lauren makes me laugh she has a car as her background. hahahaha sorry but that's hilarious. And she keeps commenting about awesome it is. lol
This car.

Now playing: Brian Colmery - John 12:12-36 - Losing Your Life

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Happy Birthday to my little bro =)

My littlest brother turns 6 today =D He's awesome. I love him. =)

Government class was pretty great, we talked about minimum wage and gun control. lol After that ended at like 10:40 I hung out with Luke for 1 1/2-2 hours at the library since I didn't have lab until then and he was waiting around for one of his classes at about the same time. So talking with him helped the time go by alotttt faster.
Lab wasn't bad either; after the first hour of boringness we got to work with a microscope a little bit...we just looked at newspaper, threads, and my cheek cells- but it beats taking notes any day...But I must say I have amazing cheek cells. =P She let us out early though so that made my day too, I just had to pull something up quick and now I am headed home...Oh my gosh, It was soo cold though in both of my classes, even with a hoodie I was freezinggg.
Man finds it hard to get what he wants, because he does not want the best; God finds it hard to give, because He would give the best, and man will not take it.
George McDonald
^ amazing.

He may be mad, but there's method in his madness. There nearly always is method in madness. It's what drives men mad, being methodical.
G. K. Chesterton
^^^ I love it haha. lol

Lauren and Ying sooooooo obnoxious. -_- lol you know I love you guys. =)
All thanks to Carter's

Monday, August 27, 2007

Random =)

Class was amazing! lol alright maybe it wasn't amazing but it wasn't bad either, so it all works.
Sherwood is awesome, yup.
Lauren is babysitting...but she will be back...eventually. lol
Guava juice is good.
Banana muffins/bread is good too.
My hair needs to be cut.
Green is still my favorite color (I still like blue and all the others too), but I miss it... since sadly the grass is a sick yellowish brown.
Randy Alcorn has a way of writing that makes heaven seem closer. =)
And I'm feeling randomish. lol

*Note to myself: Unless I want to freeze to death- Don't ever forget to bring a hoodie to school...

Now playing: Sherwood - The Best In Me

Sunday, August 26, 2007

I don't even know.

Lunch today was let's leave it at that...but it's ok, I'm not complaining. =)
I really love my best friends. =)
Carter and Justin are awesome.
I'm reading an amazing book. Haha I love the detective and his humor it kills me.
Randy Alcorn is a very good author.

Life is harder than it appears. When it's you it's alot harder to sift to the bottom of things. Especially when you are the one that you're arguing with too. =P Yup I'm that much of a dork. =)

I love my life; I dislike certain aspects to it though right now...Yet I know it's so imperfectly perfect for me. My parents, my siblings, my friends, just my life in general- as imperfect as it absolutely, completely perfect for me.
Now I'm sorry but only a perfect God could do that.
Sometimes I feel like my lenses that I view life through gets fogged up....
And it's annoying because trust me I want to view it in the clear.
I want to trust Him...
But it's hard.
And I'm not going to lie to you or to myself and say it's easy. Sometimes it's very very very hard.

Saturday, August 25, 2007

Quotes are amazing

"The skill of the divine potter is an infinite patience of improvisation. No sooner has one work gone awry than his fingers are pressing it into the form of another. There is never a moment for the clay, when the potter is not doing something with it. God is never standing back and watching us; his fingers are on us all the time,"
- Austin Farrer

I seriously smiled when I read this. I was feeling really restless last night just not able to concentrate on anything...not necessary sad, upset, or anything. Just restless-fidgety I guess? lol I don't know how else to describe it.
Then I read that
and I wasn't
and God is good
and He's not just watching.
But Jesus says: if you will let the real God come into your life, then you will experience a huge freedom from the anxiety over survival; none of the usual concerns over livelihood will furrow your brow or weigh you down....Open yourself to my God whose passionate love is unreasonable and trust Him wholeheartedly....If we let the Lion of Judah run loose as Lord of our lives, He will not want us to be poor, broken, or sad. Yet He may allow it, knowing that in these conditions we are more likely to let Him make us rich, whole, and happy.
Brennan Manning.
I'm going to trust completely-wholeheartedly. =)
Even when I'm poor, broken, and sad.
I want Him to run loose and rampant in my life.
Cause he loves me with a unreasonable, all consuming, inconceivable love.

I still love these lines;
Take a ride on the might Lion
Take a hold of His golden mane
This is the love of Jesus
So good but it is not tame.

He's so good.

Friday, August 24, 2007

When love beckons...

When love beckons to you, follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you, yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions
May wound you.
And when he speaks to you- believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams
As the north wind lays waste the garden.
For even as love crowns you
so shall he crucify you.
Even as he is for your growth
So is he for your pruning.
-The Prophet by Gibran Khalil Gibran
Beckoned...I was beckoned. That's an awesome thought.

Fridayyy =)

I'll reiterate Frisbee was fun last night. Although Ying, Justin, and Lauren could be quiet sometimes =P. It's ok though. =) I have decided that we should leave and go the the gas station every week so that when we get back there are only a few people left. lol

So I went from yesterday- having no new books to read or at least interested me, to getting one last night (that made me happy =)), to getting like 4 today from the library. (shakes head) I wish they'd space themselves out

Today I studied, cleaned, studied, read, ran errands with my amazing mom, and read. lol

Oh and guys-I'm sorry I'm such a nerd about reading (among other things) please forgive me. And thanks for being my friends in spite of it. =)

This is why Lauren is so awesome--
"Lauren Abe" : just reading obsessed
"Lauren Abe": i have like 50 pages left
"Lauren Abe" : OMGi just got to the part and (I'm omitting the name since I don't want to ruin the book for you guys) shows up!
"Lauren Abe" : ahhh
"Lauren Abe" : going back to the book :P
"Lauren Abe" : oh wow
"Lauren Abe" : i just finished it
"Lauren Abe" : it was good!

Listening to- Coldplay (Justin knows the song =P)

Thursday, August 23, 2007


Today was fun class went well, and contrary to my first thoughts Frisbee was alot of fun I haven't played/sorta had to play that hard in a while. =)
So yeah I'm tired, goodnight.

Sit still.

“Sit still, my daughter, until thou know how the matter will fall…” Ruth 3: 18

Sit still, my daughter! Just sit calmly still!

Nor deem these days—these waiting days—as ill.

The One Who loves thee best, Who plans thy way,

Hath not forgotten thy great need today.

And if He waits, ‘tis sure He waits to prove

To thee, His tender child, His heart’s deep love.

Sit still my daughter! Just sit calmly still!

Thou longest much to know thy dear Lord’s will!

While anxious thoughts would almost steal their way

Corrodingly within, because of His delay—

Persuade thyself in simple faith to rest

That He Who knows and loves will do the best.

Sit still my daughter! Just sit calmly still!

Nor move one step, not even one, until

His way hath opened—Then, ah then, how sweet!

How glad thy heart, and then how swift thy feet

Thy inner beauty being then, oh then, how strong!

And waiting days not counted then too long.

Sit still my daughter! Just sit calmly still!

What higher service couldst thou for Him fill?

Tis hard! Oh yes! But choicest things must cost!

For lack of losing all how much is lost!

Tis hard, tis true! But then—He giveth grace

To count the hardest spot the sweetest place.

J. Danson Smith

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

hmmm =)

So I'm done re-copying my lecture notes, cleaning the kitchen-living room, and helping my mom with dinner. =)
Soooo. lol
Ms. Allen my Anatomy and Physiology teacher is really strict...I like her but a lot of people think she's really mean- so this class could be interesting.
Haha, I'm seriously looking forward to Political Science tomorrow with Mr. Sember it's kinda sad- but I actually really enjoyed it Tuesday; I didn't think I would but I did. It's true that teachers really do make or break a class. (At least for me. =))

I went back and was reading stuff I had written over the last 9 months; and I laughed. I was/am such a dork. haha wow. lol If you read ever read them you can laugh too. lol Just let me know though. =P

I kinda wish that I had something terribly inspiring, important, and interesting to say.... But I don't and I'm not going to force something out. =P

And the mountains sing Your glory hallelujah
The canyons echo sweet amazing grace
My spirit sails
The mighty gales are bellowing
Your name
And I've got nothing to say
No, I've got nothing to say

I'm really happy right now. God's really good. =)
Mhm yup He is ;)

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

So it begins....or I guess yesterday it did but it didn't feel like it. lol

Another year of school whooooo. =P Don't get me wrong I'm not like devastated about it starting--but I can't say that I'm jumping up and down with joy about it either... =P

So I have studied all I can study... and now I'm just waiting for 1pm to roll around so I can go to my lab...

And since I have the time I'll list a few of the things that made me inexplicably yet explicably happy yesterday =)
  • 1. Well just God and how He worked everything out yesterday- plus I pretty much had a grand time talking to Him in between getting signatures; and trust me I had time in between. =P
  • 2. While I was waiting for the last signature; I had an amazing conversation with Lauren via email about God, how awesome he is, and yet awesome doesn't even begin to describe Him. Yeah isn't that amazingly cool =)
  • 3. Since I unfortunately didn't have a book to read I was pretty much recapping in my head some of my favorite parts of books I have read. Parts that have impacted, changed me, and made me think. And being the dork I am-I enjoyed it =P.
  • 4. I switched the class all on my own I was pretty proud =P lol
  • 5. I pondered how much school makes you appreciate Frisbee and look forward to it. I think it's more my friends than Frisbee though...hmmm. Yeah, I'm really looking forward to tonight it's kinda sad =P
  • 6. And even if it's a bust Lauren and I can have an amazing conversation about Obsessed =)
  • 7. I was (still kinda am) pretty satisfied and content with life in every way, shape, and form that doesn't happen as often as I'd like...but I'm trying. =) Haha I think it had to do with the fact I was glad that I was home though more than anything. =P
  • 8. The Shoreline podcast updated and I was pretty much stoked about listening to it =D I love it. =)
  • 9. I had spun around in the hall at school because I was bored and I felt like spinning and no one was around =P Yeah I'm strange but it entertained me. lol
  • 10. I saw a girl walking with like 3 inch high heels and I really was happy I was wearing
  • 11. All of the people that I met and talked to yesterday were really nice and no one seemed crabby, so in turn I wasn't crabby =)
  • 12. School is distracting and sometimes the distraction is nice =)
  • 13. I don't know why but I appreciated all the little things yesterday, well maybe not all of them but a great many. And when I am appreciative then well life just seems so good. =)
  • 14. I made my mom happy that I switched classes because she doesn't want me going all of the 15 mins that it takes to get to the North Campus =P. lol
  • 15. Now I don't have any classes on Friday too =)
  • 16. And Sunday I talked to my mom for like 5 hours- no kid. lol It was awesome.
  • 17. I had read an amazing article written by Brian Colmery. I mean The Spiritual Significance of Using Your Turn Signal yeah you can't really beat that. =)
  • 18. Actually I read a ton of his stuff because he's that cool and I really loved them all. =)
  • 19. I cleaned my backpack out and organized it and it was prettiful...not that it will last, but nonetheless! it made me quite satisfied. lol
  • 20. I daydreamed. I dearly love daydreaming. lol It wasn't long but it was long enough to make me happy =).
  • 21. My friends are stupendous. I know I don't deserve any of them but nonetheless I'm sooo thankful to God for giving them to me =)
  • 22. My life is so imperfectly perfect. =) I'll expound on that idea later....
Oh and I could go on. So yeah I was happy =). And that was just yesterday... lol I'm still joyful but someone had to go and remind me this morning of something horrid so that was kinda like saddening...=\

Oh my goodness...but what was also cool this morning was that- I was finishing up Sorrow to Joy and yeah it seemed to me to pretty much be about what Lauren and I talked about yesterday. Yup it was a God thing and was pretty awesome. =) If you want it just ask I already gave it to Lauren without asking cause I can be rude like that =P My God yeah.

So my Political Science class was interesting? lol Honestly though I really enjoyed it; it was highly entertaining. Mr. Sember is awesome-with any other person I think I would die from boredom but he's very engaging, has alot of energy, and it was just funny seeing people get very passionate about things. Ohhh and Luke Joiner is in my class so that works too so I do know someone in one of my classes =)

Monday, August 20, 2007


My family kills me sometimes. Jun-Yue wanted to use wild onions with some eggs for dinner so Mom very obligingly cooked them with some eggs. hahhaha then he tries them and says they are bitter and don't taste at all like onions. We figured he dug up some flower bulbs or something. Wow. Gotta love my family =P
I'm so glad to be home and I got the class =)
And I'm inexplicably happy. =D Well I guess it's not inexplicable... I can think of a number of reasons I am. But I don't feel like listing them all so you must ask if you care. If you don't that's cool too =).
But I must say that inexplicable is a word I love which is why I used it =P

The joys of...chasing classes? I don't even know lol

I'm sitting in the comp lab at RCCC. I'm waiting for a program head whose signature will tie the last knot that I need in order to switch classes. Out of four (five really) signatures that I need, this is the last one. Unfortunately her class doesn't meet until 5:45 so I'm just sitting here until then. Well...I'll probably go in the student center area and listen to music/a sermon or something at some point, but you know what I mean. Note to self: Why didn't I bring a book to read? I was seriously so bored today while waiting from this one lady that I picked up this book titled something like "How to Engage Your Students: A Part-Time Teachers Handbook." =P Yeah you can laugh I'm a dork. lol

From about 10 ish today until now I have been "chasing down" for lack of a better term all these people. It's been pretty grand. All to just switch a silly class from North to South Campus oh and change a Friday lab to a Tuesday one...oh well. The teacher Mrs. Allen that I'm going to get seems pretty awesome; kinda strict but awesome. I'm just praying that I like Mr. Sember as well... I guess we shall see tomorrow. I've heard only good so he can't be to bad. =) And I've always seemed to get good teachers, or at least I think they are lol.

I ran into Justin C and we talked for quite awhile because he was waiting for a Chem class and I was waiting for a class to finish so I could talk to the teacher; we pretty much talked about how he wishes he had gotten out of TOG too and how he wants to write a computer game. Riveting stuff...really. =P Ohhh and I saw what's his face I can't remember his name from my Spanish class that was kinda strange...he's taking BIO too but thank goodness it's not the same class that I am wanting to take. =P

I'm pretty much still really really bored...again why didn't I bring a book to read? Ugh probably cause I didn't think it would take forever and a day to get this done. =P

Also I have decided that people are terribly interesting...Not that I haven't already thought that, but I'm just stating that I have come to that conclusion once again. lol Just observing people and how they; talk, look, carry themselves, ect is just entertaining. Even if they look like dull people it's still entertaining...Or maybe this is just a product of my boredom.. =P But seriously I'm not that bored. Just ready to go home...

And more people should come here, not because it's a great college or anything but because I would appriciate it =P So yeah visit me

I'm outtt


Sunday, August 19, 2007


Lunch was fun- even if it took forever and a day...I like it when people are randomly able to come along. Talking is pretty much the best. Hmmm yeah. Carter's music wasn't so amazing...sorry but that guy sounded like a girl singing realllly off key. Some other songs were amazing though. =P
Although, Justin, I hate your stupid

I don't know who on earth I'm going to follow around at Church now though...=( But I'm trusting God...cause yeah he's that amazing. =) You really need to come back though Lauren. And no one is allowed to move over a hour away...Or I will be really devastated and that's not cool...

Saturday, August 18, 2007


You know what God?...I'm so done. Do with me and my life whatever You will. I'm not going to argue with myself anymore cause am I getting anywhere? No. lol I just kept going in circles so I just give up and hand it all over. It's Your's. lol
I'm just going to trust You. Or I'm going to try really hard to...

On another note:
"You see there is something unique about Christ and it's this; it's that He doesn't really care about crowds of people, He cares about individual people in the crowd."
Chuck Bomar

That's how I want to be, I want to mirror Christ in this way...and in everything else.

Friday, August 17, 2007


Ok so today was fun =) I helped out at the office for the greater part of the day and talked with Mrs. Seena alot and that was fun listening to her stories. =)

Then I met Lauren (my bffn =P note the N) at CFA at about 4. and Sam Tyler and Carter were there working and then Stephen came since he had just gotten off of work, we didn't stay for long though...

Lauren and I then went to the mall and had an alright time we didn't really do anything there though- although we did see Alex. Oh yeah. uh huh. lol =P

After we decided that we both just weren't the shopping for hours type (not that we didn't know the before) We went back to CFA for dinner and like right as we were about to leave Tyler decided to take his break. lol So we stay and talk with him or actually more laugh at Lauren laughing about random stuff. =P 3:33 isn't that funny Lauren and 13:77 isn't a time...even in military time, sorry. =P

At about 6ish we left and went to Lauren's house. (haha the song on the radio on the way Lauren lol) Haha now that was fun. Between playing Life, talking, and sign language wow. lol

Lauren is amazing and a great example for me with trusting God
I can tell her anything =)
And she doesn't think I'm completely wack. =P
Mat Kearney sounds kind of like Coldplay and I like him. (nod)

Pictures *feel free to skip if you want*

LIFE lol

Oh my's...a house card?


Yeah she's amazing

Sign Language

Lauren: Ming don't look at the camera you look smarter then.

We randomly flipped to a page. lol

She looks really into it.

hahaha I'm sorry but I laugh.
  1. God loves me...=)
  2. Life is good.
  3. Lauren is pretty much an example to me in trusting and she's just amazing.
  4. Carter gets it. =)
  5. Love needs to drive me.
  6. I really am not looking forward to Anatomy and Physiology this year...
  7. But I get out of Tapestry. haha =P Sorry Ying and Justincase =P
  8. Finally one of my favoritest podcast updated. =D
  9. My parents are amazing I love them alot...
  10. Frisbee last night was fun
  11. Smarties...yeah wow. And whipped cream. =P lol
  12. I'm getting together with my bffn note the n. =P lol I love it don't you Lauren haha.
  13. My hair is being retarded.
  14. Life is good.

Thursday, August 16, 2007

...I hate this. lol

Hmmm my head is full again. My logical self and my other silly self are colliding once again. Aren't you glad you don't have two selves that will argue and argue and argue? =P And I think unfortunately my logical self is losing, and this annoys me to no end. I like things that make sense. Haha, well as funny as the whole thing sounds it's quite true. Oh so very true...
If I were to write out the argument you would all laugh really hard at me and then probably admit me. lol
I'm going to go read now so they'll shut up... =P
haha guys it's nothing like bad so don't worry about it. I just.... yeah, I'm weird.
In other news Frisbee was fun I actually finally was on the winning team! =P I don't care if my teams wins or not really but yeah. Let me tell you though Stephen Brown really made me feel good *coughornotcough* =P.
Lauren's call right after we left killed me though. Killed me. haha

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Yesterday was interesting. We went to the college at about 1:30 ish only to find out that Dual Enrollment students can't register until the last hour which was from 5-6pm; but they would start signing people in at 4:30. So we head back home for a little bit and mom and I look over the classes. Then we go back to RC before 4... Haha, because my mom is amazing like that =). So I brought a book to read; but ended up getting very little reading done because we ran into a bunch of homeschool moms that I haven't seen since I was like 6, ok maybe that's stretching it a bit but it had been a longggg time. Caleb Nelson got married last Saturday 0_0 I'm sorry but that's really scary, I remember running around playing capture the flag, playing in the creek, and doing co-op with that kid. lol I guess at 20 he's not a kid anymore It's kinda freaky... I'm still a kid though =). No, Justin you aren't allowed to say I'm not. lol

I did a class I needed though *note the word needed not wanted =P* Anatomy and Physiology 1 < (the one I needed) and a Political Science class. So this semester should be interesting. I'm going to go Monday or Tuesday to see if I can switch my BIO class to different days (I'm still getting out of Tapestry Justin sorry =P Can't say I'm to devastated though lol)

Then we went to a furniture store and met a nice salesman named Edwin Sanchez. He had an adorable 2 year old daughter =) and mom found a dresser she wanted so it worked. lol

So I pretty much had a great time with hanging out with my mother for the majority of the day. She's amazing. We talked a ton; it was much fun. =)

Then I finally returned to this home of mine...


So while everyone was playing slap jack last night I was pretty much pondering/thinking/being in my own world =P Although I wasn't all gone so I did notice things and exchange glances with people lol but when I was just staring at the cards in the middle I was thinking. lol

I was thinking about how much I wish I always knew what to say to people when they are upset...even if they say nothing is wrong when you know them really, really well you can just tell. And I don't care I know that something was wrong. This kinda stuff eats at me. =\

I guess all I can do is pray for them...and I know that is the most helpful amazing thing I could do for them. I know. But still part of me wishes I could do more.
Haha but as if I could do more than go before my and their Creator and ask for help. ha. wow that's a good one =P....

Then I was thinking about how incredible it is that He actually cares...I mean really cares. And I don't think that I totally get this and I'm not even pretending I do.
My Creator-THE GOD of the ENTIRE UNIVERSE aka everything cares. about. me. And all of my friends. Not only does he care but he knows every aspect of our lives... Hmmm yeah it blows my mind and I know I barely get it. Haha I don't think I could handle completely getting it...I mean if this blows my mind I don't know what it would do it I got it all...hmmm heaven will be amazing. =)
So yeah...the stuff that goes on within this head of mine. lol

It's all better now =)

"A kid at this high school camp walked up to me as we were leaving and he goes, "Can I ask you a question?" I go "Yeah." he asked "How bad is hell going to be?" I looked at him and I said, "I don't know. All I know is what the Bible tells me-- and for some reason the Bible tells me that physically it is going to be the most painful event you could ever imagine, emotionally it's going to be the most scarring event that could ever happen, spiritually it's going to be the most devastating event that could ever happen, and it's going to be nonstop for eternity." And he looked back at me and he goes, "Then why don't we care?" and I go, "I don't know...I wish I knew why I didn't care..."
-Todd Nighswonger Taking Sin Seriously
Why didn't I care?
Why don't I care more?
How could I not care?
I don't understand how I could not understand; how I still can't understand.

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Isn't that just a happy picture? I like happy pictures. lol

Yeah yesterday was fun, much fun. =) I pretty much agree with Justin that I haven't had that enjoyable of a time in a while. =P
Well...with the exception of the first 30 minutes of UnderOath. >.<
Chucking stuff on top of the garage roof to get something down, whipped cream, smarties, bugs, and yeah just other stuff. haha
Random stuff is the best. lol
And I seriously don't know how Ying ended up being my sister. I love her dearly but we really aren't that much alike. at all. lol
But yeah I can be to
My parents can be cruel sometimes too; but I do adore them. Really I do. =)
Life is good. =) (not that it ever wasn't because God is good, but I think you know what I mean.=P)

Makes me laugh:
I wouldn't mind dying... but I wouldn't want to die doing something stupid, I'd want to die doing something.... productive.
Like taking a bullet for someone?
Yes, exactly- that works.
Well...way to be stupid Ming.
Well I'm omimistic about most things. Wait no...
Oministic Ming?
I meant optimistic...
There we go!

Sunday, August 12, 2007

*Warning is very long* My thoughts on this past year. And yes, I know I'm thinking about this early =P

It was pretty great; Saturday I was re-listening to a sermon on the recommendation of a very good friend of mine. (thanks Lauren) It was first given at the first Sunday of this year and the basic gist of it was the pastor was asking everyone to evaluate their life and see how we plan things/assume things; such as what were they expecting to happen in 2007; and his point was that no matter how much we plan and assume stuff God's plan could be and probably is wayyy different from ours, and how we should be constantly evaluating our lives that we are doing what His will ect. It was amazing to listen to.

As I rode my bike listening to it, I started to think. So I paused it so I wouldn't be distracted and just started to really think and ponder how I never could/would have guessed what the past 8 going on 9 months of this year would have looked like back in January. I had even listened to this particular sermon when it came out back in January-- but it meant so much more to me now listening to it now.

This year has been a ride, that's for sure. My dad getting arrested started it all I do believe =P And you would think that would be enough. But then a small handful of things happened*a couple of you know what I'm talking about*and they weren't exactly trials that I would have chosen for It seriously seemed like month after month some foreign and not particularly pleasant issue or thing was thrown into my life--and always just when I was becoming accustom to the last alien thing, something else without fail would pop up. So many times now I remember just praying "Why this...why now?" Knowing full well that it probably wasn't for me to know just then, but still it just felt better asking. lol I remember crying, praying, and God so kindly, graciously, and lovingly meeting me every time. Seriously every time...I appreciated it then but looking back at how faithful He was just makes me appreciate it more.. Knowing that there is reason for everything and that nothing that comes into my life doesn't pass through His hands first are probably the things that kept me sane. =P Oh and the fact that He loves me. =)

It's soooo comforting to know that everything that has happened to me has a purpose though...hmmm it's not like God was like, "Hey you know what! I think it would be humorous to watch Ming freak, so how about we chuck a monkey wrench in her life- maybe even more than one! In February lets have her dad arrested, lose his license for 5-6 months, and the criminal charges who knows when we'll let those be dropped. Oh and how about I allow her to become really good friends with someone just so I can take that friend away for kicks, cause I know she'd be even more upset about something like that than the thing with her dad."
No. Thank you Lord that you don't do that... haha

Everything, no seriously guys do you get this? Everything that has happened has been so purposeful...He loved me so much He wanted me to grow and mature in certain areas of my life. So kindly and lovingly, ohh soo lovingly he clips stuff out of my life so that I can grow. Held me over the fire to burn out the garbage. Are you getting this? Seriously? How amazing this is? I mean only God could do this... My pride, fear of man, selfishness, and it goes on and on. Slowly but surely it's being chipped away at. As my faith is stretched to the point where I know I can't trust and have faith in Him on my own I realize in a new way every time how utterly dependent I really am on Him. I'm brought to the end of myself which is where I need to be... He's also used all of this to draw me closer to Him and I have come to find that there is no place I would rather be than with Him...

I guess looking back at all the stuff I just hope and pray that I have been able to mature, develop character, and grow even in just a small small way because of all of this.

As all the stuff starts to look like it's beginning to clear up; my dad has his license back *though the criminal stuff isn't done yet* and I'm friends with that person again/still/I don't even know lol I just hope and pray that I can continue to remember that I need God for everything. When things are looking bad but also when things are looking better.

He's been so faithful, so kind, so graceful, so loving.

Scary thing about this is that I know I still have so far to go. As I pray "God help me become more like you no matter what the cost." There's a voice in the back of my head that says "Do you really want that, really mean that? No matter what the cost?" And there are times I don't think I do want it that bad...but I consider the prize. haha and then how could I not pay whatever the price? I have counted the cost. And I'm still all in. =)

Because He's so worth it...

Goodness I love him much =)

James 1:2-4
2 Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

Saturday, August 11, 2007


I love God.
And my head is confusing.
That's all I have to say.
Wait...maybe not... =P

No More Faith

I say faith is a burden
It's a weight to bear
It's brave and bittersweet
And hope is hard to hold to
Lord, I believe
Only help my unbelief

Till there's no more faith
No more hope
I'll see your face and Lord, I'll know
That only love remains

Have you heard it said that Jesus is the answer
And thought about the many doubts you hide
Have you wondered how he loves you
If He really knows how dark you are inside?
Pillar of Fire

Where, Oh Lord, are you leading?
I can get so scared in the night
My feet are cut and bleeding
With every step I feel less alive

Oh, but Pillar of Fire, you blazed this trail
You've been there every step along the road
From a barn in Bethlehem to Hell and back again
You blazed the trail that leads me home

I love Andrew Peterson.

Wednesday, August 8, 2007

I mean this to...I'm not just saying it...*sigh*

Hey God...
Would you please, please shape me into the girl/woman/daughter that you would have me be?...No matter what the cost...I'm sure about this. Do whatever it takes.
Mold me, shape me, push me, pull me. Love me.
Even if it means getting really dirty.
I'm just a dirty lump of clay...Thankfully you are an the incredible Potter.
I don't care if I end up being a cup or a goblet- really I don' what you will. 'Cause you know so much more than I do about what's best for me.
I don't know what my life and the future holds. But I put my faith and trust completely in you.
Thanks; You're amazing. I love you. Seriously. =)
In Jesus name I ask this-
Ming =)

Lord if I'm the clay then lay me down
On your spinning wheel
Shape me into something you can fill
With something real

- Caedmon's call

Really Random. Yeah..really random.

Note: Yes, lyrics to songs can be very depressingish.

Now on a completely different note... Yesterday I was at the office and things were moving reallllllly slow. So I went upstairs to see what kinda books I could find. My mom has so many random old books everywhere up there it's great. lol Some of them are really boring but the others are cool. So I searched about 3 bookshelves before I found something that looked promising.

I found an old book of a collection of short works by Rudyard Kipling. For some reason the falling apart red cover caught my eye so I decided to read it. I paged through the stories finding little of interest until I can across Mowgli's Brothers which I found out is the first chapter from The Jungle Book. I had always meant to read the book since I was like 11 but never really got around to it...but I decided to read it at that moment.

While reading it I decided that Bageera is an awesome name. I was in the middle of reading and just set the book down and said the name out loud (no one was in the room so it was ok no one thought I had lost my mind or something) and thought it sounded awesome when I said it, "Bageera." haha it's pretty amazing. Coupled with the fact that he's a black panther I mean come on what's not to love? lol Yes, you can laugh, I know I'm a complete nerd/dork. =P

I finished reading it in about 10-15 mins and throughly enjoyed it. But to my chagrin it only included the first chapter of the book. That pretty much killed me.

After we got home from frisbee I started looking in my room and then the whole house for the book in it's entirety. Finally after looking in my room, the guest bedroom, downstairs, and my brothers room, I decided to ask my mom where it might be (because I knew we had to have at least one copy of it). She then walks into the living room to a bookshelf where I see a wonderfully thick book with bold type on the binding that read: RUDYARD KIPLING SELECTED WORKS. Considering the thickness of the book I knew if The Jungle Book was contained in those pages it would have the whole book. I looked; saw it and was happy. =D

***Note: For all of you guys who don't know me or my family at all;
My mom loves books which is why we have at least 15 bookshelves *not including small ones* throughout the house, even more at the office, and still don't have enough shelf space for all of them... and my Dad loves technology, he likes books alot to- but not as much as my mom. And my mom is not a technology person at all. lol I love both books and other stuff although if I had to choose...books would win hands down.
I love books....and I adore reading
***Another Note: The Disney movie is stupid compared to the book.

Even more random: Then I was thinking about it and for some reason the word Jungle triggered this: when I was little we had these crayons that were awesome. My favorite green was Jungle Green- it was amazing I colored all my palm trees with that color.=P. And green wasn't even my favorite color then I don't think... Also it was a Crayola crayon not a Roseart one. I hate the Roseart crayons they are to waxy and the colors aren't very vivid at all. I seriously could rant about how much I disliked those crayons and how much better Crayola ones are. But I'll stop now even though it's to late to act like I'm not a dork/nerd. =P

Later. =)

The Masters Way

I love this.

The Masters Way
Not ours to know the reason why Unanswered is our prayer
But ours to wait for God's own time

To lift the cross we bear;

Not ours to know the reasony why

From loved ones we must part
But ours to live in faith and hope
Though bleeding to the heart;

Not ours to know the reason

Why this anguish, strife and pain

But ours to know a crown of thorns

Sweet graces for us gain

A cross, bleeding heart and crown-

What greater gifts are given?

Be still, my heart, and murmur not;
These are the keys of heaven.
- Unknown.

Tuesday, August 7, 2007

Soccer ball?

Frisbee without a frisbee is rather...lacking frisbeeishness.
Example: Ultimate with a soccer ball because no one brought a frisbee is very very sad.
Not to even mention the fact that it was 100 or so out.
I'm not complaining or anything-just stating the facts =)
And I'm still completely happy because He loves me =D


Hmmmm I love Him.
How could I not?

Sunday, August 5, 2007


All day with Lauren, the Georges, time with Kate, an Aussie-ish wedding, Sarah looking adorable, sweltering heat, bug bites, ice tea, fire, and helping out. That was my Saturday...=)
Mr. and Mrs. George are amazingly incredible. I don't know how they do it...
Lauren and I had the drink table down below and that was....interesting, it got kinda slow alot...thankfully Keri, Stephen, Tyler, and Mark came and talked with us or we would have been very bored.
After the actual wedding Lauren and I took back these large vases of flowers to the Schaaf's for the reception. We got there about 5 ish? The we served tea and water below-it went well apart from Lauren dropping the jar and me probably getting really obnoxious to Lauren and other people...But it's ok...
The dancing was fun to watch =) After the dance quite a few people shared stories about Mike and Sarah so that was cool. Mike shared some things after which Sarah threw the bouquet. Rachel made me get up but I just stood in the wayyyyy back =P. Christina caught it; Mark H was very happy. lol
The Georges and I left about 12:30. Ying and I spent the night because it just worked easier that way. And we talked for a little after we got back to their was fun... I love them =)

Facts learned-
The dress that I wanted to wear wasn't me...even if I did rather like it alot. And the dress that I decided to wear didn't look absolutely horrid on it's ok...
Lauren has amazing glares, Keri is awesome, Tyler is a pyromaniac, Stephen didn't want to dance with Tyler, and Mark can break it down-it was amazing. Also Pierce is incredible *Lauren and I have decided* he was sooo helpful. And some stuff learned can not be said here because people would probably not be very happy with me actually though not much was learned I'm just saying that to be annoying =P... lol

She's my favorite =D

Then again so are these girls...

Alas everyone left us to go do something else so we were kinda bored and there was no one around...sooo...


We were devastated because everyone had left...I think I look sadder than Lauren though =P


I don't see how on earth you ever thought my eyes were green =P

Saturday, August 4, 2007

I liked it....

Due to the fact I am short on time, also because I can't write half as well as he can, and because it's really not worth your time to read my silly ramblings; I'm going post this written by Brian Colmery- ***read it***

Making a Sword

So I’ve gotten into the nasty habit of asking God to do whatever needs to be done to make me the man He needs me to be. This includes using the words "wreck my life," "do whatever you need to do," and "mess me up if you have to" - basically all the phrases that come with the desire for God to move mightily regardless of my personal sense of comfort and superficial happiness. This, of course, is a really stupid thing to pray. I’m just starting to feel it, just starting to see it happen, and peaking over the horizon is what I knew was sneaking up behind my good intentions—a significant amount of pain.

God reaching in and changing your life is never comfortable, and it never comes in such a way that you can see what He’s going for. God uses circumstances like a blacksmith uses a hammer, and I don’t think the metal ever knows it’s becoming a sword when it’s being beaten, thrown into a fire, and then drowned. In the same way I don’t know what I’m becoming. I know what I want, what my heart desires, and I know I don’t have it. There are times in every man’s life when feelings swoop down on him, lighting up caverns of longing in his heart that have never been explored. They’re deep enough to get lost in, and vast enough to make him wonder if they ever end—or if they might not go on forever, and every day is one of either ignorance or of discovering new pockets of emptiness until life has finally had it’s way with him. Pain comes from odd places, but, when their masks are chipped away, grief and loss and depression and loneliness are all the same creature: hopelessness. The ghost that lurks behind every conscious thought of pain is the out-of-focus vision of a life that doesn’t get better. Ever. A quiet whisper, a gentle wind that paints a life where the pain never goes away. Where you never will be loved, or, maybe worse, where the love you have packed up inside will never get the chance to stretch out and come to rest on someone else. Where nothing will patch the hole left when a loved one passed. Where no one seems to be able to really, really know you. Where you are, with finality, alone.

A man can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel in the same way that the metal can’t see the sword. Yet the metal is painfully aware of one thing—someone is swinging the hammer. I know too, in the midst of my own shaping, that God is holding the hammer. And He is the light at the end of my tunnel. He will finish what He has begun, and it is that assurance that banishes any ghost that dares beset His child.

God is our refuge and strength,
an ever-present help in trouble.
Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,
Though its waters roar and foam
and the mountains quake with their surging. Selah

There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
the holy place where the Most High dwells.
God is within her, she will not fall;
God will help her at break of day.
Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall;
he lifts his voice, the earth melts.
The LORD Almighty is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress. Selah

Come and see the works of the LORD,
the desolations he has brought on the earth.
He makes wars cease to the ends of the earth;
he breaks the bow and shatters the spear,
he burns the shields with fire.
"Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth."
The LORD Almighty is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress. Selah

Friday, August 3, 2007

Am I coherent? hmm didn't think so.

My parents can be awful, think that by now they would have learned that I take things far to seriously and they need to be nice about stuff. Worse they were laughing about their horrible humor.... =P lol Then again they are amazing- they told me what they did/got for me for my Birthday and I was exquisitely happy. =D *exquisite is an amazing word* You'd never guess what they got though. =)

Frisbee was blahhh- the slushy run with Lauren was the highlight for me. Plus seeing...*well she knows* was funny cause we find that kind of stupid stuff funny. =P And when she's driving *a car* it's alot of fun. =) Made me laugh. =P

Andddd now I'm off to the Schaaf's to help my favoritest Mrs. George! =D
Take a ride on the mighty lion
Take a hold of the golden mane
This is the love of Jesus So good but it is not tame


Thursday, August 2, 2007


My God, I love Thee; not because
I hope for heaven thereby,
Nor yet because who love Thee not
Are lost eternally.
Thou, O my Jesus, Thou didst me
Upon the cross embrace;
For me didst bear the nails, and spear,
And manifold disgrace,
And griefs and torments numberless,
And sweat of agony;
Yea, death itself; and all for me
Who was thine enemy.
Then why, O blessed Jesus Christ,
Should I not love Thee well?
Not for the sake of winning heaven,
Nor of escaping hell;
Not from the hope of gaining aught,
Not seeking a reward;
But as Thyself hast loved me,
O ever-loving Lord.
So would I love Thee, dearest Lord,
And in Thy praise will sing;
Solely because Thou art my God,
And my most loving King.

Francis Xavier, 1506-1552

Translated by Edward Caswall, 1814-1878.


The problem is alot of us; I would say alot of us in this room if not all of us- love God. But the hard thing about this command is we love God not with our entire selves. We love God with part of our mind, a fraction of our soul, with a portion of our heart. And God says "That's not going to do it. You need to love me with your entire self. You need to be completely consumed completely saturated you need to be able to focus solely on me you can't have love for anything else in this world."
Matt Moore

I can't seem to get this.
I get part of it but not all of it...
It's annoying me.

It's not until I am broken that am I going to get this though...
So...break me.
Take all of me.
And I'm serious.

Wednesday, August 1, 2007

Being myself...

"I proceeded to tell them how wrong I thought it was that so many women I knew violently refused to admit that they looked acceptable in a picture. I understand that not every picture is great, I said, but I thought it was ridiculous that they had the preconceived notion that they could not possibly look good in a photograph. Not only was it ridiculous, but it was insulting: it suggests that the God that made them didn’t do a good job. The bottom line, I told them, was that too many girls I know have let the world tell them what is beautiful and have accepted that they are not, when the simple fact is that the way they look physically is crafted by a perfect God. He makes no mistakes, and they shouldn’t let even the smallest thought that suggests otherwise enter their minds."
Brian Colmery
......Quiet guys. I know this is me. lol I was laughing when I read that.
That was the stupid part.
The fun part was reading it to Ying. *smirk* Hey if I have to go down I'm taking her with me. =P
And I was reading something else and I have come to the conclusion that I'm going to stop trying to be other people. *Clarification: I'm not going to stop looking at them so I can improve because there is tons of room for improvement in myself... but I'm going to stop trying to be them and be me-- I'm going to stop idolizing them.

See I occasionally *well more like all the time* compare myself to people.
//My Head//
Oh I wish I was as;
-amazing as Lauren
-gentle and kind as Katelyn
-all around godly as Laura
-likable as Keri
-sweet as Ivy
-talented at writing, artsy, and nice as Sarah E.
-funny as Ying
And it goes on and on and on....

"If we can be like someone else, we’ve got something to lean on that seems secure. But if we have to be ourselves, we’ve got no promises of success.
Yet, funny enough, the truth is the exact opposite. The only thing trying to be someone else guarantees you is failure. Because you just aren’t them, and no matter how well you can impersonate them, everyone will be able to tell that you’re faking it."
Brian Colmery

I wanted to be them. But no longer.
Faking it is no longer an option for me. I want to be real. Even if it means that people see a girl who isn't perfect, messes up (quite often), has a strange mind, and is to serious. This is me.
Being myself means I don't have a promise of other people's successes, but that's ok with me now.
I want to be the girl that God would have me be.
The girl whom He loves.
I'm going to be Ming (or Ming-Wai whichever you prefer). =)
"So I’ve decided that I need to start praying that I’d stop living like God is real and start living because God is real. The beautiful part of this is how easy responding to life becomes—I don’t need to worry about how I look, because I won’t need to stay in character anymore. No more reminding myself that Christians read their bible and pray, no more reminding myself that Christians don’t get frustrated with people out of selfishness, no more reminding myself that Christians draw on their love for God when they worship. Instead, I’ll actually be someone in love with God. And that, as far as I can tell, is the whole point."

^^^^^^^I want that to be me. I sooooo want that to be me. I'm begging God for that to be me.