Monday, December 31, 2007
It's been a long year. I wouldn't change a thing though. Honest. As I site here thinking about all the stuff that has happened and gone on I honestly can say that I trust God. I trust He knows better than I do about what's good for me.
Now I'm not saying that everything that's come up has been "solved" or that I can see the end results of my current circumstances. All I'm saying is that in the midst of them, I have faith that God is good. There is nothing in my life that escapes His notice and there is nothing in my life that hasn't been sovereignly planned. There really is a reason for everything. A reason that my family runs late to alot of things [=P], a reason that my dad was arrested, a reason that I'm as strange as I am, a reason that I care to much, a reason that I read the last book I read, a reason that friendships have developed and grown, and there's a reason I'm sitting here at this very moment typing this. I really honestly believe this.
So that is the mindset that I have as I welcome in this new year.
I love you all really I do, I hope you all of a marvelous new years day, and an amazing year filled with love, faith, and joy. Because He loves us---really He does.
For You, every day
I find how whole You make me when I
Lay down all of my will,
I am found within Your love
I want to be found in His love---but I want to keep my will...
God, please help me lay down my will, my ideas, all of it...
It's Your's, it was never mine to begin with so just please, please, please take it.
Friday, December 28, 2007
Thursday, December 27, 2007
And at some point here I'm going to be changing my blog to --- www.prone-to-depravity.blogspot.com.
So yes. Heads up. =)
If you only read this out of a feeling of obligation, then this is the perfect opportunity to "lose" my blog. =P
Another note: Hillsong is amazing =)
No longer I but Christ in me
Cause it’s the truth that set me free
How could this world be a better place?
But by thy mercy and by thy grace
Now playing: Hillsong - What The World Will Never Take
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
For Christmas Day;
Twine mistletoe and holly.
For a friendship glows
In winter snows,
And so let's all be jolly!
We may not have snow, but friendship does glow.
Yes, I know that was corny.
Oh well. =P
Merry Christmas everyone.
Love you all.
Sunday, December 23, 2007
The ability I have to follow God; is not predicated on my ability to follow Him.
The capacity I have to follow Him; is predicated on His ability to draw me.
I have no ability to come to God on my own. None. There is nothing in me that would choose God. Therefore the only explanation that makes sense is not that I was looking, not that I was following. The only thing that makes sense is I was drawn. Drawn by an deep, intoxicating, unfathomable Love [God].
It is only the Father's grace and love, that draws me into a relationship with the Son---which then leads back to a full relationship with the Father.
It's only through His grace that I have the opportunity to come. And it's only through His grace I have the ability to come.
Think about that. I mean really think about that.
Now, I'm going to go sing and worship and love --- because I'm loved. Truly I am.
He loves me.
He loved me before and He loves me after.
It makes me happy.
I'm debating whether or not I want to go with
instead of readitif-youwant.
I don't know it just sounds to like stuck on myself or something...
So yeah, I want to change it. =P
Thursday, December 20, 2007
The bleeding has stopped now, so that's nice. My entire jaw is completely numb though.
It's going to be a wondrous Christmas break.
My oral surgeon was really really nice though. =)
Oh and she said I had massive teeth...that was comforting.
Edit [it's like 7:30]
My mouth is no longer numb and my lip doesn't feel huge anymore! It makes me happy. =P
I've been reading for most of the day...
The Weight of Glory is an amazing book. I love it. I love C.S. Lewis. He's brilliant.
"If God is satisfied with the work, the work may be satisfied with itself."
--The Weight of Glory
Future of Forestry is amazing. You should listen to them.
For You have been the love that fell like sun upon my face
Like a child I'm gazing
Into wondrous love
You're taking me to places that my heart is dreaming of
Broken I was crawling
And You saw my tears were falling
Falling down like rivers to Your heart
When my world was folding
God, You saw my prayers were flowing
Flowing out like rivers to Your heart
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
I know I've posted this quote before. But I needed to read it again.
"I want you to know that the Bible says to you. today. If you are being cut and pruned by your circumstances it's not 'cause He hates you. It's because he wants you to grow and in that area. So not only is it just random, because he's not capricious. "I want them to grow so I'll slice them here." No, it doesn't work that way, he says "I want to see this in their life, I want to see this in their heart, I want to see this grow out of them, so I'm going to cut them right here." Very specifically, very intentionally. So you guys have the ability right now if you believe in Christ, if you abide in the Vine, if that's true of you; you can look at any circumstance in your life and go, "You know what that's interesting cause if that's happening it means that God wants me to grow in that area and if He does it, He's going to finish the job." And you can count on that."
That's really, really, really comforting. My God is good... There is a reason behind everything that happens. Everything guys. God wants me to grow...hmmmmm
I guess it goes back to finding all my joy and giving everything I have to God. Because He deserves it and it's all about His glory.
Ok I'm going to stop being introspective and serious. 'Cause if I keep doing it --- I'll go mad. =P
I love the Mrs. George so much. And she's kind not to just assume things ; )
She's my favoritest Mrs. George ever.
And she's adorable. =)
And the puppies are cute too. =)
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Monday, December 17, 2007
Saturday, December 15, 2007
It'd be easier to be perfect.
Why does there always have to be something.?
I'd write out what happened--- but it'd take way to long...
Also I hate what your eyes feel like after you cry. It's annoying. =P
On a happier note; my friends are amazing and I'm so thankful for best friends. Honest.
Thursday, December 13, 2007
how they shimmer shine so bright
against the black they look so white
comin down from such a height
I'm done with school!!!
...well at least for this semester.
It makes me so happy. =)
I'm kinda tired though...
My night was made last night.
I saw a shooting star(s) last night.
That's not why it was made but it worked. =P
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
I'm happy. No reason really---I just am. Though it could have something to do with the amazingness of happy music and amazing sermons on light. lol It's kinda complicated. =P
This semester is almost done!!!! I don't know if I want to graduate at Church with everyone or not...I don't know.
I think to much.
Way to much.
But I'll live. =P
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
I wasn't saying that God has taken things way or that He is even going to take any of it away. He very well may not. But it's just my willingness and faith if He was to take it away. Does that makes sense? [also I know at somepoint he will take something away, because I know I have a tendency to make idols out of things. So I'm not saying he never will because eventually I will lose something...but yeah now I'm just sorta going in circles so I'm going to stop. =P]
If God asked me to walk away from my possessions. Can I? If God said you need to leave everything that brings you comfort. Would I be able to go "Gone, done." because I love Him more than anything. He might never ask me to walk away from it all. But if He did, could I do it? I guess it's more of a hypothetical question.
And it really is funny how much stuff like that hurts just thinking about it. God hasn't even taken it away but yet just coming to the end of myself and just really sitting down and counting the cost hurts. My family, friends, material things, dreams and aspirations, are still "options" God hasn't said no to them at this time. Does that make sense? I still might be able to be a nurse, I still have good friends and family, ect..
But I know I have to be able to walk away from those things. I have to be able to say, "God you're so much more important than anything, my relationship with You is so much more important than anything else --- that I will gladly walk away from it all at the drop of the hat. I want to pursue you above all else and get to know You, because that is eternal life."
Sunday, December 9, 2007
No, seriously guys. If God told me to walk away from anything could I?
Or if in one fell swoop God was to prune all of this stuff out of my life. How would I respond?
As God has poured endless blessings into my life, have I become distracted by them? Have they stolen my gaze when it should be focused on the One giving instead of what is being given? My God is a jealous God. And I assure you that if there is something that I am to attached to that I will not let go of He will kindly graciously remove it for me.
Ugh. Can I really willingly give it all up?
I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
Without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don't wanna spend my whole life asking
"What if I had given everything
instead of going through the motions."
Thursday, December 6, 2007
1. Maybe it's cause I don't have one?
2. Maybe it's because even though I may have a life [sad though it very well may be], I know you guys really don't care about it.
Either way I haven't done it. So this is going to be a pointless post about what has been going on.
2. Studying for school.
In between time reading, conversing, and thinking.
My government teacher showed up today dressed up as Santa. I'm scarred for life.
Don't I lead a thrilling life? =P
Anyways, it's crazy to think that it's already December. *audible gasp* Only 19 days till Christmas [I'm almost done Christmas shopping but some people *cough* *cough* need to tell me what they want.] and 26 days until we ring in the bright and shiny new year. 2008. Whoa.
PS. For those of you who think I'm in denial about some things [you know who you are. =P]
It's not denial. See below.
Monday, December 3, 2007
My eyes are tired.
I am loved.
I was loved.
God doesn't love me because of something I did or didn't do.
He loved me before...
"You are always, always, always, loved and you never need to go anywhere else other than God to find it. As a Christian in this room---as anyone in this room, I beg you, learn not to pursue God's love like you have to earn it but learn to rest in it because you have it. And let that motivate your whole life."
Now playing: Brian Colmery - John 3:16 - Part 1: For God so Loved the World
Friday, November 30, 2007
On the flip side! I read this really really good article today---it's well worth the 5 minutes it would take to read it.
Gauging Spiritual Growth
I just stopped by Miltons Blog and he referred me to a short questionnaire to help determine one’s spiritual growth. I agree with Milton in his general wariness of stuff like that. At the same time, I’m very interested in the topic: shepherding well involves a lot of judgment calls as to how people are growing spiritually, because if you care for them and want to help them grow you have to see if they’re growing in the first place.
When I think about quantifying spiritual growth in the Bible, I vacillate towards 1 John. While it talks predominantly about assurance, this assurance tends to be grounded in the overarching pattern of spiritual growth in the believer (1 John 2:28; also 2:4-6, 24-27, 3:10, 18-19; 5:13). We preached through this book a year and a half ago when we first planted Shoreline, and I remember constantly telling people that to have confidence in their salvation they need to look back and see how God has molded them more into the image of Christ over the long haul. Most people would get bogged down in a bad week, or even a bad day they had, and would start to lose confidence. But John kept pointing us to the larger pattern of our lives to show that God was indeed at work within us, even though the journey had hills and valleys.
This was good for everyone—me especially—but as we went I realized that this approach is very general and works with a lot of externals. And after we wrapped up the book, I started to wonder what spiritual growth looked like from an autobiographical point of view. While the pattern of my life did give me assurance that the Spirit was at work, how was I to view that? How would I know I was maturing spiritually from the inside, on a more daily and internal basis?
I found my answer in the experiences of Paul. It’s kind of funny how intensely personal he gets in his epistles, especially given that they ended up as scripture. The guy wore his heart on his sleeve, and God put that in scripture for us to follow. That’s a whole other post. But as you watch Paul grow you see a distinct pattern emerge: In 1 Corinthians 15:9, he refers to himself as the “least of the apostles.” Later, in Ephesians 3:8, he calls himself the “least of all the saints.” Finally, as an older man, Paul calls himself the foremost of sinners (1 Timothy 1:15).
It seems as though, from the inside, the way you quantify your spiritual growth is by how aware you are of your sin.
This tends to run counter to the way evangelicals like to run things: everything is always great, everyone is always growing, everyone is sinning less and less every day, or so we tell ourselves and each other. But if Paul is any indicator, your growth in Christ is measured not by how you feel less and less sinful, but how you feel more and more sinful. A growing awareness and despair over your sin marks true growth in the believer. And I don’t think it’s too far to say that using any other standard to judge our internal growth is a step towards legalism. That isn’t to say that the questionnaire above is unbiblical, or that taking stock of the way you live out your faith isn’t important - the Bible is clear that it is (James 2:14-17). But it is to say that, from inside our own heads, we shouldn’t be proud that we feel more holy every day. We should repent of our pride and lack of growth. We know we’re on the right track if, every day, we wake up and find more sin when we thought we’d already exhausted our capacity for it—which will force us to our knees in humble repentance and to our feet in joyful reception of the grace to be found in the blood of Christ. As we grow in awareness of sin, so too we will grow in joy for the gospel: he who is forgiven little loves little (Luke 7:47). And so, at the end of the day, God gets more glory as our only hope for salvation and joy in a sin-stained world, created by sin-stained hearts like our own.
You can't read that without praising and thanking God. =)
I knew all of this but it really, really struck me this time.
It was so encouraging for me to read.
To easily do I get discouraged when I am made aware of a new sin or in some way it's brought to my attention that a current sin issues goes deeper than I ever thought possible.
But the fact is that-- I'm going to be sinful until the day I die and reach heaven. Now that doesn't mean that I don't fight it vehemently or shouldn't feel any remorse when I do sin. Yet I need to realize maybe feeling holy isn't what I should be striving for...I put way to much stock in what I'm feeling--just because I sinful doesn't mean I'm far from God and just because I feel holy doesn't mean I'm close with Him...in fact if anything it's probably the opposite...
And when I'm made more acutely aware of how sinful I am-- it should drive me towards God, not away from him. It should drive me towards the ONLY One who can save me. It should drive me to more genuine prayer and sweeter worship....
He is my only hope.
I love Him.
And guys don't think it's a big deal on my part that I love Him, please don't....the only reason I love much is because I was forgiven much, the reason I love is because I was loved. Much more than I could ever love...
Anyways I can't write well at all and for that I'm sorry. But I hope you guys know that I really mean this....
Alright it's late -- love you all. Goodnight.
Thursday, November 29, 2007
It's about Jesus. And me. Forever in that order. And all the other stuff may be important, or it may be incredibly inconsequential, but one thing is for sure: it will always be secondary."
If I sail to farthest seas
Would you find and firm and gather 'til I only dwell in Thee?
If I flee from greenest pastures
Would you leave to look for me?
Forfeit glory to come after
'Til I only dwell in Thee
If my heart has one ambition
If my soul one goal to seek
This my solitary vision 'til I only dwell in Thee
That I only dwell in Thee
'Til I only dwell in Thee
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Who shall a helpless worm redeem?
Jesus! my only hope thou art,
Strength of my failing flesh and heart;
O could I catch one smile from thee,
And drop into eternity!
[Charles Wesley wrote amazing hymns ^ that one on his death bed...wow]
Justin, see maybe I'm not completely whacked. =P Most of you probably don't know what I'm talking about.
Just ask me about it sometime. You probably won't understand--but that's ok. Not many people do. =P
In other news... I've come to the conclusion that "readitif-youwant" just isn't working for me. So I need ideas for a new name. Please? Oh and if I do decide to change my name let me know if you want it.
School calls. Love you all.
Listen (cause he loves God.): Brian Colmery - What Does it all Mean? Intimacy with God, pt. 2
Monday, November 26, 2007
When the world has fallen out from under me
I'll be found in you, still standing
When the sky rolls up and mountains fall on their knees
When time and space are through
I'll be found in you
When the world has fallen out from under me
I'll be found in you, still standing
Every fear and accusation under my feet
when time and space are through
I'll be found in you
Dreary--- look up the word in the dictionary and you'd probably see today.
Saturday, November 24, 2007
Friday, November 23, 2007
What caught my eye in the article was this quote by Pullman, "Atheism suggests a degree of certainty that I'm not quite willing to accede. I suppose technically, you'd have to put me down as an agnostic. But if there is a God, and he is as the Christians describe him, then he deserves to be put down and rebelled against. As you look back over the history of the Christian church, it's a record of terrible infamy and cruelty and persecution and tyranny. How they have the bloody nerve to go on Thought for the Day and tell us all to be good when, given the slightest chance, they'd be hanging the rest of us and flogging the homosexuals and persecuting the witches." *wince* What I hate about that is that it's so true. Grant it the true Christ centered Church would not do those things --- but through out the ages men have misused the name of our Savior... Hitler called himself a Christian...
And sometimes I'm scared to call myself a Christian because I don't want people to equate Christianity to me, I don't want to define it for them. Because frankly I'm a huge mess and my life is the same. Now I understand that I shouldn't worry about that, that God is bigger than me. Oh I know this in my head. But there's still that quiet voice in my head that tells me that I could screw it up. It's so easy to be distracted by my sin, failures, and screw ups.
I mean like sure it's cool handing out tracks or going door to door. But actually having close non-Christian friends? Who are involved in my life and see me day to day....that scares me. I mean I'd almost rather mess up around my Christian friends. They understand that we all mess up and they aren't going to define their faith by the way that I live. But people who aren't Christians---they'll hear me talk about loving others like I love myself, then see me degrade a person. They'll hear me talk about how great my God is and how amazing joy is....but then they'll see that I get down like everyone else. And there are countless other examples.
Does any of this make sense?
Then----did I ever tell you how much I love the Bible? =) It's sooo chock full of people who are screw ups....just like me. Yet God loved them....Oh do you get this guys? Think of Peter. Rock of the Church. Also denied Christ 3 times. Think of David. Lier, adulterer...murderer. Yet God equates Himself to him! He called him a man after His own heart. This is unbelievably comforting to me. How can my God be this good...
I'm going to put my faith in Him.... I'm going to stop fretting and worrying about screwing up. I'm going to screw up. I know this. But my God is so much bigger than me...even bigger than my sin.
32And what more shall I say? I do not have time to tell about Gideon, Barak, Samson, Jephthah, David, Samuel and the prophets, 33who through faith conquered kingdoms, administered justice, and gained what was promised; who shut the mouths of lions, 34quenched the fury of the flames, and escaped the edge of the sword; whose weakness was turned to strength; and who became powerful in battle and routed foreign armies. 35Women received back their dead, raised to life again. Others were tortured and refused to be released, so that they might gain a better resurrection. 36Some faced jeers and flogging, while still others were chained and put in prison. 37They were stoned; they were sawed in two; they were put to death by the sword. They went about in sheepskins and goatskins, destitute, persecuted and mistreated— 38the world was not worthy of them. They wandered in deserts and mountains, and in caves and holes in the ground.
39These were all commended for their faith, yet none of them received what had been promised. 40God had planned something better for us so that only together with us would they be made perfect.
Thursday, November 22, 2007
Things I am thankful for...
First and foremost--- God loving me-- for being Love. That perfect eternal Love... And the actions that, that Love brought about. The Savior. The rescuing. The saving. Full atonement...Can it be? Yes, it can. =) May I never, ever, ever, ever, get over it.
Second--- Prayer and worship. And I don't mean this in sort of a fake way. I'm dead serious. I love being able to talk with my God. Seriously. And worship in a way to thank him for alllll he's done. And I really mean that.
Third--- Trials. God had foreordained for me to go through them and I'm thankful for them. Now grant it I know that other people have had a far more trying year than I have had. Still my dad was arrested and kinda having all my 'security' stripped away wasn't something I'd planned on. And we're still dealing with stuff from that. Then there was something else...yeah. That stretched me probably the most. Everything for a reason though right? =) And then there were a bunch of other misc things that sprouted up. It's been a full year. I'm so thankful for what I've learned or come to grasp in a deeper way. 1. Falling in love with God is the most important thing. 2. Love people. 3. My roots of joy and satisfaction must be found completely in him. 4. Worrying is completely worthless. Just to name a few.
God takes away the world, that the heart may cleave more to Him in sincerity.
Not to be afflicted is a sign of weakness; for, therefore God imposeth no more on me, because he sees I can bear no more.
Fourth--- My parents. I can't tell you how much I love them. God knew what he was doing when he made them my parents. =) I can talk to either of them for hours about anything. But in particularly my mom. Her patience with me is unbelievable. =) They are amazing and I take them for granted way to much....
Sixth--- The privilege of being part of a Christ Gospel centered church and serving there. =)
Seventh--- Speakers who I don't know but have benefited from greatly over the past year;
1. Francis Chan- The teaching pastor at Cornerstone has an amazing heart for God.
Not superficial at all, incredibly humble, and so compassionate towards the poor. Being able to benefit from his teaching has been so cool.
2. Brian Colmery- The pastor at Shoreline, the church only started about 2 years ago. But he's just an awesome speaker and so passionate about God. And so real.
3. Nick Vujicic- Wow. I think I seeing him was the most convicting thing for me when it comes to having joy all the time in every circumstance. I have nothing to complain about
Just a few others being- Chuck Bomar; Todd Nighswonger; Scott Mehl; C.J. Mahaney; Josh Harris; John Loftness; Bob Dohohue; Brad Buser; Matt Moore; Eric Simmons; Jeff Barich; Clive Cliver--- Amongst others.
Eighth-- Authors that have had an impact of me.
God; The Bible
C.S. Lewis; Till We Have Faces, Mere Christianity, Screwtape Letters, The Chronicles of Narnia
John Piper; Don't Waste Your Life
Randy Alcorn; The Grace and Truth Paradox, Safely Home, Dominion, Deadline
Ted Dekker; The Slumber of Christianity, Black, Red, White, Blink, Obsessed, Heaven's Wager, When Heaven Weeps
C.J. Mahaney; The Cross Centered Life,
Bill Myers; Eli, When the Last Leaf Falls, The Face of God
Tenth--- People. (this should be way higher on the list)
My friends are absolutely incredible. And I'm going to only write about the people who I know read this on a somewhat regular basis. (so if you aren't on here it's just because I don't know you read this...)
Because it would take way to long to talk about all my friends because they're that awesome. =) Scary thing about these people is that the vast majority I haven't known for very long at all. Yet I can't imagine not knowing them. Wow. Yeah.
Alphabetically in order.
Carter- This kid is really awesome. He's pretty much my brother. I've only known Carter for about 2 years now? And he's changed soooo much within that time period. He went from a skater boy punk, to a band boy, to an emoish kid (for reasons not necessary to say. =P), to a somewhat of a prep, back again now to a band boy. Which I think fits him best. =) Haha he even let me post on his music review blog once! I was pretty touched. He's really awesome and he loves God. And! he's moving closer now.! =D
Justin- From going to not getting along at all to becoming pretty much siblings is pretty impressive. That's what happened with Justin. lol I've known this kid from when he was about 5? He was a mean little kid. =P Also to smart for his own good. =P And he makes dumb jokes that still flabbergast me (even you think I'd be used to them by now =P). Like Sunday driving back to our house is a perfect example... -_-
Lauren- Lauren is a.m.a.z.i.n.g. I love her so much. I can trust her to tell me exactly what she really thinks and not just want she thinks I want hear. She's friends with me even if I'm annoying or exasperate her with some stuff. =P We are alot alike...yet...not. Lol So it's nice because she doesn't always agree with me so therefore it makes for some interesting conversations sometimes. =P God has blessed me so much with a friend with whom I can talk about normal and spiritual sort of stuff. Oh! Plus she'll listen to sermons and it's nice to have someone to talk with them about. I don't know what I would do without her. =)
Mrs. George- She's pretty much my favoritest Mrs. George ever. She's such an example to me in pretty much everything. She's so enthusiastic about God, serving, and loving and...well you get the picture. =) Yet while she's enthusiastic and happy-- she isn't fake or superficial at all. She's so down to earth and personable you can't help but love her. Not to mention her adorable little daughter. =) I miss seeing her at the office though. =(
Sarah- Sadly, I rarely talk to Sarah much anymore. But reading her blog is always refreshing with her insight and thoughts. This is a girl that really loves God. Her heart for Africa and other countries is such an example to me as well. I love her even if I never get to see her. =(
Stephen- For some reason the Laymans put us in the same class or we probably wouldn't be friends. =P He's pretty much the most awesome guy to work with in the 4's and is pretty much an expert at making cars and dice out of play dough. Even if he didn't know I existed until like last year--he was nice enough to try to talk to me at first since I'm not really that outgoing. He's really easy to talk to, puts up with my annoying self, is honest, and doesn't put on facade. He loves God which is pretty much the most awesome thing. Oh and he likes Michigan. =)
Tyler- Tyler's awesome. He's amazing with computers. I've known him for few years but wasn't until the past year or so that I've become better friends with him. Largely due to 816 I think... =P No, seriously though he's so chill is awesome. He's easy going and easy to talk to. Even though his attention is very easily diverted by cars and his PDA (mostly cars though). =P And I mean what would I do without knowing about the amazing angry management properties of bubble wrap?
So yes, these people are awesome and you should be friends with them because if you aren't it's your loss. I'm sooo incredibly blessed. No kid. =)
Now a really long rambling list---
This I'm thankful for;
- God/Jesus/Holy Spirit
- The Gospel
- praying (aka good conversation with God)
- the bible
- having good conversation with people
- the church (local and universal)
- talking late at night...even though I can't do it anymore. =P
- best friends
- reading books that make me think
- listening to sermons
- that Joey and Stephen aren't dead
- cooking spaghetti with Lauren
- Eating cookie dough with Kate
- hanging out with the Jakubisins
- helping Mrs George with weddings
- talking for hours with my mom and dad
- laughing at/with my sister
- fresh bread
- Ted Dekker
- life in general
- going outside when it's late and just thinking
- warm fires
- listening to music
- flip flops
- power points that annoy Justin. =P
- big orange moons
- cinnamon rolls
- hot water
- peaceful dreams
- starlit nights
- the color green
- sunrises and sunsets
- long rambling walks
- watching movies with friends
- playing frisbee
- listening to rain as you fall asleep
- mint chocolate chip
- hot chocolate
- day dreams
- apple cider
- air band
- my country
- bubble wrap
- my senses
- my i-pod and camera
- the mountains
- breaks from school
- bright sunny days
- Spending time with people. And really getting to know them.
I have sooo much to be thankful for. God is so good. So good.
I love you all so much and I hope you guys have an amazing Thanksgiving.
Thanks so much for being my friends guys. =)
Now playing: Skillet - Those Nights
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Really I do.
It's what I needed to hear.
A Dose of ConvictionBrian Colmery
Quick note as I take a break from studying through tomorrow's sermon: John (throughough 1 John) equates not loving with hatred, which is then equated to murder as per the Sermon on the Mount. Not trying to be a huge downer here, but, if you're stopping by and reading right now, I encourage you to take five minutes and think through who in your life you're not loving right now. Then realize that God sees the absence of active and abiding love as equal to hatred, which is equal to murder.
Crazy thought, that by tolerating someone instead of actively loving them you're really murdering them in your mind and heart.
How much of our life is so loving it can only be explained by a supernatural act of God? The Bible seems to say that all of our life ought to be that way, and imagine what the world (not to mention the people in our sphere of influence) would think if we all resolved to let the Spirit make us into that kind of Christian?
Which is to say, of course, the real kind...
Now playing: Bill Lucas - Everything Counts
Monday, November 19, 2007
I'll use terms like--fear of man, struggling with anger, being prideful. Biblical terms, yet to a point I think we've sterilized them in our heads. Or at least I know I have.
and I did not cover my iniquity;
Example-- praying things like "God, I'm really struggling right now with fear of man." sounds better to me than praying. "God, to be perfectly honest I'd gladly forsake You so that I can have people's approval."
"God I'm really struggling with anger towards this person right now." sounds a heck of alot better than "God, I really hate this person right now because of something they did."
Who am I kidding? God knows what I'm feeling. Why can't I just be completely honest with Him? Why can't I just open myself up completely? Why is it that I tell God the truth but then spin it to make myself look better? I'm filthy and dirty and He knows it. It's so stupid and completely pointless to try to hide it.
This is what I love about kids. They're open and honest. They wear feeling, emotions, sin; on their face.
As we get older I think we learn how to disguise our sin more. We learn how be "honest" yet spin it so it doesn't look "that" bad.
So here it is kids. This is who I am.
There are times I forsake the God who made me just so I can win people's favor. I disown the God that loved me so much. Do you get that? The one who took my sin--my very much deserved punishment and covered me with an ever reaching, expansive grace. What do I do in return? I spit in His face. He still loves me. And I'm perfectly clean in His sight.
I don't get grace...I don't get love.
a call to come and die.
By grace now I will come
And take this life, take Your life.
^^^^^ Amazing. A.m.a.z.i.n.g.
I love Brian Colmery.
Thursday, November 15, 2007
February 12 2006
Camden to his Mom...
"You know Mom, Ming is the responsible one.
But Ying is the FUN one!"
I told you Ming was the responsible one!
I like Ying because she is a bad girl and plays X-Box and Halo with us."
Wow coming from Camden that isn't a compliment. [about being responsible I mean. lol]
I'm not fun...
That was a while ago. Oh I laughed. lol
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
I haven't gotten my grade back for the lecture and I won't until tomorrow. But I'm determined not to fret about it. =)
So I studied like crazy this morning and afternoon before the practical, then took it. My teacher then let us out early that made me very happy.
Then! I walk outside and it is absolutely gorgeous out! I almost burst I was so pleased =P.
70's is beautiful.
My God is soooo good.
I love my family.
And my friends are stupendous.
You wish your friends went goose hunting. =P
Monday, November 12, 2007
Sunday, November 11, 2007
"If only I knew what to do with my life."
"If only I knew what God's calling was on my life."
When we use statements like that the underlying message is that if/when we figure it out the "If only..." we will find meaning, purpose, and satisfaction in it--whatever it may be.
I know, because sometimes I feel this way. Dozens of questions with run through my mind; If only I knew what God was going to do with my life. If only I knew if I was going to get married or be single. If only I knew if He'd called me to be a missionary. If only I knew what I should go to school for. If only I knew this. If only I knew that. And on and on. It's enough to drive a person mad.
AND THEN--it's so obnoxious when I come across those people who have known what they want to do since they were two. They couldn't imagine doing or pursuing anything else because they feel called to do it. They life or their plan for their life has a meaning and a purpose. Then there's indecisive me who just when she thinks she figured her life out--something comes up to ruin that facade.
Right now I could go and say that you should only find your satisfaction in God and that I shouldn't need to know my calling to be satisfied or have purpose. But I've been thinking about it...(imagine that.=P) And while thinking about it-- came to the conclusion that I do need to know my calling in order to be satisfied. Now before you start getting upset, let me explain (and I could be completely wrong so just bear with me.)
We do need to know what God has called us to in order to find satisfaction---but it's not a matter of finding the "perfect" career or even the "perfect" person. =P
We do need to know---but we don't have to figure it out, we already know.
We're called to love God with every fiber of our being. And love people in an unexplainable way because we love God. We are called to-- love with an unconditional love, have joy all the time, have peace in the midst of the most trying circumstances, patience when we don't feel like it, kindness in everything we do, goodness in a sin saturated world, faith when all the odds are against us, gentleness, and self-control.
We know this. This is what gives our life meaning and gives us purpose. So let's be satisfied, stop with the if only's, and just do it.
Saturday, November 10, 2007
I pondered life, love, and happiness. =P No, in all seriousness though-- I throughly enjoyed it.
As I walked along with my hands firmly planted in the pocket of my hoodie I alternated between staring at the asphalt beneath my feet to looking at the dark sky with scattered stars amidst wisps of clouds with no moon to be seen. About halfway through my ambling walk I came upon a can that had not yet been entirely emptied of it's contents.
I emptied it of it's yeasty fermented smelling liquid and I then found it highly enjoyable to kick it around for the last mile of my walk, while listening to something on Ecclesiastes. "There is nothing new under the sun."
Hmmm-- listening to that probably attributed largely for my introspective thinking...
(and people I still want you to answer my question)
Thursday, November 8, 2007
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
the greatest price was paid
You bled and died,
you were crushed that day
A perfect life you lived,
with mercy every breath
Obedient to death
embracing every blow
I've been set free
And your freedom
you spread out,
I nailed to the tree
Your wounds have rescued me,
Your scars have saved me
You thorns have taken me,
I am now free
You cross has kept me,
Your bruises blessed me
Your pain protected me,
I am now free
how beautiful it sounds
Forever and a day
I'll sing of your great!love!
The beauty of a humble king has given life to me
I'll never fully get it.
But I think I do in a small. small. way. And even that small way blows me away.
And I'm not just saying this either...Seriously...I'm not kidding.
Anyways last night I typed out about 12 pages of Biology notes. It was great fun let me tell you.
But my life is sooo good. I can't complain. =)
I get to spend eternity with God.
My name is written in that book.
Pffft yeah. I'd be insane to complain---about anything. =)
^^^I'm not just saying that either.
Now playing: Jim Elliston - Sacrifice
Now playing: Francis Chan - Grace, Grace, Grace
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
Talking about--Psalm 78
"And we often times have this thing where when we face temptation--we have these like youth group tricks, or stuff we read in the Bible or whatever acronyms or something that you use to face temptation. You sit there and you have that moment where you're deciding; I really want to be sinfully angry right now, I really want to lust right now, I really want to be greedy right now, I really want to be self-centered right now, you have that moment where you're deciding. And often times it's just like I'll guilt myself into not doing it or I'll try really hard or I'll just give up and go for it. There's all these different responses we can have. But one that I had never heard before I read this verse was-- thinking about how good God has been to you in the past. If you want to keep the commandments of God. If you want to have your hope in him. This guys said "Then make sure you sit at the feet of some people who've seen God work, make sure you think about all these stories of what God's done in other people lives and what God's done in your life. Just make sure you recognize how faithful God is." And all of a sudden it won't be a big issue to walk right past that stuff. Because you'll just sit there thinking "Man, no, I see God's got me on this track I mean he's got me going somewhere and I don't need this. I can just bypass this. Cause I see where we're headed and it's a good place" And you just keep walking."
Why is it soo easy to lose sight of how faithful God has been to me? Why is it so easy to get caught up in the here and now? Get sucked into and obsessed with my own issues that I forget how God has met me in everything in the past. His fingerprints, His footprints, His love--are all over my past...
So why wasn't I remembering that yesterday?
I feel so good when I remember...but then why is it so easy for me to be distracted.?
I'm going to keep walking. =) 'Cause my God's that amazing.
He's so faithful, so loving, so just...good. =)
I'm back to myself. =D I think. Whatever that entails or implies, I'm not exactly sure. =P
In other news...So I'm pretty psyched. I decided that I'm gonna post audio clips now along with my quotes... So now you guys are going to be bombarded with audio clips of things I find amazing. Forget me typing all the stuff out. =P Well never mind I probably will still type it out. Still! =P
Monday, November 5, 2007
I really don't like Mondays though.
But I do love God. Or am attempting too.
And I really am trying to love people as much as I love me.
I'm awful at it but I'm trying.
That said God's sooo good and I'm really really blessed. =)
My family is amazing and so are my friends =)
And I get to spend eternity with my God. That's pretty sweet.
7 Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. 8 Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. 9 In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him. 10 In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. 11 Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. 12 No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us.
13 By this we know that we abide in him and he in us, because he has given us of his Spirit. 14 And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent his Son to be the Savior of the world. 15 Whoever confesses that Jesus is the Son of God, God abides in him, and he in God. 16 So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him. 17 By this is love perfected with us, so that we may have confidence for the day of judgment, because as he is so also are we in this world. 18 There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. 19 We love because he first loved us. 20 If anyone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen. 21 And this commandment we have from him: whoever loves God must also love his brother.
I don't know what you get from this-- but love seems pretty important. And this isn't even a whole chapter...
Sunday, November 4, 2007
Sanctus Real has amazing music. lol
Yesterday was fun.
Saturday, November 3, 2007
It's so easy to say things. It's so easy to say some words-- type some words.
And it's something I've been thinking about today. It's something I'm really good at; spitting out words. Sometimes it's hard to get me started, but once I do get started it's just as hard to make me shut up. =P But when it comes down to it---words serve me. It's alot easier to say something than actually follow through with it.
And you know how sometimes you'll say something and you'll feel better just because you said it, but then you never actually get around to doing it it? This is something I do much to often.
Where as actions actually serve other people. Instead of just talking about stuff...isn't it a novel idea for me to actually do it? Instead of saying I'm going to study this weekend and making myself feel better-- isn't in a novel idea for me to actually stop just saying I'm going to study and actually just study?
It's not enough for me to just be convicted about things--it's not even enough for me to say I was convicted about something. It's not until that conviction actually invades and changes my life that it actually means anything. Just being convicted about something isn't enough. I need to follow through on those convictions.
It's not enough for me to be convicted that I need to love people more. It's not enough for me to sit here and tell you guys that I've been convicted more. It's not until I actually start loving people more that anything happens and I start serving others instead of myself...
I think to often we raise people up because of their convictions. "Oh that's great that God's convicting you!" Is it really? I mean I see where they are coming from; but is it a good thing that God's convicting them if they aren't going to respond to it? I don't know... This is just the sort of stuff that runs through my head while cleaning the kitchen and vacuuming. =P
So guys I really really need you to watch me and make sure I'm actually living this and not just spewing out a bunch of words.....And if I'm not I need you to tell me. Seriously.
Now playing: Sanctus Real - Alone