- Today helped my mother around the house.
- Went to the office.
- Did tons *well not literally but it was alot =P* of laundry
- My hair was being annoying today; I contemplated chopping it off...=P
- I have gotten the clapping part for that song down! kinda
- My life is pretty...interesting. I would go insane if I didn't have God =)
- I went running in the rain yesterday. It was nice but soooo humid out. I came in and I was pretty gross...
- I felt like a idiot yesterday at one point. lol I laugh at myself sometimes.
- If I'm ever in Los Angeles on a trip; I'm going to visit Shoreline *nod*. lol Yes, Justin you can laugh. Ying said she'd go with me...So ha! =P
- I love God. Seriously. I'm not just saying that.
- But what's more incredible is that he loves me =) I'm not very lovable but he loves me anyway =)
- Hmmm yes, I'm still not over it haha
- The Slumber of Christianty. You should read it (if you haven't already, but if you have it's worth re-reading) *nod*
- Frisbee was really lacking for me tonight...really lacking. And making plans to do something was very complicated...
- Lauren was being obnoxious. =P Yes, you were lol But I love you anyway =) =P
- Some people confuse me. =/
- I'm really tired.
- I don't know my own head.
- I should go emo. haha imagining myself emo makes me not emo cause it's just a funny thought. hahaha =P
- lol sorry guys I'll end on a happy note =D
- God is amazingg
- Green is a really awesome color-cool people like green =P
- And Brian Colmery's email made my day yesterday =P
- It's easy to make my day lol
- Night world.
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
The greatest day in history, Death is beaten
You have rescued me
Sing it out Jesus is alive
The empty cross, The empty grave
Life eternal You have won the day
Shout it out Jesus is alive
Oh happy day, happy day
You washed my sin away
Oh happy day, happy day
I'll never be the same
Forever I am changed
When I stand, in that place
Free at last, meeting face to face
I am Yours Jesus You are mine
Endless joy, perfect peace
Earthly pain finally will cease
Celebrate Jesus is alive
Haha, I like this song way to much.
Monday, July 30, 2007
^He emailed me back I was pretty psyched. lol One day Lauren if I ever go to L.A. I should drag you along and we will visit Shoreline because he told me to stop by if I'm ever in L.A. =P
I have it. I don't deserve it. I'm not worth it. But I have it.
I have that love. =) That makes me so incredibly happy.
I mean you have no idea. =)
Sunday, July 29, 2007
5 Walk in wisdom toward outsiders, making the best use of the time. 6 Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.Mr. Lechner's sermon today was so amazing; it was about reaching out the lost and such...The story about the gamers...made me laugh. lol
Because it's something that I know I could get way better at, but it's also something that I think I have sort of been getting better at. I still have sooo much room to grow in but it's been cool because I think that for about a year now God has helped me have a new perspective about people.
It's almost enough to drive me mad though sometimes...
Ok this is weird and I'm not just saying this as a sentimental sort of thing-but this last semester when I was at school the people killed me. Why? Because I cared about them.
Pretty much every Tuesday and Thursday anyone I passed or caught my eye- a girl with earrings all over her face smoking, the boy with a band shirt emo hair and sad eyes, the lady who when you looked at her you just wondered life had dished out for her, and the list goes on.
All of those people nearly drove me mad. Seriously as almost every time I passed someone I would think/say to myself, "I wonder what's going on in their life right now. What sorta life do they lead...Are they a Christian? If not I wonder if they ever will become saved...and if they are I wonder what circumstances God will use to drawn them to him...I wonder...." It would go on and on and on and on. I couldn't make my head be quiet. I would really try to not care, which is wrong I know but it was driving me nuts....I finally just got to the point where I was praying for every person that caught my eye....
Which I know is good I guess...but I almost wished sometimes that I could pray for them without really caring for them...because caring for them was driving me mad....I finally got the the point where I just have to trust God....
I think it was good for me, lol I know it was/still is good for me. I still get that way occasionally I go places (grocery store, restaurant, ect)...ok fine I get that way pretty much every time I go anywhere.... Just please don't think I'm really like wack. Even though I very well might be. =P Now anyone who reads this knows..lol
I never told anyone this because I guess I was worried that either;
1. they would think I was insane =P
2. they would think I was making it up because I was trying to look good or I don't even know...
I know, I know it all comes back to fear of man...I'm trying to kill it guys I really am. =\
**hahaha so I love how I started talking about the sermon and it went in a totally different direction...lol**
And I'm really sorry if this post made no sense at all it was really rambling...yeah...so sorry...
So yesterday at about 11 am Lauren and I decided to get together, cause Meagan was over so Ying was hanging out with her and I haven't gotten a chance to just hang out with Lauren in a while (but the main reason was because we just are amazing at last minute plans =P)
About one I picked her up at church then we hung out for a few hours then I dragged her back to my (sorta messy) house to spend the night. We talked for a while, then made dinner, ate dinner, watched a movie, made brownies, and talked. =) We talked til about 10 ish with Ying and Meagan until I kicked them out of my room because Lauren and I were reallyy tired.
But we talked for awhile afterwards about...hahaha wow stuff like planning where Meagan and Ying would sit. To Lauren's dre...nvm. =P
Then I don't know what time but we were both fast asleep, Ying and Meagan decided to be losers and try to wake us up or something. I wasn't exactly...uhhh kind? when I told them to go to bed...So yup. Then we got up and went to church. Mr. Lechner's sermon was amazing. a.m.a.z.i.n.g. I loved it.
For lunch we went with the Abe's and the Glacken's were there and we dragged Carter along =). Josh is pretty much cool and Carter really wants to see some actress...=P
Then later Sam, Thomas, Mark, and Tyler showed up, Thomas and Mark are pretty much fun to talk to especially about eyes =P *sorry Lauren but that was hilarious* and Lauren's drawing on the napkin was amazing; she passed the test with flying colors. =P Yep it was grand.
Lauren likes chocolate...
I don't even want to know...lol
Yeah, you don't have to ask I know I'm a dork =P
I don't know what Meagan is doing...
Friday, July 27, 2007
Do you ever get the feeling that someone just hates you or something...yeah.
- God's is love. (nod) =)
- Yesterday I was at the office allll day working with Ms. Seena. It was pretty grand. =P
- Then came Frisbee which was surprisingly pretty stellar- even with a ton of people there. (Lauren, I laughed at the whole big eyes thing. Cracked up. =P And yeah...nough said. =P And other stuff that will remain unsaid...)
- After the first game, Lauren and I went on a quick trip the the gas station to get slushies...and listened to The Best in Me over and over. I will get the clapping right. I will promise. =)
- Andrew Peterson is my new love. His music is amazing; the lyrics are incredible. All day I have been singing the chorus of Just as I am. =)
- This morning/afternoon I hung out with that amazing mother of mine running errands and such *also I wasn't even looking for one but I found a dress for next Saturday. =)*
- AND because my mother is so kind she let us stop by the Christian book store at the mall which pretty much made my day, nah forget the pretty much part. =)
- **If you know me at all then you know that I love to read...The only things I love more than it are God and people. =P Books are just amazing.
- I found an R.C. Sproul book for $5 and a small book by John Piper for $3. Plus a bunch of others....I was rather pleased. =D Yes, I find more books more fun to shop for then clothes or other stuff. lol And yes, I am a dork. =)
- Then this evening we are going to some people's houses for dinner
- Alright I'm going to go read Dreamer now. Cause it's that amazing. Lauren and Mrs. Brown were right about it, not that I ever doubted them =)
(I really tried to not put up the whole song but I couldn't cut anything out. lol)
What's that on the ground?
It's what's left of my heart
Somebody named Jesus broke it to pieces
And planted the shards
And they're coming up green,
And they're coming in bloom
I can hardly believe this is all coming true
Just as I am and just as I was
Just as I will be He loves me, He does
He showed me the day that
He shed His own blood
He loves me, oh He loves me, He does
All of my life I've held on to this fear
These thistles and vines ensnare and entwine
What flowers appeared
It's the fear that I'll fall one too many times
It's the fear that His love is no better than mine
(but He tells me that)
Well it's time now to harvest what little that grew
This man they call Jesus, who planted the seeds
Has come for the fruit
And the best that I've got isn't nearly enough
He's glad for the crop, but it's me that He loves
*I'm sorry if you don't like them but get ready for more because, The Chasing Song is probably next =P*
Thursday, July 26, 2007
When I was hanging out with my bff this morning- I was reading 1st Corinthians 13, for the simple reason that I love it. Yup and it's amazing so it worked.
Then as I was praying I was pretty much begging God to allow me to somehow-someway really show this kind of love. This is my life and soul ambition.
So yeah sorry about yesterday guys. haha Part of me didn't even want to post that I was tired and worn out; because I knew that I wouldn't feel like that for long. Don't ask me how I knew but I did. But I posted it for the sake of being honest and so that I don't look like some Christian kid who never struggles with being completely and totally happy with life. lol I never want to appear superficial...'cause yeah...
I also just needed to step back and take a deep breath.
What was really cool for me was to be able to go back and read stuff I had written about in January/February and ask myself again, "Do I really believe that? And am I willing to do it?"
Do I really honestly believe that God's love is enough? No, wait...way more than enough?
Do I really believe that no matter what He will work everything out for my good and His Glory?
Am I really willing to give him all. no, seriously all of me?
Am I really willing to do whatever He wants me to?
Hmmm yes =) So I'm pretty much stupendous now. Because I really believe that the answer to all of the above questions is "Yes." And I'm not just saying that either. It's not a pat answer. I mean it. I'm throwing it all out there or I'm going to try to.
And the fact is how can I be upset about things when I am in love? I mean truly, deeply, madly, utterly in love. Fact is, I can't. ;) I've got a God who's love will last forever (and he loves me) I just needed a second to remember that. =) Hmmm yes.
In dying we live and in living we die.
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
God is sooo good and I love him that much. =)
Although today I think I struggled more than I have in a while just worrying about stuff, contemplating the future, and just kinda being tired of stuff that's been going on...
(Lauren, you know that feeling when you just feel really tired. Not necessarily physically tired but yeah. I know you know what I mean...)
I'm just kinda tired and worn out guys...don't worry though I'll live. =)
haha so my dad is seeing this lady and she has two kids and they (along with my brothers) are running around the entire office screaming and laughing playing some game...lol oh I love the unconventionalness of my parents and the way the office is run. =P
I'm not as tired now =)
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
The fact of the matter is joy sometimes is a fight. Especially in the midst of things that make really no sense to me at all. There have been many times as of late, that I simply went and holed myself up somewhere dark and pretty much prayed for alot of things... My favorite is the garage in a car or something because my parents closet has lost the draw that it had 7-8 year ago. =P not that you needed to know that. =P There is something about being somewhere-where it is dead quiet and you know no one knows where you are. lol
The fact is sometimes I lose sight of the Love that has been given to me...I thank God that it has never been for very long lately but still....I hate losing sight of it.
The fact is that right at this moment in time; I'm just really tired. I'm just tired of fighting for joy and love. I'm tired of myself-my rationalizing head and my day dreamy self that never seem to agree on anything. I'm tired of debating myself...I'm tired of always being the mature and responsible person that people look up to because then when I mess up I feel like I let people down. I'm tired of the superficial Christians that are so prevalent in this culture. I'm so tired of worrying that I'm one of them. I'm tired of trying to sort through the things that I know vs the things that I think I know but I don't really know. I'm tired of sin. I'm tired of waiting. I'm tired of knowing that even though I'm tired of waiting it's going to be alot longer of a wait. I'm tired of just myself in general. I'm tired of talking myself out of things. I'm tired of always losing sight of the things that really matter. I'm tired and my brain still won't shut off....ahh this thing called life. =P
Ok I'm done complaining =P hahaha oh but that felt good.
I almost didn't say anything about this because I didn't want to seem depressed or anything because I assure you I'm not. =) Promise =). But for the sake of being real...here it is. I'm not depressed but just in this moment in time I'm worn out. What I really need to do is go and talk to the One whom loved and collapse in his arms arms now. Cause the world doesn't look as tiring and I don't feel as worn out from there.
Hmmm when I think of progress in my mind I think of independence; having to rely less on something. For instance-if you were to break your leg progress means you aren't relying on crutches as much, when a little kid makes progress in learning to walk they rely less on a person or object to hold them up, ect ect.
Which is true in most things, progress normally means that you rely less on certain things.
The problem is even when it comes to God I still have this mindset; that somehow as I grow, mature, and progress in my walk with him that I should have to rely less on Him. I have this mindset that as I grow, that somehow I can rid myself of my weaknesses- therefore I won't have to trouble God as much with my weakness I can depend on him less and on myself more.
But the opposite is true. The more I grow; the more I realize my need for God. The need has always been there but when I grow I simply see it more clearly.
Though the lovely thing about it is that God only uses what is weak to bring him glory. Which is a very good thing since we all are pretty pathetic. =) But yes, it's a glorious thing.
It's kind of the same thing with growing. When I think growing; I think growing up, of becoming an adult and such.
But with God it's backwards growing means becoming a child. Depending completely and fully on him. Trusting and putting all of yourself in him.
This is what I am striving towards, to become more dependent, rely more, and become a child. =) Oh such high and lofty goals.=)
Since when did my life become so un-normal? =P
Ever heard the term kicking a man when he's down? Well that's really what I felt like yesterday. haha ohhh dear. lol I honestly don't know how people do this life thing without God. I would have lost my sanity long long ago. =P
Don't worry it doesn't have to do with any of you that read this, it's something else *yeah something else*...lol yeah some of you know what I'm talking about.
- I'm really in love and clinging to my amazing rescuer =)
- I was encouraged
- I have decided that when people get it, I mean really get it. That makes my heart happy. When I say it I mean....well you people that have gotten it know what I am talking about. =)
- But sometimes I wish that circumstances...nvm.
- Did I mention I love Jesus? lol No, I can't get over it. =)
Saturday, July 21, 2007
I'm counting on that....
Ok so the timing of listening to this today could not have been more perfect. It was a God thing.
I have one of two choices in front of me right now
1. Have friends that I can be completely real with, myself with. Who know that I'm not perfect and that I have problems and issues but love me anyway. Yes, things will at times get messy; conflicts will arise. In fact being friends with people that are real actually might result in the suffering of my reputation. But these people know me. I can tell them anything....
2. I can act like a good little Christian kid and only hang out with other good little Christian kids. We won't ever be really real with each other because things get messy when you're real. But oh I'll have a good reputation. When people talk about me they won't find anything bad to say about me, why? Cause they don't know me.
Friday, July 20, 2007
Christmas. A duck. Yeah I didn't think she could beat that...buttt;
Oh. yeah. beat. that. =P *if you click it and make it bigger you'll see it even has a nametag...that has the name of...oh yeah you guessed it.
**Note: I always wanted to see what I would look like as a one eyes monster. =P
So last day of class...I was beaming.
Oh yeah I was happy. lol
Justin:Ming are you going to...Garret and Nathan...yeah.
Justin modeling and Garret
I don't even want to know. lol
Yeah, so Meagan came over too.
CM ice cream thing fun, fun. I enjoyed it. =)
Oh dear lol I look like a poser...
Lauren: "Being short is better guys." But yet she gets a chair =P You know I'm kidding Lauren =)
I have come the the conclusion. Life is never dull. And don't ever think it is or God will prove you wrong ;) There is always something. lol Oh if I didn't know that there was a God-I would go insane. Yes, I know this now. =P
Thursday, July 19, 2007
I love God.
How dare I be upset or worry about things, knowing that?
He loved me before, loves me now, and will love me after.
He pursued me,
died for me.
Ohhh I was broken again, I got it again, and I fell more in love with him again. =)
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
"I have these friends and they keep talking about *I admire their passion and I admire their intention* that, What we need is more action, less doctrine, more action. We need to actually live this out. People don't want to be preached at. *or "speeched" at as they like to call it.* They want to see people live it.
And that's true; but what your doing when you say that is you're divorcing them. Have we divorced that in our own head? Knowledge and action. Or have we understood that they are the same thing. That true knowledge predicates real action, you can't have one without the other. Otherwise they are cold and barren and not of God."
Friday, July 13, 2007
12 “This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. 13 Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends. 14 You are my friends if you do what I command you. 15 No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you. 16 You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit and that your fruit should abide, so that whatever you ask the Father in my name, he may give it to you. 17 These things I command you, so that you will love one another.
1 John 4:7-12
Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him. In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us.
I am soooooooooooooooooo glad to be home. You have no idea. I love my cousins and MN, but I missed home horribly.
When I walked in the door I was oh so supremely happy and satisfied with life and I'm not even kidding. lol
I can't imagine what heaven is going to feel like. < Not said in a funny way but seriously. It's going to be amazing. =)
We got home last night at about 3 am. We would have been home more around 11 pm but let me tell you traffic jams kill.
So yes, I apologize to all who enjoyed the break from me...but sadly I'm a selfish person so I honestly don't feel that bad for you in the light of how happy I am to be back. lol
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
I was such a dork/nerd/homeschooler. =P I mean I know I'm not a whole lot now...but wow. lol just wow...lol I'm dying to my pride not in a small amount...lol
Jon McLaughlin is amazing; I don't care what you think Justin. =P Industry is a great song, Once Again, The Way, and Blue Skies are good too. I love the piano in his songs.
Blake Mycoskie is a cool guy: Shoes for Tomorrow look it up. He sounds kinda like Sam though..it's odd. 0.oI can't wait to get home. I miss alot of you well...alot. =P I'm going to miss my cousins though. But I still want to come home. =PGod is amazing. =D =D =D =D =D =D Yup yup. lol
I kinda have a cold. I couldn't sleep last night because of a sinus headache. lol fun stuff. I listened to stuff, just laid there, and thought. Doesn't sound like me does it? =)I'm sorry I'm a jerk...
The End.PS. Next time guys we are going on vacation and leaving for a month =P
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
I am SAVED....How sweet is that?
I was rescued, pursued, and loved.
I was loved before I loved.
This is something I am never going to get over.
Over and over and over again I want to reminded.
I want to really dwell on this. I mean really dwell on it.
This defines me.
That I am loved.
I believe I have had a cold these last couple of days. Well...I don't believe, I know I have one. =P It is starting to get better now though, but it's been good having it.
*New train of thought*
Right next to my grandparents house there is this couple and I think they have 2 kids? Well anyways one morning I was sitting out on the front steps reading and they came charging out and proceeded to walk down the sidewalk shouting and screaming at each other. It hurt me to see that. So I prayed for them; this seems to be a normal regular occurrence, them yelling at each other-the kids. And I understand everyone has their own issues, but these people are loud. Seeing that made me just hurt for those kids to. Growing up that is going to be their idea of what adults do and act like. I thanked God for my parents then too, I mean not in a self-righteous "omg I'm so much better way" But in the sense of what's the thing keeping my parents from treating each other and me like that? Jesus. That's it. What's going to keep me from treating people like that. Jesus. That's it. And somehow that scares me, like I realize that Jesus is big and all but are you sure there isn't anything that I can do? Something that would make me feel better about myself? Something I can do to make myself feel safer? Something I can do, some book I can read, so that I make sure I never treat anyone like that....There's Jesus.
haha I'm sorry if that doesn't make any sense. I need to think about it some more.
Monday, July 9, 2007
That's why Jesus talks about a wide and narrow paths. See the narrow path isn't narrow because it's so hard to get through, it's narrow because you have to be that humble to get in. You have to check all your pride and your baggage at the door, you actually have to lose your own life to get in there, you have to let Jesus carry you like a little child. And he's the way."
I like it.
Sunday, July 8, 2007
Dinner was at 6 and the dancing and such started at 8 so we had some time so Ying Sarah and I ran out to get something at Wal-Mart. Then when we got back I sat on the couch out in the lobby with Nathan and Chris; Nathan taught me all the right words to "Can You See The Love Tonight" because he said that some girls were singing it wrong. It was great.
Then we went in for the dancing. I danced with Nathan and Chris. It was quite humorous.
I laughed when Tim asked Ying to dance it was just funny. lol
Then we did the Chicken dance and the Hokey Pokey. lol it was fun. I can't dance worth anything but it was still fun =)
Bring it. =P
Uncle Ron walking Christy down the aisle. =)
Awwww =) I love Christy =)
My great-great grandparents carriage and my grandparents driving it
The guys being amazing
First dance. =)
Melissa, I, and Christy
Sarah and Nathan lol
Tim Nathan and their cousin Craig in the middle.
My brother is amazing lol