Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Love, Never, Forget.

If I could just love people the way that Jesus loved them, love them the way that their Creator loves them. Do you know how much better off I would be? It wouldn't matter if they hated me, thought I was a loser, thought that I lost my sanity, if they considered me a friend, if they shunned me, if they only talked to me out of a sense of duty, if they were clickish, if they didn't like me, it wouldn't matter. If I could just love them.
I mean as the people who were screaming for His execution, even as the soldiers were literally driving the nails into his wrists, He cried "Father forgive them." Could I do that? If someone even does something trivial to me I get out of whack sometimes. How can I love everyone that much? You know and I was thinking about it, and for me I think it would be easier for me to be nailed to the cross and forgive the people killing me vs. forgiving someone for killing someone I love. I mean if someone was to kill my family or one of my friends, would I be able to forgive them? I mean seriously, could I? I pray that God would give me grace to, but still...If it were to really happen, what would I do.
But that's what God did for me. As He watched His ONLY SON die, He already knew He was forgiving me for it. I am just as guilty for His death as the person who nailed him there. I nailed him there...they were their sins just as much as they were my sins. It was for my atonement that He died... God loved me that much. How can I not love Him and show the same favor to others who will never ever cause me the pain that I caused the one who made me.?
It makes my head spin that God loved me that much, He loved me so much. He ached so much to have a relationship with me, with you. That He sent His son to die.
Never let me grow used to that, never let it become just another story, another "Christian" thing.
John 3:16 if you were ever in AWANA or anything else you know that verse, if you have been a Christian for any length of time you probably know that verse. I know I can spout it off without even thinking about it
John 3:16
“For God so loved the world,
that He gave His only Son,
that whoever believes in Him
should not perish but have eternal life."

How horrid for me not to think about it when I say it.
Think about it!
He loved, He gave, so that we could live with Him forever.
Let me never take that for granted.

Monday, February 26, 2007


Psalms 4:37
Delight yourself in the
Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.

You know when I was younger and first heard that verse it was like "YES!" "All I have to do is be happy with God and God will give me that net to go play in the creek with!!" And I think that maybe the mentality of alot of people, I could just be a very self-centered little girl, that could be it too.
So often I hear people throw that verse out as a promise for material things. But I was thinking about it *yes I like to think sue me =P*. Anyway so I was thinking and I came to the conclusion that if you are truly delighting in the Lord, then guess what your desires are going to be? You are going to desire to delight in Him even more, it's this wonderful vicious cycle! Delight in God, and He allows you to continue delighting in Him. hmmm sounds rather delightful doesn't it? ; )
You all have probably already thought about this though, I'm just slow like that =).

Sunday, February 25, 2007


“Grace is but glory begun, and glory is but grace perfected.”
Jonathan Edwards
Grace is such an amazing thing. I mean.... I don't just is. One of those things that can't be explained and if I tried I would pretty much butcher it.

Saturday, February 24, 2007

rambling random thoughts....

And I use to think my life was boring. haha really I did. Now I don't. =) As horrible as I feel about this crap going on with my dad, I guess I'm beginning to be thankful for it. It really has helped me step back and realize how much I have to be thankful for. I don't know if I have developed much character, but I would definitely I say that it has made me depend on God more, pray more, help me realize that I can't live another moment without Him, and not stress out about the little stuff. And in perspective everything is little compared to God. =D
I'm still working on it though. Like getting places late, something that drives me absolutely nuts. Lets just say I don't respond gracefully most of the times in those situations. Why don't I? Well I mean the obvious answer is "I'm sinful". I'm not interested in pat answers though. Longer drawn out version; it's because I don't want to have a reputation of being late, worry about what people think. Do you have any idea how stupid that is? That's such a stupid thing to get upset about. -_- I mean in light of forever am I going to be concerned about it? I mean honestly is anyone going to be worried about if I was late to some dinner in heaven? *sigh*
It's so hard sometimes, well alot of the time.
***new train of thought***
God soo good and I love Him sooo much, and I almost hate saying it because it sounds like such a Christian greeting card or something. How can I say this kinda stuff sincerely, I mean I am sincere but how can I come across as sincere to others? I love our religious freedom in America and I so thankful for it, but sometimes it's hard because it's so easy in such a hard way. Does that make sense?
I mean it's easy in the sense of if you share the gospel with someone no one *or at least most of the time* is going to shove a gun to your head and say if you deny Christ I'll give you your life, there's not threat of imprisonment, death. I mean there is a slight negative conatation that goes along with being a Christian, but compared to other countries it's nothing.
It's harder in the sense that you don't have a gun shoved to your head. Laying down your life for Jesus isn't as shall we say literal. So it's easier to fake it here.

How can I accurately portray Christ's love, well I know I can't perfectly but how can I even shadow it?
I don't have answers. But I'm falling for my Savior, so I know it will all work out. =)

Friday, February 23, 2007


Secret Ambition.

Young man
up on the hillside
Teaching new ways
Each word winning them over
Each heart a kindled flame
Old men watch from the outside
Guarding their prey
Threatened by the voice of the paragon
Leading their lambs away
Leading them far away

Nobody knew his secret ambition
Nobody knew his claim to fame

He broke the old rules steeped in tradition
He tore the holy veil away
Questioning those in powerful position
Running to those who called his name
(but) nobody knew his secret ambition
Was to give his life away

His rage shaking the temple
His word to the wise
His hand healing on the seventh day
His love wearing no disguise
Some say death to the radical
Hes way out of line

Some say praise be the miracle
God sends a blessed sign

A blessed sign for troubled times

no, no
no, no
I tell you nobody knew,
until he gave his life away

Sunday, February 18, 2007

Only One

Only One

I stand before You now my Saviour
Shouting Your praise
You've changed my world and made my heart sing
And everything I have
I lay it at Your feet

Everything is different now with You my God
You broke my chains of sin
You're always there to lift me when I fall You never let me go Lord I give You my all

Now that I've found You everything around me is changing
Nothing will be the same Now that You've saved me
I'll be the one to shout Your fame forever I'll be the one to sing Your praise
My Saviour

You are the strength inside of me
You are the light that let's me see
My only One

Saturday, February 17, 2007


Did you ever just want to get away from it all?
Escape to an open field and just talk to God?
Pour out your heart to Him?
Wouldn't that be lovely...
I'm doing that.
At some point.
As for right now I'm going to go climb a tree and do that.
Yes, I can still climb trees, kinda....

Friday, February 16, 2007

I love God.
He's seriously my bff guys. =)
I mean look;
He loves me more than anyone ever could,
He works everything for my good,
He talks to me and listens,
And ever so much more,
but most importantly
He sent His Son to die for me so I could have a relationship with Him.
Even though I hated him with every fiber of my being.
He loved me and wanted a relationship with me that much.
I mean that's Love.
In its most perfect form ever.
And I'm worried about guys?
Well actually I'm not right now. lol

2 Cornithians 4

4:1 Therefore, having this ministry by the mercy of God, we do not lose heart.
2 But we have renounced disgraceful, underhanded ways. We refuse to practice cunning or to tamper with God's word, but by the open statement of the truth we would commend ourselves to everyone's conscience in the sight of God.
3 And even if our gospel is veiled, it is veiled only to those who are perishing.
4 In their case the god of this world has blinded the minds of the unbelievers, to keep them from seeing the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God.
5 For what we proclaim is not ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, with ourselves as your servants for Jesus' sake.
6 For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,” has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ.
7 But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us.
8 We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair;
9 persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed;
10 always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies.
11 For we who live are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh.
12 So death is at work in us, but life in you.
13 Since we have the same spirit of faith according to what has been written, “I believed, and so I spoke,” we also believe, and so we also speak,
14 knowing that he who raised the Lord Jesus will raise us also with Jesus and bring us with you into his presence.
15 For it is all for your sake, so that as grace extends to more and more people it may increase thanksgiving, to the glory of God.
16 So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day.
17 For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison,
18 as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.


Self explanatory.

Love Me?
He does?
He loves me guys!
And I love Him too!
He sent His son to die,
Even though I opposed Him in every way shape and form
He pursued me. =D
Into marvelous light I'm running,
Out of darkness, out of shame.
Would I believe you when you would say
Your hand will guide my every way
Will I receive the words You say

Every moment of every day
Well I will walk by faith
Even when I cannot see it
Well because this broken road
Prepares Your will for me
Help me to win my endless fears
You've been so faithful for all my years
With the one breath You make me
Your grace covers all I do
yeah, yeah , yeah, yeah, ya
Well I'm broken- but I still see Your face
Well You've spoken- pouring Your words of grace
Well hallelujah, hallelujah
(I will walk by faith)
Well hallelujah, hallelujah
(I will walk by faith)
I will walk, I will walk, I will walk by faith
I will, I will, I will walk by faith.
Will I walk by faith?
When the bend in the road appears will I freak?
Or will I have faith?
There's a bend in the road,
Is my life an example to others in it?
What am I going to do with myself.
There's a set of footprints in the sand that go ahead of me.
Who's are they?
Will we ever meet?

Wednesday, February 14, 2007


haha, ok I'm done.
The end.

Saturday, February 10, 2007

Letting Go

I think I'm on the brink of something large
Maybe like the breaking of a dawn
Or maybe like a match being lit
Or the sinking of a ship
Letting go gives a better grip

I'm finding everything I'll ever need
By giving up gaining everything
Falling for You for eternity
Right here at Your feet
Where I wanna be
I am Yours.
Think about that, really think about it.
Letting go gives a better grip?
What the?
Letting go of what?
Oh it seems like everything but in contrast of what I'm getting,
Family, Friends, Material things, Desires, Wishes, Security, Safety?
Eternity with my Creator God?
Uhhh I wonder which is better.
My God is pretty much the bomb.
By giving up gaining everything
I'm giving up.
Falling for You for eternity
I'm falling for Him.
He's so my boyfriend =)
And He's coming for me one day =D
Why do I care about anything else?
I just need to let it all go.

Forever and ever and ever and ever
And ever and ever and ever and ever...
What am I here for?
What will my life look life?
What will my character be at the end of it?
What do people think of me know?
What would people say about me if I were to die tomorrow?
What if I died tomorrow?
What kind of witness would I have been?
What if people couldn't see God at all in my life?

Would I have displayed His love even in a small way?
What can I do today to do that?

I am here to love, worship, and find joy in God.
That's not for me to know.
God only knows.
I shouldn't worry about it.
If they said one thing I hope it would be that I loved God.
Then I would die =).
I should worry about what kind of witness I am now.
That would be horrid, so I should strive for it more right now.
I can only hope.

Friday, February 9, 2007


Oh Joy, I'm learning about Joy. lol
Joy Second fruit of the spirit, comes only after love.
Yet it's something that I don't think I pursue enough.
When I think of joy it's like after I win a game, or pretty much when life is going good.
But it's when life isn't going great and I am still joyful that I can find true joy.
I know I have written about both of these verses before but hey it's the bible, learn something new everyday! =P
James 1:2-4 2 Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, 3 for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. 4 And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.
If I were to ask you if you wanted to be a strong Christian, I'm sure that the vast majority of you would say yes.
I mean who wants to be weak?
But if I were to ask you if you wanted trials, I'm pretty sure no one would want them. I mean who wants trouble?
But you can't have them both.
Trials bring strength.
It's like wanting to be a Olympic ice skater without ever touching the ice. It's impossible. You may even be a natural but you aren't going to be at that level without some experience.
Honestly if God were to give you these two choices
1. For the next 5 years you won't have any trouble.
You'll be well off financially,
No one you love will die,
All of your relationships will go well,
None of your friends will talk behind your back,
2. Life is going to be tough for the next 5 years,
You'll barely be able to make ends meet,
People you love will die,
Relationships will take work,
but at the end of the 2nd choice you will be soo much closer to God.
Which would you chose?
I mean honestly! I mean it's so easy for me to look at them and say oh choice 2 ofcourse! but would I really??
I mean it's SO easy for me to say that I want to grow closer to God and I want to become a stronger Christian.
But if it takes trials would I chose them?
Words mean nothing.
It's the actions behind them that make them worth something.

Philippians 4:4
4 Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice.
To often I think of joy as something that God should hand to me as a gift or something.
But it's something I have to pursue.
Its a daily, hourly, minute by minute, and even second by second choice.
It's putting away my anger, annoyance, selfishness, worry and the list goes on.
I love to have a plan, and I love things to go even somewhat as it was planned.
But in my family, plans change. alot. lol
And for me it's really hard to always have joy when things don't go as planned.
To always have joy.
I was watching this show last night about these kids who are sold by their parents for $20 to be slaves.
They rescued about 21 of them and you could have lit a room with their smiles.
And I get upset because we don't leave on time?
I take everything for granted.

So ends my rambling post.

Wednesday, February 7, 2007


I learned something about prayer today.
I mean it's nothing new, but it helped me to look at it from a new perspective.
While in the Garden of Gethsemane Jesus asked His Father to remove the cup that was to be His.
He begged God so hard that he sweat blood.
Then He said, But let your will be done.
It was a perfect balance between asking and accepting.
To often I do one and not the other; I'll just ask God for something but not submit myself to Him completely, or on the flip side (and I fine myself doing this more often lately) I just say "God do whatever you want I don't care you know best just do it."
And I never really thought it was bad, but it is.
God is our Father.
He wants us to tell him our hearts desires; but then ultimately trust Him completely with our desires.

~New train of thought~

Also when He prayed it was so into it.
I mean it wasn't just a half hearted;
"Dear God, I'd like blahblahblah...*daydream* oh wait I was praying wasn't I."
Jesus was focusing all of His energy on it.
There's a term some prayers don't clear the ceiling.
You know how many of my prayer don't clear the ceiling because I'm not totally focused on God? Probably many of them.
When I talk to my friend I don't (well most of the time I don't) day dream.
I focus on them, what they are saying to me, and what I'm saying to them.
Why is it then when I talk to my Creator I can't seem to focus on just Him?
What He's saying to me and what I'm saying to Him?
My mind wanders to the test I have the next day.
The fact that my dad is being charged with something he never did.
The fact that my brothers can't seem to keep their toys out of my room.
Does anyone like me or are they just being nice?
Why can't I focus?
I have to pray to be able to focus on praying.
haha, that struck me as funny.

My God=Amazingness.

Monday, February 5, 2007

Into the Light, come with me!

I once was fatherless,
a stranger with no hope;
Your kindness wakened me,
Awakened me, from my sleep

Your love it beckons deeply,
a call to come and die.
By grace now I will come
And take this life, take your life.

Sin has lost it's power,
death has lost it's sting.
From the grave you've risen

Into marvelous light I'm running,
Out of darkness, out of shame.
By the cross you are the truth,
You are the life, you are the way

My dead heart now is beating,
My deepest stains now clean.
Your breath fills up my lungs.
Now I'm free. now I'm free!

Lift my hands and spin around,
See the light that i have found.
Oh the marvelous light
Marvelous light

Lift my hands and spin
See the light within...
How often do I not pursue the light like I should?
Pretty much always
Even if I don't turn my back completely turn away from it,
But subtly (or not so subtly) start slowing my passionate run towards the Light,
into a normal run, to a jog, to a walk, and sometimes stopping completely
True I'm pretty much always pursuing the Light at least in some sort.
But am I giving Him my all?
I so often get pulled into the shadows.
How can I lay down everything and just run?
How can I stop being distracted by the crap at the side of the road?
How can I run away from it like I should?
There's always something I deem important;
Material things.
How can they can compare to the Light?
Truth is they can't.
But on my own I can't see that.
It's not until I pour out myself completely.
Give my all to God,
And then beg Him to help me to see Him how He really is.
How desirable He is.
That is the only way that I can give all the rest up completely.
If I don't understand how much better God is
I'll never pursue Him as much as I should,
and I'll never give up the other stuff completely.
Thank you God.

My God

My God,
is so


and so

There's NOTHING that He can't do!

Yes, I'm a dork and I know it.

Saturday, February 3, 2007


Through you the blind will see
Through you the mute will sing
Through you the dead will rise
Through you all hearts will praise
Through you the darkness flees
Through you my heart screams
I am free


Through you the kingdom comes
Through you the battle's won
Through you the price is paid
Through you I'm not afraid
Through you there's victory
Because of you my soul sings
I am free


Thursday, February 1, 2007

Escapeing Myself...

Other than Satan, I have come to the conclusion that I am my worst enemy.
Sometimes it seems like I just can't find the way out of myself.
My selfishness, pride, fearfulness, deceitfulness, ect.
Sometimes it just eats at me.
I run away from myself, but I always catch up.
I try so hard not to do things but I still end up doing them.
I get frustrated and mad at myself.
Then I remember that's what I am.
I'm not perfect.
If I was then Jesus wouldn't have needed to come.
I need to die to myself, and fully embrace him.
It's only through him that I can get rid of my sin.
My sin is horrible sickening.
But when held up to the love of God, it become a beautiful thing, a great thing even.
Because my sin becomes a pathway to having intimacy with God.
Something so wretched is the road to something immeasurably beautiful.
I stand in awe.