Friday, February 29, 2008

29th? lol

Today doesn't happen doesn't even happen every year...literally. =P

Hmm I wonder what will happen by the next leap year. Last time I was 13 ready to turn 14. Wow, that seems like along time ago.

lol! So I went back and looked in my journals and back in 2004 I was pretty obsessed with wanting to go to Savannah that summer with the Schultz's and just in general hanging out with them. lol Wow...was that really 4 years ago? In one sense it seems like ages ago and in another sense it doesn't seem like that long ago... I was such a dork, you think I'm bad now--you should have seen me then. =P Things have changed a lot--I can't remember when the last time I talked to any of the Schultz kids [excluding Sterling. =P]... Wow, good times. lol

Am I really 17? Maybe this is a dream and soon I'll wake up to find I'm still the dorky 13 year old homeschooler with braces, glasses, and hair half way down my back. I'll wake up and find that my biggest worries are how soon my best friend is going to move back from South

I laugh at myself sometimes. lol

Thursday, February 28, 2008

This pictures reminds me of Pride and could be just me though. lol

God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: it is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world.
C.S. Lewis

I love C.S Lewis. Whispers are definitely more pleasant but sadly the whispers have a tendency to lull me into a passiveness, which then calls for some shouts so that I can be awakened...

I'm gonna read Til We have Faces again, just because it's that good.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

The Giver

My parents went out this afternoon/early evening to run various errands. They stopped at the library and picked up a book that I had put on hold called The Giver by Lois Lowry. I didn't really have anything else to do this evening so after dinner I read. It was really good.

Kind of ominous, disconcerting, and chilling--but good nonetheless. [Yeah, I finished it in like an hour and half...]

It's a science fiction book that is about this village in the future. At first glance seems like an ideal society. There's no poverty, strife, prejudice, or violence. But this world has paid a bitter price for it's "utopia". In turn for not having to experience sadness, violence, or any deep negative emotion they have sacrificed their ability to feel deep love, appreciate real beauty, and real joy.

The book chronicles the experiences of a 12 year old boy named Jonas who is chosen to be The Receiver. The receiver has the honor of holding all the memories of the history of the world. The pleasure of deep feelings as well as the pain...

Anyways I won't bore you anymore with the book, but I'll bore you now with my thoughts on it. =P

As I finished the book and closed it; I began to think. How awful would it be to live in a world like that even if you didn't know any better. A world without color, beauty, joy, love... Even if you never experienced pain or suffering it wouldn't be worth it. A world where everyone is basically the same with no diversity. *cringe*

Even if there was a way for me to avoid all pain and suffering in my life, I want to have nothing to do with it. It makes Besides how much more do I appreciate the beautiful things in life because of it?

Then I began to think--how kind was it of God to give us feelings. To give us the ability to have deep feelings that sometimes words can't even explain. Think about it, not only did he give us feelings but He built them. From the ground up-- from nothing. How amazing is that?

Monday, February 25, 2008


I'm such a strange girl.

I won't post depressing looking pictures that I like when I'm happy because I don't want people to think I'm emo or sad.
But then when I am...not happy then I don't want to post them because I don't want to be stereotypical....Ahhh.
I really don't understand how my friends put up with me and my head when I can barely put up with myself.
"why can't life be perfect"
That is the question isn't it?
I mean I know it's cause of sin.
But I'm not asking it to be answered.
It's a rhetorical question...
I guess?

Sunday, February 24, 2008

Isn't that pretty? I thought so...

Saturday, February 23, 2008


God loves you. Selah. Dwell on that.

No, seriously. Dwell on it.

Being uprooted is never fun guys.


But it's good for you.

Always good.

Being pruned is never fun either guys.

But it's so incredibly good for me.

So good.

Beauty in the Broken.


[how's that for cryptic. =P]

Thursday, February 21, 2008

musings and rain...

Finally! The week hasn't ended yet, but nonetheless I feel relieved. I've known for a while that this week was going to be long because I had a writing assignment due on Monday, a presentation to do on Tuesday plus a quiz thing, a practical in lab on Wednesday, and a test in lecture today.

Then it got worse.

Monday morning I woke up with my sinuses all stopped up--and a throat so tight and sore it was hard to talk. I just laid in bed and prayed for like 20 mins, pretty much just telling God that there was no way that I could do anything apart from Him [much less this next week]. Also thanking Him for making me sick because it reminded me of how dependent I am on Him, and it also reminded me of how much I'm not in control of my own life. =P It was a good reminder.

Monday went alright, Tuesday came and I still felt awful and sounded terrible too. =P We didn't end up having to do the presentation because of technical difficulties, and my team won the game quiz thing, yay!

Wednesday came and I don't think I failed the practical--and the practical I did last week that I thought I did horrible on---I didn't do horrible on it. =) That made me happy. I didn't get a ton of studying done Wednesday afternoon done but it was ok. =P But I guess we'll just have to see how I did on the test today...

Hmmm yes. Recap of my week. I really don't have anything profound or thrilling to say...

Cept... My God is so amazing. It's incredible how much He's given me and even more incredible is how much I take it all for granted....

Even something like rain...I'm going to try to never complain about rain again...

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

wings like eagles

Isaiah 40
28 Have you not known? Have you not heard?
The Lord is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He does not faint or grow weary;
his understanding is unsearchable.
29 He gives power to the faint,
and to him who has no might he increases strength.
30 Even youths shall faint and be weary,
and young men shall fall exhausted;
31 but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength;
they shall mount up with wings like eagles;
they shall run and not be weary;
they shall walk and not faint.
That makes me happy. =)

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

5+5=10 oh yes.

I don't normally do these things but I'm bored and am trying to procrastinate on studying for my biology test, and I"m sick so I'm going to do it. Anna was nice enough to tag me =)

Five places I want to see and five places I want to see again.

I'd like to see:
  1. Heaven, and I'm not just saying that either. It's going to be amazinggg. =)
  2. Africa
  3. India
  4. California (2 places in particular) =P if you know why, then you know me. If you know the 2 places in particular then well, you know me really well. =P lol (if you think you know leave a comment I just want to see if anyone can get it right =P)
  5. Ummm Europe

I want to see again:
  1. Atlanta! (I don't normally like Atlanta--but April 11 and 12th. Oh yes. ;))
  2. Niagara Falls
  3. Minnesota
  4. England
  5. Hong-Kong
Now, keep in mind that as with anywhere I am, it's not where I am as much as who I'm with. Yes, I know--I'm strange. =P

Monday, February 18, 2008


I sound like a frog. I feel fine [accept my throat hurts a little] but I sound like a frog nonetheless.
How amazing is a laugh? No, think about how amazingly kind it was of God to give us a sense of humor and the ability to laugh. He didn't just create the sound of laugher, he created the entirety of it.

From nothing God created us. I'm not just talking physically either. He created the things about you that make you, well, you. I know, I know-- that sounds really cliche but I mean if you really think about it, it's an awesome thought. The way you feel when you get a good test grade back, the joy you feel when you have helped someone, the righteous anger you feel when you see a child starving, the peace you feel about a situation, the love you feel, and it goes on and on. All of that was created by God. 0.o I can't get my head around it.

Friday, February 15, 2008

There's not much to say...

Except reading old stuff that you wrote 2 years ago, while a friend reads stuff too is pretty hilarious. Wow, I was so...I don't even know the word. lol

Romans is amazing. I need to internalize this.
Romans 8
31 What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? 32 He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? 33 Who shall bring any charge against God's elect? It is God who justifies. 34 Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died€"more than that, who was raised€"who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us. 35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? 36 As it is written, For your sake we are being killed all the day long;
we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered. €37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38 For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, 39 nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Monday, February 11, 2008


Heyyy guys, it's Ming [and Ron].
Adrianna went to bed and we're just hanging out. lol I [Ming] was planning on studying tonight...and didn't happen.

Yeah. Didn't happen at all. =P

Between Adrianna and two energetic puppies, it's practically impossible to do anything but play. lol Oh and Ron wanted me to say the only thing cuter than Adrianna and the puppies--- is him. But I think that fact is debatable. =P

She really likes Dora and Diego; I look drugged. lol

Puppies =)

Mrs. George is right--she's got personality plus. =P

She's an amazing photographer. lol

Yeah, she's my friend. =)

Yeah we had an amazing time.


AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Ok, so I'm happy. Really, really happy. Won't you be happy too?

3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, 4 to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you, 5 who by God's power are being guarded through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. 6 In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, 7 so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ. 8 Though you have not seen him, you love him. Though you do not now see him, you believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory, 9 obtaining the outcome of your faith, the salvation of your souls.
Does that not just make your heart happy?!

I'm a child of God. Secure forever. God saved me and He has what's best for me in mind. Seriously! How silly it is to question what He does?! Wow, I'm rediculous. He's in it for His glory and my good. I'm banking on it.

Now playing: Todd Nighswonger - The Grace of Pain
^^^^^ is amazing. no, seriously. please please listen to it. it's that good. please.

Make a wish

Find a dandelion

Sunday, February 10, 2008

Sunday. =)

I'm tired.

Capture the flag is fun, even if your team loses

Adrianna is adorable.

And it was my last CM class.

I had fun in the car even with Ying and Justin trying to aggravate me. =P


Oh, yes and Lauren is awesome.

And there are interesting things in the Bible....(a couple of you know what I'm talking about =P)

Friday, February 8, 2008


"Lol have you ever thought that like... once you get to or past a certain time in your life it will all be ok?"

Yesterday someone asked me that question [well they were more specific =P], and I was thinking about it. There's times that the thought has crossed my mind. But really, that's not true. No matter what my life will always have issues. Things that seem like insurmountable problems now, by the time I'm 27 will seem silly. Now it doesn't seem like it right now. But it's true. It's just when problems and decision to make are up in my face it's easy to think that it can only be better later. =P It's easy to think that once I get past this really hard test that life will be amazing, it's easy to think that once I figure out what I want to do with my life that life will be smooth sailing, it's easy to think that it's the end of the world if someone is mad at you.

Guys, my "problems" now are so small. Why can't I just see that?

It's funny though--no matter how young you are, no matter how simplistic your problems, you always think that they are massive problems. Haha, I may wish that I was 10 again sometimes. But when I was 10 the problems I had seemed massive to me. Now I laugh about how seriously and how upset I would get over them. But at the at the time they were like huge! Not going over to the Schultz's was such a devastating thing very worthy of tears! lol

Stuff like that is silly to get upset about and stuff that I get upset about now, in 10 years, I'll laugh at myself. But when stuff is right up in your face it's hard not to think that once you get to a point in your life that it will just be sunshine and roses. =P


haha I found this picture on my dad's computer and it made me smile =)
I love my siblings.
Sterling last night. hahaha wow. lol

Thursday, February 7, 2008

I need

I need words
As wide as sky
I need language large as
This longing inside
And I need a voice
Bigger than mine
And I need a song to sing You
That I've yet to find
I need You,
Oh, I need You
I need You,
Oh, I need You
To be here now

Sterling called me. lol I love that kid, he just makes me laugh.

Wednesday, February 6, 2008


My lab teacher let us out 1 1/2 hours early. It's pretty much is amazing...although now I don't have anything to do until 3...hmmm. You know, I hate winter rain, but if it were to rain today it wouldn't make me to upset because it's so nice and warm out.

Oh, life people. life. It moves so fast, yet so slow. How on earth does that work?

In other news....

um. never mind there really isn't any other news. Except that my grandparents and aunt and uncle are in town. yay! There are no cousins with them though =(...

Tuesday, February 5, 2008


You know wearing shorts a t-shirt and flip-flops just make it feel spring/summerish and it makes me happy. For all of you people that like winter, I'm terribly sorry but I'll be glad when it's done and over.

So I was going to Hannah's game tonight; but it was canceled so I'm here at home, just basking in the feeling that I get when it feels like spring.

One of the blogs that I read got me thinking about the things that I'm passionate about--when I think of people being passionate, I think of the things that people love so much and they make it so clear that they love them-- that you simply can't separate them from each other. Examples: Lauren and the color red. Justin and his hair. Tyler and his cars. Sam and his guitar. Ying and her screamo music. And the list goes on. Then I was thinking about it, what is it that I'm so passionate about that it simply can't be separated from me. What in my life is so entwined with who I am that you simply can't think of it without thinking of me? Or at least my good friends can't.... Hmmm. What do you think defines me? What am I passionate about?

Anyways, as my thoughts wove their way through my head I began thinking about how amazing it is that God is passionate about me. How crazy is it that he loves me and it's not just a passive, shallow love-- no, it's a deep, obsessive, passionate love. He didn't spare any effort when he pursued and rescued me. He held nothing back and loved me with a consuming never-ending never-changing love. He sent is Son to die...for me. Yeah, that's love.


Psalm 34:6
In my desperation I prayed, and the LORD listened; he saved me from all my troubles.

That's a pretty sweet verse.

Ephesians 3:14-19
For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named, that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith—that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.

And that is just amazingggg.

"Even the people in here who say, "Yeah, I just love God so much." Even those people here, you need to love Him so much more. That's what the Bible says I mean in Ephesians Paul says in this one verse in chapter 3, he says that, "he prays to God that even the mature believers in this church in Emphasis may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God." He says, "Look there's just so much about God to love, that it will never end."
Brian Colmery

I want to know the breadth and length and height and depth of God's love. I want to know it.

When you are rooted in the love of God; it's really hard not to be happy. Then when Shoreline updates on Monday it just makes me happier. Thennn when the title of it is "How to Actually Love God" it makes me even more happy. Listening to it on the way to school just makes me happier. And I get to see DCB and Francis Chan in April.

And!!!!! I didn't completely fail on my first biology test like I thought I may have...=P

I want to know God. I want to know his love... Hmmmm. yes. I do.


I'm so excited.
Yes, I'm a dork. lol
[Lauren, you and others are probably going to be so sick of me by the time that weekend's done =P]

Monday, February 4, 2008

Ramblingness of me and my head. Yes, you probably should be scared. =P

Life is amazing...well...on a whole it is. Right now it's kind of annoying and I don't understand it. At all.

My mind is questioning and fighting itself. Debating. Arguing. My thoughts are rarely sitting still and allowing me to think them over calmly and rational, instead they decide to all rush forward to the front of my head, pushing and shoving-- imploring, pleading, and begging trying to draw my attention in a hundred different directions; all at the same time. It had been like this for the past week. Last night it stopped. I was so thankful. Finally.

It's times like those that I find it really hard to focus on God. I mean the sorta focus where I go and sit at his feet in total adoration just allowing my mind to be filled completely with Him and Him alone. That sort of devotion is hard.

You know though what's kind of funny though? [not funny "haha" but funny ironic] What's funny, is that I find it really hard to focus completely on God...even when my life is going really great too. I mean I'm thankful to Him, but I don't think I'm focused on Him. When life is going good, my head is distracted by situations that are going good. And you know what's really funny? Is that when my head is like it is right now--I think I go to God more vs. when the good time are "rolling".

I think it's because in the good times I am attempting to find my joy in those times or situations. And the problem is that when things are going good, I feel like I've succeeded! I've found joy! Maybe not joy eternal and everlasting that I'm really longing for; but a type of joy nonetheless! I know in my head that I need God to find joy---but those things are filling my heart and mind and I don't feel like I need God as much. But when those things are stripped away, I come to the realization--I need God. I always need God. Always, 24/7 for all my days, for the rest of my life. But in the good times I don't see as clearly as when things are hard. When times are hard, then the truth is exposed. The stark glaring truth-- I need God.

This is just me being really honest. I'm sorry that I'm not perfect and am such a fickle minded girl with thoughts that go in a million different directions. I'm sorry that I struggle with this and if you think less of me fine. Go right ahead. lol I'm not here to impress anyone and I'm not going to try to hide stuff just to look better. Because it's pointless.

You know thinking all of this through---it makes me so thankful for the hard times. Don't get me wrong I love the good times and I enjoy them when they come and I praise God for them. They refresh me. But in the hard times--I'll still praise Him. I'll praise him for using them help me refocus on Him, for using them to draw me to Himself, for a fresh awareness how much I need Him. I want to be close to Him above everything else. I need nothing else. Got that? Nothing. Isn't that scary?


Switching gears for a second. I still can't get over the fact that I'm going to be 18.! I can vote! Legally I'll be an adult [though I'm far from being mature enough to be one] Seriously, that's so scary.

There are days I would give anything to go back to being 10 or 12. Even if I was the biggest homeschool dork there ever was. =P I was talking about it with someone and I can't like get it out of my head. I was never a girly girl but I was never a tom boy either. I was in between. How I managed to do that I'm not sure. lol

I mean, like no one who reads this is going to relate and remember this accept maybe Justin. Because I didn't know any of you back in the day. =P lol
But I miss being a kid... running around and playing capture the flag in the woods with the Schultz's, playing in the creek in summer and freaking out when we thought there was a snake and catching crayfish and salamanders, playing in the pool, four wheeler rides, sucking at play station [=P], sleepovers-- staying up till all hours talking about nothing really because we didn't really have problems to talk about =P, building bunkers in the woods and having fires on the cement basketball area throwing all sorts of junk into them lol, playing hide and go seek [in one room]---and being short and small enough to fit anywhere. I miss talking to Ying for hours about what an awesome day we had just playing and how amazing we both thought the Schultz's were. I miss when the things that had me worried were if I could get my school done in time to go over and play with Corey, Krystalynne, and Kyle or so I could finish my book from the library. =P

Simpler times, I miss them. [lol, I sound like I'm really old when I say that, I don't sound like the silly 17 year old girl that I am. =P]

Gosh, honestly, how can you people like and be friends with such a dork like me? I'll never understand. But thanks for putting up with me regardless. =)

God I want to...

And I've lost my mind, I'm sure to find
Need to apologize for my
Lack of inhibition, for my belligerent condition
But with You this near I'm dizzy

And now I find a blurry line
Here between you and I
Raise the cup, drink 'til I'm full
Sing 'til I can't, 'til my voice is gone
And my head is spinning
God, I want to love. Help me with my lack of love.
God, I want to have joy. Help me with my lack of joy.
God, I want to desire you more than anything. Help me remove all that competes.
God, I want to be selfless. Help me with my selfishness.
God, I want to have faith. Help me with my unfaithfulness.
God, I want to have security. Help me to find it in you.
God, I want to do your will. Help me fight mine.
God, I want to draw near to you. Help me remove the things and thoughts that are inhibiting that.
God, I want to see you in everything. Give me new eyes.

God, I want to....

God, I want to believe. Help me with my unbelief.

I have nothing else to say at the moment.

Except that God is good.
No. matter. what.
Do you believe that?
I mean really?
I'm just asking.
Because....sometimes I'm not sure.
But He is.
I promise.

Sunday, February 3, 2008


I'm registered. ha. yes. =)
This makes the day better.
Lauren.....I'm so psyched.

Saturday, February 2, 2008

Random and I'm still psyched. lol

I'd like to apologize for the uninterestingness [yes, I know that's not a word] of my blog as of late. Or the lack of my own thoughts here. Mind you, it's not that I haven't been thinking--it's just stuff that's in my head right now would probably scare you all. So, I've been sticking with rambling my thoughts to my close friends---that have seen how weird I can be but still are friends with me. lol

My hair is shorter now. Not drastically shorter though cause that's just not how I roll. :P

God's goooood. Mhm. Yup, that's right.
Heck. Yes. :)
Ahhhhh. lol I'm so excited.!
[If you couldn't tell. =P]

I can't get over how much He loves me. How could He love me?
I've done nothing to deserve.
Yet He drew me to Himself.
Crazy about Him? Yes, I am.
How could I not be about my Creator?

Friday, February 1, 2008

Perfect timing

So, I have nothing of importance that I can say here.
Oh, well. =P
Cept, Shoreline updated makes me happy.
Title of sermon: The Only Thing You Need.
Yeah, I love their timing. It was uploaded today. lol