Monday, June 25, 2007

Brian Colmery

"We need to stop working on our own loveliness, and rest in HIS love. See the beauty of the gospel is not that we did anything to deserve it. It's that now Jesus Christ-Yahweh is here in flesh living with us and we come to him and we say "Help I need it and I know you love me!". That's it! That's all! And you can rest in that! Are you resting in that these days? Or are you just walking around looking for it? Is it loved after or loved before? What kind of God do you worship?"
-Brian Colmery

Yeah, Brian Colmery is cool.
God's cooler.
He loved me before.
And if he loved me before there's nothing I can do after that will make him love me less or love me more....ahhh I love it! =D Scratch that I love himmmm.


People are confusing. Some more than others. I got this thing this morning from this person *really descriptive huh =P* and was like 0.o

Anyways it's nice to know that God never changes, however my view of him might be swayed by many different things. It's such a comfort =).

I love him =).

Saturday, June 23, 2007


Books that have shaped me;
Bible God

The Face of God Bill Myers
Soul Tracker Bill Myers
Blink Ted Dekker
The Circle Trilogy Ted Dekker
When Heaven Weeps Ted Dekker
Chronicles of Narnia C.S. Lewis
Till We Have Faces C.S. Lewis
When the Last Leaf Falls Bill Myers
The Debt Angela Hunt
This Present Darkness Frank Peretti
Piercing the Darkness Frank Peretti
Edge of Eternity Randy Alcorn
Dominion Randy Alcorn

The Slumber of Christianity Ted Dekker
Don't Waste Your Life John Piper
I Kissed Dating Goodbye Josh Harris < =P lol yes you can laugh
Story: Recapture the Mystery Steven James
The Cross Centered Life C.J. Mahaney
Mere Christianity C.S. Lewis
The Truth and Grace Paradox

June 22

Yesterday was one of those terribly refreshing days. Spending a day with an incredible friend named Lauren will do that to you.
I'm immensely thankful for her friendship and don't know what I would do without her. I mean come on who else could I; go driving...places with, take pictures of hilarious books with, trust to help over come a habit of saying "this is true" to much, go to Macado's with, go on random trips to Kokomo's where we run in to the coolest Georges ever with, spend 5 hours with and have her not get sick of get the idea. lol
Go to Lauren's blog for amazing quotes from yesterday

Wow on both counts.

^ Note her shoes
Didn't you have a
pair of plastic shoes
when you were a
kid. =P

"Everyone hears what you say. Friends listen to what you say. Best friends listen to what you don't say."
- Anon

"Your friend is the man who knows all about you, and still likes you."
- Elbert Hubard

"A friend is a person with whom I may be sincere. Before him I may think aloud."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Thursday, June 21, 2007


If someone were to make a movie about my life who would be in it? hmmmm This is something I was pondering today.
The fact is I probably wouldn't play a huge part; pfffft I probably shouldn't even get a scene where it shows me for even a moment. Why? 'Cause it's not all about me. I love saying that that =P
It should revolve solely around my Creator and the people he chooses my life to revolve around. It's not about what I would like to do with my life, my dreams, my aspirations. It's just not.
As tightly as I will cling to them, clutch them to my chest, and cry out, "These are mine, you can't have these! You can take something else but ohh not this..." That is precisely the thing that he does want. The more I love something the more I have poured myself into it--if I can beg God to help me lay it down at his feet and say "Whatever you want to do with this...just do it. 'Cause I trust you." Then that shows that I love HIM more than whatever it is. He is so infinitely more wonderful. I just want to get this. Ahhhh it just hurts something >.< =P. Dying to myself normally is, but knowing that I can trust God to shape me into more of an image of his Son....oh that is more comforting than anything. And so long as the pain drives me to him it'll be worth it....With his strength and grace I can take it. =) Also fact is nothing else is going to satisfy me. I was created to marvel and worship my Creator. That is my supreme purpose in life. So when I do lay all the stuff I deem "important" at his feet, I'm just laying down all the baggage that keeps me from doing what I was made to do.

"And Jesus was indeed God. And as my Creator, he had made me in his image, with circuitry designed to discover him as my Creator. My hope must be in him. Nothing else could begin to satisfy."
-Ted Dekker

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

What's driving me?

*warning long quote* =P
"Do you understand that even the worship that we did this morning; could have been something that God despised and hated. You might be thinking, "How could God hate us doing something that he commanded? That makes no sense to me." Do you realize....let me take it a little step further, do you realize that God could be disgusted with your prayer life and you praying, God could disgusted with you memorizing and meditating on his word, he could be disgusted with your involvement even here at this church. Do you realize that? This totally floored me. Because God could be, I'm saying could, not that he is. He could be disgusted with those things that you do because they are not driven by your love for him. You see, us praying, us assembling together in this building, us reading God's word, all of those are vehicles to express a love for God."
-Matt Moore

Ahh this kills me. K.i.l.l.s. me.
It's not just as simple as doing 123 or ABC then I'm good. Nope. It's not as easy as making a check list and following it.
But it is as simple as letting my love for God drive everything I do. Everything.
When I'm at church on Sunday singing, it doesn't matter what I sound like. I could have a case of strep sound absolutely awful *even more awful than I normally do =P*, but if I am singing out of a heart, soul, and mind that overflows with a passionate love for God, it will sound beautiful to him.
Yet it goes the other way too...I could have an angelic voice and sing amazingly well but if I am singing so that people notice me or just singing for the sake of singing; then it could be a burden to God and he could be disgusted with it. *wince* It would be better not to sing at all.
Same goes for reading my Bible, memorizing it, even going to church.
Like I said before I need to realign my thought pattern....wait no. I need to ask God to realign my thought pattern......


So the very short notice unexpected trip to Savannah went well. Better than I thought it would so that's always a good thing =).
At about 8 pm Sunday evening we got to Savannah. Monday we hung out at our Grandparents house, then I went to the beach for a couple of hours in the later evening; walked with and took pictures with that amazing sister of mine.
I talked with my aunt for probably about 2 hours Tuesday morning that was fun. And then spent alot of the day at my grandparents.
I read a lot while I was there but that's not really unusual for me...=P And just thought...I love to think.
Calls from Lauren helped the time go by =)....alot =P. She's so incredible that she can make bread and talk to me...I'm sorry she can't seem to get away from me... =P
All that said I'm oh so happy that we came back 4 days early. I'm so glad to be home.
No-one reads this save Lauren I'm pretty sure but that's ok =) haha I keep this more for my sake vs everyone else's I like being about to write down whatever my strange head is thinking at the moment... I should just make it private hmmm that's a thought...

Ohhh as a last thought, God is so good. So even if something isn't "good" in my eyes if it drives me and pushes me to's sooo good. =D It's just the realigning of my entire thought pattern that needs some work now...=P It worked well this time....

What would I do without her?


Sunday, June 17, 2007

Happy Fathers Day!

Happy Fathers Day everyone =)
My dad is awesome, yes, tis true.
His trust in God has/is such an example for me. Plus I mean he wears short sleeved black shirts with bright red ties that have Chinese writing all over them, can't beat that =).

Saturday, June 16, 2007


So yesterday was fun, Mrs. George let me help out with the Banquet thing and Lauren was able to too. =) Made me happy.
Mrs. George is my hero guys, she didn't go to bed all night anddd went all day without stopping. She's amazing and I love, love, love doing stuff with her.
Not to mention I love Adrianna and the boys. =)
So Lauren and I, cut carrot cake, pasted pictures, stuffed buckets with napkins and moss, and went on a road trip to Home Depot. Fun stuff =P.
The Banquet was fun, I pretty much was totally fortunate with my table...I got to sit with the Abe's...I spilled soda on myself...but that's ok =P
Lauren and I =D =P

Today we had testing. It went, well =). Take from that what you will. I was very thankful though.

My God is amazing.
I love him much.

I know! .... or not.

"No one is holier for having a conversation; no one is holier for having read some great books. Unless they change their life."

"According to the bible; you can't know something unless it changes your life. There's no such thing as head knowledge and then like actual practical knowledge. No, if it doesn't change your life; you don't know it."

-Brian Colmery

Wow. Talk about hitting me hard...
How many times has someone approached me with something that I could work on or change and I answer
"I know, I know!"
No. I don't know. If I really knew it when I would be doing it.

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Mystery of Mercy.

I am the woman at the well, I am the harlot
I am the scattered seed that fell along the path
I am the son that ran away
And I am the bitter son that stayed

I am the angry man who came to stone the lover
I am the woman there ashamed before the crowd
I am the leper that gave thanks
But I am the nine that never came

You made the seed that made the tree
That made the cross that saved me
You gave me hope when there was none
You gave me your only Son

My God, my God why hast though accepted me
When all my love was vinegar to a thirsty King?

My God, my God why hast though accepted me
It's a mystery of mercy and the song, the song I sing.

-Caedmon's Call
I love this song.

Monday, June 11, 2007

Last night...

So last night was amazing; I went and rode up and down the road for 45 min listening to "King of Glory" by Brian Colmery. By that time I was done, it was dark. So I went out and laid in the corner of the yard in the itchy grass. The sky was clear, the air smelled clean, stars shown brightly, and it all made me smile. And I talked with God for quite some time and listened to some music. If you would have seen me you would have seen a quite tall shadow running and skipping around the yard with her hands in the air, and grass particles probably would have been stuck in her hair as well.
Be glad you didn't if you saw me you probably would have been very scared. =P And you know what that's ok. lol I'm in love so it's permissible for me to look idiotic =).
I have come to the conclusion that I like worshiping God that was just as much as I love worshiping God in church or something. In church it's good because it helps me get over my fear of man. But yet when I'm all alone in the dark with only the eyes of perhaps a cat watching me, I'm doing it because I'm soo in love with God and I'm not worried about who's sees me, what everyone else is doing ect. It was so much fun...
Then I climbed a tree and thought some more about how amazing he is and such...
Yes, I'm 16 and I climbed a tree, get over it.
I don't know why but it's easier for me to talk to God like that...outside I mean. Where the only thing above me is the sky....or maybe some tree branches. I know I'm strange. =)
I love him.

Sunday, June 10, 2007


If I could pick one prophet in the bible that I wouldn't want to be; Ezekiel would probably be it...
It just shows my selfishness.
When God calls you, you're going to end up doing stuff that looks stupid to the world.
  1. The guy has to lay on his left side for over a year.
  2. Then God tells him to flip over and lay on his other side for another 40 days.
  3. And tells him to cook his bread over cow dung.
But that's nothing....
Ezekiel 24:15-18
The word of the Lord came to me: 16 “Son of man, behold, I am about to take the delight of your eyes away from you at a stroke; yet you shall not mourn or weep, nor shall your tears run down. 17 Sigh, but not aloud; make no mourning for the dead. Bind on your turban, and put your shoes on your feet; do not cover your lips, nor eat the bread of men.” 18 So I spoke to the people in the morning, and at evening my wife died. And on the next morning I did as I was commanded.
Somehow that doesn't seem fair to me. Like God can do whatever he a point. Ok fine make the guy lay on his side, cut his beard, dig a hole, give him visions...but no, you can't take the delight of his eyes--his wife. In my human perspective it just doesn't seem fair. And not only that but he couldn't even mourn, grief, or cry about it.
I have been pondering's easy for me to forget that the guys in the bible were real, live, breathing, feeling humans. They laughed, they cried, they hurt. But they still did it.
Could I do this?!? If God was to talk to me and be like "Hey Ming, I want you to do stuff that will make no sense to anyone else, be painful for you. Oh and I want to take away your family. Oh and you aren't allowed to be upset about it. All to bring people to me, and glory to my name."
Do I really believe that God is "allowed" to do that? Does he really deserve all of me? All that I love?

I have to remember God gave me the desire of his eyes.

"God did not spare his own son; surely he has the right to ask us not to even spare the delight of our eyes whatever that is."
- I don't know who said it.

Honestly do I get this.?
I'm trying...because I have to.

"That's what Christianity is, it's not about our comfort it's about his glory."
Brian Colmery

around the corner

What's around the corner?
I sometimes wish I could see beyond that bend in the road.
See beyond what is just in front of my face.

Saturday, June 9, 2007

So I'm so thankful for my friends.
Lauren and Keri are both amazing; and their dreams kill me. =)
Yesterday was fun too; even if it took them an hour and forty-five minutes to get to our house. =P Oceans 12...yeah.
And talking about everything was quite fun as well.
I love my friends.
But I love God more. =) He's blessed with way to much...

Friday, June 8, 2007

More Ted Dekker...

"Do you want to be happy? Then dive into a deep lake of hope and drink a spoonful of ecstasy. See the face of God with the eyes of your heart, and crave him more.
Obsess after him. Preoccupy your mind with the things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God.
Groan for the day of your wedding. Weep with patience for that day of your inexhaustible pleasure. Long for him.
Wake from your slumber and embrace hope."

"I love you.
I choose you.
I rescue you.
I cherish you."
I'm so glad he did, does, and will continue too...

ok Lauren please don't ask me to elaborate. I probably will eventually to you but it'll be awhile it's a long story....

Ok so I feel horrible. As I should. Sometimes I wonder why these things happen...and their timing. wow. And it's when I feel like this that I find it oh so hard to find joy. Like soo hard...
And then I feel because of how horrible I am that I shouldn't even have joy, it's hard for me to keep in perspective that my feelings shouldn't dictate my joy. Because the fact is I haven't changed I'm just as sinful as I was yesterday, but I just probably didn't think about it. It's really stinking hard though.
The fact is I'm human. I'm going to screw up...if not in this way it'll be in another way. You think I would have known better from last time wouldn't you? Guess not. Sorry guys I'm slow.
Probably the worst thing about it though is thinking yet not knowing if people are mad at that just makes me sick. Especially if it's something I did wrong. Ahhhh why do I do the stuff I do... I know better, I should have learned.
God works all things together for good. Even if we don't see it at first.
This is exactly what I needed, I may not like it, want it , or think I needed it. But I did.

Dad...ok so I screwed up...again...imagine that.
I'm sorry. And I don't really know what else to say.
I'm so selfish and I don't think about stuff as much as I should.
Thanks for loving me in spite of it...I'll never get that. Help me to use this for your glory...somehow someway. As impossible as it may seem right now.
How can you look at me without disgust....ugh. I can't even do that. And you're perfect.
I love you so much...but only because you have let me and for that I thank you.
In a year this thing won't seem as big as it does right now, help me to keep an eternal perspective. Seriously though, as big as this's nothing compared to heaven...and I need to get this.
Let this be something that drives me closer to you. If it does'll be worth it. If you can use this to draw me closer...hmmmm. Then I can say without a doubt I'd love that. 'Cause nothing compares.


And even if I feel like....something not good.
I love God so...
My statement below still stands.


God is good. no. matter. what.

Tuesday, June 5, 2007


I look older than 2 though =P

awwww lol

haha that makes me laugh. I've always loved to A-beka books anyone =P


Life Update...

Life Update;

So my dad talked with the **lawyer (or one of them =P) yesterday. **Mr. Sherrill.
Now I'm going to see if I can get this right I may mix some stuff up though-
By tomorrow Mr. Sherrill is going to file a motion to dismiss all criminal charges or something like that, he also talked with Dr. Templeton about it and about being my dad's expert witness (I think).
He also talked with the lawyer from the medical board and they said something about the suspension on my dad's license only being for 6 months maybe starting from January, so dad might be able to start working again in August.
They also want him to take a CME course in prescribing controlled drugs, it's only a 3 day course though. There was one at Vanderbilt (where ever that is) but it was full for a year so my dad is checking out the University of South Florida, Case Western, and University California San Diego. Wouldn't that be cool if I could go with him? =) No, I haven't map quested and found out it takes approx. 2hr and 41min to go somewhere I'd like to go. =P

So yes, things at this moment in time are looking up? lol I say that with hesitancy because I really can say that this whole time I've been looking up; or at very least attempting to.

But yes, my mom is thrilled and that makes me happy as is my dad. lol I love my parents so =)

You know what the coolest part for me is though? It's that I wasn't freaking out before... God has been soooo gracious to me in this area, he's given me the peace of mind and stilled my heart and head so I haven't been worrying about it. I'm not finding my joy in the fact that my dad has/doesn't have a job--that's not where my hope is.

"And Jesus was indeed God. And as my Creator he had made me in his image, with circuitry designed to discover him as my Creator. My hope must be in him. nothing else could begin to satisfy."
"The bliss we seek awaits in the next life. Our faith is being sure of this hope. The pleasures God has given us serve as a reminder of far greater pleasures to come."
"We should not look fore any great satisfaction on earth, but in heaven alone. When you finally come to the understanding that nothing in this world can truly satisfy the thirst God has placed in you to see him face-to-face, your disappointments with this world's failure to deliver satisfaction will start to fade and you'll begin to enjoy the pleasures on this earth for what they are. Foretastes of heaven."
-Ted Dekker.

Sunday, June 3, 2007


I'm desperately in love with my Savior guys...I'm drinking deeply and diving deeper....
Not a soft-spoken, passive, way either....

Is it even possible to really love and be passive about it?

adulation, affection, amour, appreciation, ardency, ardor, cherishing, crush, delight, devotion, emotion, enchantment, enjoyment, friendship, infatuation, mad for, passion, rapture, relish, respect, worship, yearning, zeal....

Your love will last forever
It’s like a mighty river
That flows and flows forever
Never stopping
Your awesome love protects me
When I sin Your love corrects me
You’re faithful to direct me
Always to Your love

And when I think of all You’ve done
There’s no love greater than this
You freely gave Your precious Son
To die for all my sins

And when I choose to disobey
You lead me back to Your truth
You show the fullness of Your love
By making me like You

I'm altogether loved, satisfied, and all together happy....

Dive deep, oh SOOOO deep! =)


I have dreams *imagine that* =P
I think I need to write them down though...kind of as a way of saying I know I might not get them but its ok.

I would love to get married, (before I'm 40 preferably =P) to a guy that loves his amazing incredible Savior more than anything else that ever existed and then love me more than any human that ever lived (apart from Jesus). A guy who constantly points me back to God, the Gospel, Truth, and helps me love Him more =D Someone who I can-- be best friends with, talk to easily, fall more in love with everyday, spend the rest of my life with. I want to be able to help him love God more and more. I don't want to be a pain, annoyance, bother, ect...=(

I'd love to have 4 kids (maybe more), at least one girl....But all boys would be fine too. I want my kids to grow up and be absolutely floored, blown away, desperately in love with my God and own in on their own. I don't want to screw up parenting...What if I can't do it right...uhhh wow it would take so much trust...

I'd love to have money so I could be able to give tons of it away to CHF and Tribal Beats and Sovereign Grace and such.

Those are my dreams.
I'm not sure if that's God's will for me yet.
I think it might be...

But even....
If God's perfect will is for me to;
Not get married.
Stay single and not be loved in that way here.
Never have kids and raise a family.
Go far away from home and live in a foreign country.
Hardly ever get to see my family and friends.

Then you know what....
That's ok.


Because I have Him to hold my hand, to cherish me, to protect me, to lead me, to hold me, to be with me, to love me.
And that is all I'll ever ever need. See? =)

Now if God's will is for me to;
Get married, be loved and love in that way.
Have kids, raise a family that loves God.
Stay and serve here.
Send money overseas.

Then I will be so happy too.


Because He's still there holding my hand, cherishing me, protecting me, leading me, holding me, there with me, loving me. My life isn't my own. I was bought...with an awful big price tag too...I can never pay Him life is a small price for me to pay..

Ahhhhhhh I love Him sooooooooo much.
It's killing me...
But that's ok!
Cause in living I die...But in dying I live! And I will live ohhh soo abundantly. =D haha I'm hyperish I think.

Lol, I still wish I knew what- and if maybe the what- then maybe when- and if maybe when -then maybe who. =P Yes, I'm a loser like that. =)

But it's me what can I say =P

Why don't I...

Luke 6:41-42
Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?
How can you say to your brother, ‘Brother, let me take out the speck that is in your eye,’ when you yourself do not see the log that is in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take out the speck that is in your brother's eye.

Hmmmm you know alot of the time...I think the reason I don't confront people about a speck is because I don't want the log to be shoved back in my face. =P Reason I don't want it shoved in my face is because- I probably love that log dearly....I enjoy it's presence...and I don't really want to take it out...
Which is completely and totally wrong.
Oh and I get even worse! I'll find something in their life that I *think* I don't struggle with as much. I'll bring that to their attention, and then if they mention some pet sin of mine, "Well that's different." or "We aren't talking about that right now..." ect.
I'm so hypocritical and self-righteous. I drive myself insane.

I need to work on this.

Friday, June 1, 2007


Things that make me happy...
He is my list.

"Christ doesn't make life easy, he just makes it worth it."
-Brian Colmery