Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Random thoughts...

I have forgotten how good I am at procrastinating at school :P

Everyone has an interesting story--if I only take the time to listen.

I love my job--even on the bad days.

I love God--He is awesome.

I am free to love and forgive :)

My mom is seriously the nicest most patient women I know.

I am such an old woman on nights before I work--I go to bed at like 8 lol

I am going to shut up now :)

Saturday, August 20, 2011

God said it

I interpreted it
as best I could in light of all the filters
imposed by my upbringing and culture,
which I try to control but you can never do a perfect job

That doesn't exactly settle
but it but it does give me enough of a platform
to base my values and decisions on.

I like it :)
Humility is realizing that I do not have all the answers.

Thursday, August 18, 2011


Life feels complicated.
Life is really simple.

This is my mantra right now.

I am a planner by nature. I am not organized with paperwork and school and all the little things of life-but my head is like a well run filing system. I can think about and make plans for the future as easily as I breathe. lol

So that being said sometimes I struggle because...well I like my plans working out how...well I plan them. And I struggle because sometimes I can't seem to find a plan that I like for a situation--so then my brain goes into overdrive and I start having a minor panic attack.

I think I'm like the majority of humanity--I like safety, comfort, and security.

I never like it when money is tight, I never enjoy not knowing the outcome of a situation, and I never like the monkey wrenches that it seem that God likes to throw into my well laid and if I do say so myself sometimes quite brilliant plans. lol

Today I was driving and my overactive mind was starting to get the better of me--my head starts going crazy and I start thinking about everything I have to do and need to do and how on earth is this going to work and how much I mess up and how much everyone else messes up and...well you get the idea. lol

And let me just say right now that I am a big big fan of Andrew Peterson. His music calms my seemingly ever active mind. So I flip on my ipod and start listening to this song.

There is more
More than all this pain
More than all the falling down
And the getting up again
There is more
More than we can see
From our tiny vantage point
In this vast eternity
There is more
There is more than what the naked eye can see
Clothing all our days with mystery
Watching over everything
Wilder than our wildest dreams
Could ever dream to be
There is more...
So I stopped freaking out--and had to remind myself--this stuff I am in the middle of, these decisions, these situations--are really not that important. I mean they are important--I don't want to diminish the importance of life and the choices I make here... But I guess what I am saying is that sometimes...well most of the time to me this life here--the daily grind so to speak feels like the end all be all. And it's really not.

There are reasons for the things that go on in my life that I may never fully understand this side of eternity. There is an aspect of mystery to this thing we call life--and that's ok.

This life that I am living right now--is just such a tiny blip on the timeline that is eternity. And what I do here does matter--but how I trust and how much faith I have and how I love is what really matters. Not how I do in school, not how much money I have, pretty much not anything that the world measures success by matters--lol now I just have to truly internalize this.

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

There are lots of things bouncing around in this head of mine.

Thoughts about God, life, people, forgiveness, love, school, work, how much I love toms and scrubs ect. ect. lol

Some say we need a miracle
Some say there's no hope at all
but I know that Your love is strong

I love those lyrics.

I'm such a strange person. and weird. and dorky. Or maybe I'm not and I just like thinking that I am unique. lol

But from time to time I get in these pensive thoughtful moods and tonight is one of them....I think. haha

One of the things that's been on my head today--is that sometimes I just can't stand Christians (and I'm throwing myself in there lol)

We just seem to fight over the stupidest things.

And the thing that's horrible is that we seem to hold everyone else to higher standards than we hold to ourselves. And I know I've done it--and I hate it.

Why can't life be simple.? Why can't we just love Jesus, love other people, and long for heaven?

lol Heck why can't I just do those three things--instead of consistently messing up every. single. day. *head smack on the keyboard*
You must, You must think I’m strong
To give me what I’m going through
Well forgive me, forgive me if I’m wrong
But this looks like more than I can do
On my own
These lyrics also seem to be my theme song for the past few weeks. God seems to keep throwing stuff in my life--its gotten to be a bit ridiculous. lol

But it's been good for me. so good for me.

Alright I am going to shut up and stop being Ms. Cryptic lol and start cleaning up this mess of a room I have.

Love God&Love People



Wednesday, August 10, 2011

fair or forgiveness.?

"Someone always pays a price when forgiveness happens. There is a price that has to be paid." -Brant Hansen

When someone makes a choice that hurts you in some way there is a cost that comes with it.

It is a price that must be paid.

And in the moment--you have a decision to make--do you make the person pay the price that their choice.

Do you make them pay for what they have done?

Maybe it would be cutting words that you could say that would make them hurt they way they deserve. Maybe it's a physical price that you think they should pay. Turning over and over in your head what they did to you and how horrible it was? you absorb the cost. Do you choose to pay the price for what they have done?

Swallow the words that would hurt? Pay the debt that they have earned? Choose to stop reliving what they did to you over and over again in your head? Deciding not to hold onto the anger?

That is what forgiveness is... it is paying the price of letting something go--that might even deserve to be held onto.

I know it's not fair. I know there is something that rises up in all of us with indignation when the thought of forgiving "that" one thing.

God's been teaching me much on this subject. And inside I have felt that feeling welling up inside of me indignant and upset because I would much rather at times let the other person pay the price for their own actions. That would be fair!

I am hurt already--it's not fair that I have to pay another price. It's just not.

But here are the facts people--this thing called's not fair.

Something are deserved...but...

Sometimes we all get things we don't deserve--good and bad.

And we should be glad for it. At least I am--I wouldn't like to get a speeding ticket every time that I went over the speed limit. lol

And the fact is that if God could forgive me--and pay the price that I was was suppose to pay-then you know what...

I am glad that life isn't fair.

silly people

Life is confusing. And I find the older I get the more confusing it becomes.

I come to find out-- that apparently even though I am not 5 anymore--there is still mentality in females that females are better and males think--well that males are better.

I have an announcement ladies and gentleman...

Men can be really stupid.


But guess what...

Women can be really stupid too.


Shocker I know.

Fact is that--people can just be stupid.

All humans at one point or another in their short lives--make some dumb decisions.

Grant it some more than others.

But we all do it.


God loves us all anyways.


You see all of the pieces

But I see a life I can mold

You see a bunch of blank pages

But I see potential untold

Before you give up

Before your heart breaks

Open your eyes to this picture of grace, and just...

Slow down, take a breath in this moment

Leave all the worries you're carrying

Be still in the midst of this madness

Let go of all that you fear

'Cause I've already set your heart free

So leave all the changing to me

You see the doubt and the questions

But I see the wrestling with faith

You see someone worth nothing

But I see someone I can save

Life is a long road

So hard to follow

You feel like you'll never win

Just trust in my love

And let me take care of the rest

So you can begin





Saturday, August 6, 2011


I have been blessed with pretty good genes.
I am tall.
I have great metabolism.
My skin is nice, I have a figure.
I have a decent layout for a face.
I am not completely dumb.
I have a good brain and I enjoy using it.

I break out sometimes.
Mostly on my chin and forehead
I am not toned.
My nose is to wide.
My face is flat
My eyes are different sizes.
I don't have much of a butt.
I hate exercising
And I am one of the biggest klutzes you will ever meet.

I love helping people
I love doing things for people
Getting gifts for people.
Talking to people

Loving people.
I am forgiving and patient for the most part.
and I am loyal to a fault.

I am also moody at times.
Get upset over little things.
Very curious (aka snoopy)
Controlling and clingy at times.

This is me.
The good and the bad.
The nice and the ugly.
And God loves me anyways.

Friday, August 5, 2011

My anthem today.

Sometimes I just want to start over, 'cause everything looks like a wreck
And I need the courage to carry on, 'cause I can't see what's ahead
And there are places I've wished I could be, battles I've wanted to win
Dreams that have slipped through my hands
I may never get back again

Oh, I've lost my faith in so many things, but I still believe in You
'Cause You can make anything new

Sometimes I just wish we could say all the things that are easy to hear
Ignore the injustice we see and explain every unanswered prayer
But I'd rather speak honestly and wear a tattered heart on my sleeve
'Cause in the middle of my broken dreams, redemption is here

I don't have every answer in life
But I'm trusting You one day at a time
'Cause You can make a weak heart stay alive forever
this is where Heaven and Earth collide
I lift my hands and give my life
This is how my weary heart stays alive