Plan tomorrow.

Bake bread. Clean room. Do laundry.

I freaking love talking to old friends. He doesn't hate me anymore (I think) :)

Merry Christmas!

It's been a wonderful holiday and I am ready for it to be over though ;)

Also--we finally have gotten a white Christmas in Charlotte!!!!

Hmmmm

"By saying there is not truth you are implying that you are speaking truth. And if you are taking notes ladies and gentleman that is called an arguement that commits suicide. It's like saying my brother is an only child or I can't speak a word in English--as soon as you say it--it is not true"

-Scott Klusendorf

‎"Yet as I read the birth stories about Jesus I cannot help but conclude that though the world may be tilted toward the rich and powerful, God is tilted toward the underdog."
— Philip Yancey

I love this song.

"Love Is The Reversal"

Welcome to the worldwide train wreck
Welcome to the come undone
Welcome to the big rejection
Welcome to the hit and run
Where mercy cries for everyone

Yeah, nothing is as good as it should be
'Cause this is the rehearsal
Yeah, in between the was and the could be
Love is the reversal

I believe we're underwater
I believe the engine's blown
Yeah I believe our secret longings
Tell us that we're not at home
But grace reclaims what the world disowns

We rebelled. God loved. We fought His ways. God made a peace offering. Grace is gloriously backwards!

-Louie Giglio

I love God.

Louie is pretty awesome though too. :)

Today Stephen and I wrapped all of his presents that he got for him famdamily. It was enjoyable.

In other news--my dad was cranky today--this leads to a very unpleasant household. lol

‎"Our greatest fear should not be of failure but of succeeding at things in life that don't really matter."
— Francis Chan

I want to learn to love better--and I strongly dislike arrogant people.

God give me grace to love them too.

real forgiveness

"all sins forgiven. slate wiped clean."

That sounds really good...

Grr God what do I do....?

I'm going to honest.

I had a lovely time with my Lauren friend tonight.

She makes me want to be a better person and it revives my soul when I spend time with her. It is so refreshing to spend time who shares your opinions about Christianity and what Gods heart is.

We talked about how lukewarm people in churches

How God has called us for so much more

And how church has become a show and how we beg people to come.

And is that what Jesus did?

Now here is where I'm going to be scarily honest.

I kind of changed my thought process--and not for a good reason. When my boyfriend and I started dating--I changed how I thought about things because I didn't want to "scare" him off. I tried to become less radical--less crazy--less ridiculous. I rationalized it--told myself that I was wrong before.

Slowly though over the past year or so God's been chipping away at my issues. And changing me and Stephen as well. As I see how drastically Stephen's changed--even in the way he thinks about things, it's reminding me to trust God.

If he is the man for me--then God will be faithful to mold him into the man that he is meant to be just as he promised to faithfully mold me into the woman that I need to be.

And I need to trust God.

Cause when it comes down to it--it's a trust issue.

Do I trust God enough to give him everything?

Even my feelings?

Do I believe that God is going to hold my heart and my hand gently?

Do I believe that He works everything out for the good of those who love Him?

And Dear God--I want to love you.

Help me love you.

lets get this done and knock it out! :)

Also-do loads and loads of laundry ;)

One final stands between me and freedom.

And I need an 87 for a B.

Yes, getting a 75 on a test (when your tests are worth 20% of your grade will totally screw you over :P)

No chance for an A--but I will live (hopefully) ;)

How come the more I get to know God--the less I feel I do...lol

List

Things to do after school during Christmas break.

1. Talk to God
2. Give Stephen a hug and tell him how glad I am it's over lol
3. CLEAN ROOM (my room literally looks like an atomic bomb went off)
4. Read books (lots and lots and lots :))
5. Finish buying Christmas presents
6. Wrap Christmas presents
7. Work
8. Study for the NCLEX
9. Talk to friends
10. Hang out with Justin (and maybe Madison as well :))
11. See my Lauren friend
12. See Cassie

:)

I love my little "brother" Justin. Seriously.

Lol He listens to me and we are friends.

Plus he's pretty entertaining.

4 more days!

5. more. days.

Scary....

One. More. Week.

I struggle though. I struggle because saying things that I believe offends people and they get mad.

And I hate making people mad.

Dear God,

Please help me.

Help me declare you and stand up for what is good, right, just, and true.

Even if the world stands against me.

Amen.

Wrestle

Do I really believe that my weaknesses could be my biggest strengths?

Do I really believe that in order to be great that I must be weak?

That to be a leader I must be a servant?

What would my life look like and what would I be doing if I was to live completely in God's will?

And what does that look like day to day?

In school and work?

The things I wrestle with.

8. more. days.

Dear God please help me.

The End is Drawing Near

9 days left.!

Soooo excited :)

Just need to plug on through this one test, one final and 2 days of clinical! :D

*Warning* A Rant

You know one of the things that really annoys me is when people make huge over arching generalizations about groups of people.
Especially about those of the opposite gender.

For example:

Women: "All men are jerks, liars and *explicative*"

Men: "All women are moody, backstabbing and dumb"

Excuse me? Ladies and gentleman. Are we still in kindergarten? I'm sorry but the whole "boys are better than girls" and "girls are better than boys" has been old to me since I was 6. I remember telling girls, "Girls are better than boys at somethings and boys are better than girls at somethings."

None of the girls liked that very much.

Seriously though--I see and hear alot of the young men and women my age still carrying on this ridiculousness and it's just one of my pet peeves.

Women
Can men be jerks? Yes. Can they lie? Yes.
News flash ladies! So can we. And honestly there are douche bag guys out there who are retarded and are only concerned about themselves. But honestly--going to a club and trying to find a boyfriend there...probablyyy isn't the best place to look.

Men
Can women be moody? Yes. Can we be backstabbing? I'm sure Can we be dumb? Yes.
So can you honestly though. And not all women are ditzy, dumb, and klutzy. I don't think I am dumb or ditzy. I think I can carry on a intelligent conversations and not come across as an idiot. I will admit I am a klutz though lol


Here's the truth ladies and gentlemen.

We are all screw ups.

Yes--you heard me right ALLLLLL of us. Men and women.

We are all human and we will all hurt each other. We all are sinners.

As long as we live in the broken world--we will hurt other and we will be hurt by others.
It's because we need to be redeemed.

So let's stop focusing on how everyone else has problems and how everyone else is hurting people.
Lets focus on what we can do.

How can we bring joy to people? How can we show compassion and love to those around us?

Let's try that instead.

Today is just the kinda day that makes me want to crawl into my warm comfy bed and go to sleep.
It's just so cold and dreary out.

But then again I suppose it doesn't help that I contracted a bit of a cold last night does it?

Honestly I'm surprised that my body has held out this long--everyone in my family has gotten sick but I have somehow dodged the bullet...until now. :)

Oh well.

One's are what stand in my way right now...

One more clinical
One more test
and One more final
is all that is between me Christmas break right now!

You have no idea how much I'm looking forward to break--I plan on cooking and baking and cleaning and reading. Oh my reading--how I have missed you...only 10 more days!

Christmas is getting close too! I need to finish getting gifts.

Typically I'm pretty good at it--but I seem to have dropped the ball this year--whoooops. I shall blame school :)

In other news

God is amazing.

Not an all inclusive list :)

I am thankful for:

God. Always and forever. But never as much as I should be

The Bible

My amazing boyfriend--who has managed to put up with me for almost 3 years :)

My family. Specially my mommy :)

Friends

Church (which isn't a building or a service or somewhere you go--the church is people :))

Cinnamon rolls

Trees

Nursing School

A car to drive

Crunchy leaves

Blankets

Pillows

Sleep!

Love

Grace

Mercy

Justice

Francis Chan

Brant Hanson

Wind

The sky

Stars

BOOKS!

Kisses

Hugs

Smiles

Laughs

Words

ect, ect, ect. :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q4Zn4_TluKE&feature=channel

You should watch this video.

I love Tenth Avenue North.

And this is one of my favorite songs.

It resonates deep within me.

I have much to be thankful for.

God please help me remember.

DON’T QUIT
When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,

When the road you’re trudging seems all uphill,

When the funds are low, and the debts are high,

And you want to smile, but you frown a bit,

Rest if you must, but don’t you quit.

Life is strange with its twists and turns,

As everyone of us sometimes learns,

And many a failure turns about,

When he might have won had he stuck it out;

Don’t give up though the pace seems slow,

You may succeed with another blow.

Success is failure turned inside out,

The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,

And you can never tell how close you are,

It may be near when it seems so far;

So stick to the fight when you’re hardest hit,

It’s when things seem worst

That you must not quit.

Author Unknown

I love books :)

And I'm so not even kidding :P

"We are an odd race capable of both martyrdom and murder, poetry and rape, worship and abortion. And Christianity explains why: we are both the Spirit-breathed children of God and the expelled rebels of the kingdom. In the ways that matter most, we're all from the Garden of Eden. We've all listened to the snake. Yet we're also children of the Father. We are far worse than we would ever on our own admit and loved by God more deeply than we would ever dare to dream. We are both worthless and priceless, terrorist and saints, lost and homeward bound."
-Sailing Between the Stars

Nothing can separate

Even if I ran away

Your love never fails

I know I still make mistakes, but

You have new mercy for me everyday

Your love never fails

You stay the same through the ages

Your love never changes

There may be pain in the night

But joy comes in the morning

And when the oceans rage

I dont have to be afraid

Because I know that you love me

And your love never fails

The wind is strong and the waters deep, but

Im not alone here in these open seas

Cause your love never fails

The chasm was far too wide

I never thought Id reach the other side

But your love never fails

You make all things, work together for my good

-Jesus Culture

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I love this song.

It reaches down in me and pulls at my heart.

We sang it today at Mosaic.

I forget myself as the words wash over me and I cry out the words--

Because I know they are truth.

But sometimes it's hard to remember that sometimes.

I know God's love never fails.
I know.

I know.

Ask me about it and that's what I'll tell you.

But do I believe it?

Does do my actions shout that to the world?

Deep down sometimes I don't think I quite know it.

Part of me is scared that he loves like people love.

How I love.

God, open my eyes and help me see.