Saturday, November 19, 2011

Super Cute

This is adorable. Super nerdy. But adorable. lol

I love...

I love Jesus and family and friends and life and love and joy and grace and peace and mercy and trees and hot chocolate and crunchy leaves and my pillow pet and soft blankets and fluffy pillows and 70's weather and books! and laughing and smiling and thinking and people that are honest and authentic and my job! and my patients and my co-workers and hoodies and boots and shorts and jeans and my TOMS and truth and dresses and blue skies and thunderstorms and creeks and oceans and coloring and melatonin and sleep and giving gifts and many many other things.

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Sometimes songs say it better than I ever could.

Crack kids, track kids, hookers and robbers
The naked and hungry, mothers and fathers
Abuses, excuses, guns in your hands
And I even welcome the arrogant man

I welcome you all to the biggest of feasts
A night of no shame, to pause and to breathe
This is a night of love's renovation
A feast I am sure that could change a whole nation
Me, I am not such an excellent host
I’m one who forgives but needs it the most

I found the liar, the killer of hearts
And I ran away with a new way to start.
I journeyed a road where a bright man appeared
He looked into me, my eyes filled with tears
My breath fast and short, my heart burning deep
He gave me new eyes and a new way to see

Come as you are, as you are, as you are

I still defiled His great love ways
I felt such a famine when I ran away
I missed the presence, the voice like a song
I was nasty and dirty, I knew I was wrong
But He ran to me like a dream, like a Father
This love is not earthly, this love must be other
He carried me home and threw me a party
A party so loud, like the greatest love story
Oh, my dear friends, applaud now please
I've invited you here to announce you are free
He takes your chains, busting you out of prison
Just open your heart, let your heart come and listen

Who could accept all your pounding and screaming
Your raging, your freaking, cussing, and beating
All while He holds you and always forgiving
This is the story of love and of living
Wipe off your tears and laugh just a little
Come, break this bread, celebrate the Forgiver
Raise up a glass, a time to remember
Come, break this bread, celebrate the Forgiver


I want this to be me. I want to welcome and be kind and gracious to everyone.
No matter what they have done.
Because I should get Forgiveness and Grace.
And Mercy and Love too.
Because it's been freely given to me.
God help me love you and love people.

Monday, November 14, 2011

Long time coming...

*Disclaimer. I know people may get upset about this post. And that's ok. I'm just working these things out in my own head, mind, and heart. They weigh heavily on me--and if you are at all involved I'm sure they weigh heavily on you as well. All I can ask is that you never trust anyone fully and completely...except Jesus. No one deserves it--they will fail you. And you idolizing them to where you trust them with everything and won't believe they are capable of A, B, C, or D--will mess them up.

If you have any problem or think that I am way off and completely stupid or wrong--please email me at and let me know. I want to know if I am wrong and always enjoy a good discussion. :)*

I think two of the most influential forces that humans can obtain in this life are Money and Power.

Unfortunately these two things have an incredible about of power to mess. us. up.

Power makes us feel like we are way more important than we actually are. It can corrupt even the most staunch believer and it's addictive tendrils find a way to penetrate the most humble of individuals. It makes us feel like we are puffs us up.

Money is addictive and it makes us feel secure. Don't believe me? Let me empty your bank account or I'll give you a million dollars. Watch how your feeling of security changes.

Power does weird things to me (though I've never really had much of it-thankfully) and money does really weird things to me. I have to be really really careful because I'm not sure I'm strong enough to handle alot of either one.

This being said...I find this whole thing with Crossway to be really really sad... all the way around... I honestly don't really agree completely with anyone. I think we are all messed up, screwed up, and human.

God know's that I've done stupid, retarded, sinful things. And He knows that I still continue to do things like that now, so that being said I'm not to say that I know everything or that I am better. Because I'm not.

Now I wasn't at the CW family meeting last night--so I'm not sure that everything that I've heard is accurate or in the right context...but that being said I don't think that anyone...even pastors should ask anyone...much less their entire congregation to trust them blindly...
Like I said--I'm not the smartest person but there's something about that...that just doesn't sit right with me... It makes me really uneasy and I'm not quite sure how it is to be considered ok...

All throughout history religion has been used a tool, a mechanism that men have used to manipulate and control people. Catholics, Protestants, Muslims, ect. ect. the list goes on and on.

And part of how these institutions would try to wield their congregation or the population in general was by controlling what information they read or heard. Always under the guise that people were not educated or strong enough to handle it themselves and therefore had to be "protected".

Sidenote: But you know...If I was possibly going to lose my source of income (money) and power that I had amassed over the years I may do the same thing...But for the grace of God go I...

This is ONE of the reasons religion--sucks. And this is why I am not interested in it in the least.
Give me a relationship with Jesus. Give me the Holy Spirit to guide me. Give me community with people that are just as messed up as I am but are loved just as much as I am.

Excuse my language but screw everything else.

I personally think that SGM is kind of messed up from the core on out. But I'm not 100% on board with the other side either.

People that I love and are my friends are being thrown into the mix and it's beginning to upset me.

Ofcourse the fact that I'm dating a Detwiler doesn't exactly help my situation either. Sometimes I wonder what on earth God was thinking when He thought that one up.

I am not a sit there lay down and just accept whatever is fed to me type of person. Lol I've tried doing that actually and it makes me a very volatile and moody person.

Here's the facts-- I don't trust my parents completely, I don't trust CJ Mahaney completely, I don't trust Josh Harris completely (even if I do admire and love how he is handling everything) , I don't trust Francis Chan completely (although I admire him ALOT), I don't trust Brent Detwiler completely, I don't trust my friends completely (even though I love, adore and would do anything for them), ect...Heck I don't trust myself completely.

We're all human--we all fall short every single freaking day.

And God still loves us anyways.

So how about we root ourselves in Jesus and not other people.

Because when the bottom drops out and I guarantee you it will for everyone--He's the only on that's going to be left standing.

So here is to Jesus. Here's to His love. Here is to holding His hand and being brave even when the bottom drops.

Here is to finding my security in HIM and HIM ALONE.

*end tirade*