Monday, April 27, 2009

I'm so ready to be done with school.



Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Obsession and a ton of other thoughts that follow no coherent order...

What can I do with my obsession
With the things I cannot see
Is there madness in my being
Is it the wind that moves the trees?
Sometimes You're further than the moon
Sometimes You're closer than my skin
And You surround me like a winter fog
You've come and burned me with a kiss

And my heart burns for You
And my heart burns...for You

And I'm so filthy with my sin
 I carry pride like a disease
You know I'm stubborn, Lord, and I'm longing to be close
You burn me deeper than i know
And I feel lonely without hope
And I feel desperate without vision
You wrap around me like a winter coat
You come and free me like a bird

my love burns for You
and my heart feels for You
my life good for You
all i have burns for you you
burns, burns, oh la la la la la la
my love burns for You
and my heart burns for You
my love burns
my heart feel
my life good
all i have for you
You know when you're heart burns aches and hurts? You know the feeling?
It's twisting in your chest with a pain that's not really quite describable?

You know?

I miss my God peoples. I miss long talks, I miss being close, I miss smiling at the thought of a Father that loves me so much that'd he'd cross eternity just to find me. I miss Him so much. God and I were chums. Eternal King and me--unlikely pair, tell me about it.

But come and listen--let me tell you what he's done for you--done for me--done for us.

No seriously, sit down let's talk.


The awesome power, persistance, wild, crazy, loving, Lord that I know as my Father.

I know it's unpopular to believe what I believe. Maybe not in the circles that you run in--but I'm starting to learn what it's like to be in the world. Engaging and loving people who are living in a way that runs contrary to everything I've ever been taught was right. Becoming really good friends with them--it's very annoying actually. Because then you actually start caring. I'm not saying the fake "Oh I want everyone to go to heaven." type deal. I'm talking about the keeping awake til all hours wondering how on earth you can be an example to them to make Christ look attractive to them. All the while knowing how far you fall short everyday. It's enough to get inside your head and keep you up... How do you tell someone without being preachy? How do you show a person you really truly care?

Have I been holding on to these things, people, relationships to tightly?

This whole leave everything behind if you want to follow me thing is hard.

Worth it in the end--I know.

But it's really freaking hard.

I'd be lying if I said otherwise.

Cause it doesn't just feel like you're ripping your heart out.
It doesn't just hurt you.
It's gonna hurt other people to.

But is God worth it to me?

He is. He so is. The person that crossed history, eternity, and stretched his arms across a cross to pay a price for me.... He's worth my life and more. I miss him I love him kids.

So much it makes my heart ache.

And what's a person to do about that....

I love Him.

It's not about life kids.

It's really not, I know it seems like it sometimes but it's not.

It's not about school, it's not about getting a good job, it's not about the husband or the wife, it's not about the house and the morgage, it's not about the kids, it's not about life.

It's about God and people in that order.

More specifically loving God and loving people in that order.

In trying to save your life--you will lose it.
In losing your life--you will save it.
The dichotomies of the kingdom of Heaven.

In living you die and in dying you live.

I know it doesn't feel that way but it is.

Holding on--losing everything
Letting go--gaining better grip.

It really doesn't make sense--but it's not called faith and trust for nothing.

Love much kids.

I'm going to try and sleep.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Meet me here. Please.

Meet me here. Among the thistles and the thorns.
You are near, I need your cover from the storm.
Meet me here. I want a touch of your grace.

So burn like a fire, strong like a flame
Consume this heart, leave nothing the same.
For you are the Lord of this sacred place...
Remove your veil and show me your face...

No one else, can reach the depths of this frail heart
You begin the times I don't know where to start
I surrender--I give my life to you.

I remember your mercy, that you are my friend
I remember you met me here before
Now Lord, please meet me here again.
I forgot I had this beautiful music in my i-tunes library.
It really is very amazing music.
I want it.
But I don't.
Because to have it means that my life won't be "safe" at all.
At least in the comfortable sense....
Does that make any sense?

Wednesday, April 15, 2009


"God's intention was that we would gather these fishers of men. The church was suppose to be fishers of men. But instead of becoming fishers of men------- we've become an aquarium."

This is pretty amazing

Oh my gosh.

Oh my gosh.


I want to move to California.

I keep pushing this out of my head.

But I want to...

Francis Chan is amazing. He's walking out his convictions even when they run counter intuitive against the way that Christianity is suppose to be and even if they go against the grain of what he was always taught--what we have always been taught.

He's honest, radical, idealistic, and he's crazy.

And I love it.

Love it.
Oh my gosh.
I love it. lol

He's asking the questions that I've been asking myself and trying to ask others. And their the questions that other's get really ticked at...

I want to go...

I want to live crazy and radically and I'm tired of being passive.

So, so tired of being passive...

I want to live as if I actually do believe that the Bible is true like I say I do. I want to actually do things that wouldn't make sense apart from God. And I want to have Jesus and I want to be close to him.

But on the flip side guys--I'm scared. I'm scared because I've felt like this before and I waver all the time. I screw up, do stupid things, I get in the way of my passions and radicality [I know that's not a word.]. I'm scared to say this sort of thing because...I don't want people looking at me and disregarding what I'm saying. I'm afraid that people are going to be like, "Oh look--there goes Ming again on one of her little soapbox rants. She's so screwed up, she says this sort of thing and then goes and messes her life and others all up."

I'm afraid to be passionate because I how I've acted at time and things I've done. I've always been a "good" kid up until this last year or so, so it's hard for me to deal with how I think other people view me. I know it shouldn't matter--but I'd be lying if I say I didn't think about it.

Does that make sense?

So I don't write. I don't rant. I don't ramble. I step quietly on my passions and put my foot in my mouth and just try to fade into the background. Then try and find something to write about but come up with nothing, because frankly my passions are an integral part of who I am.

Just as everyone's passions are an intrinsic part of who they are as people.

For some people is cars, for some its golf, for others its video games, sewing, politics--ect ect.

My passions are just different in some ways. lol Remember kids I'm really odd.

I know it's wrong to think about it and not write--but I'm just being honest.

So there--that's honestly why I don't write alot. I'm just growing and trying to figure out what I'm suppose to do and how I'm suppose to deal with life as it comes hard and fast my way.

I screw up more often then not and I'm more often than not just darn confused And people.

And I know God is God but people still confuse me.

Anyways I'll shut up now kids.

Maybe I should make this blog private--like my other ones. =P

Nobody reads this probably anyways lol

Anyways it's crazy late...errr...early so I'll talk to you kids later.


Lauren--watch Gospel Conference pt.5 then let me know what you think. =)
Oh my gosh, he just said he's been questioning whether or not Cornerstone has the right to call itself a church. Unless they're'll have to listen to him--because otherwise they're redefining it.

Saturday, April 11, 2009

There's like 5 posts that I have saved as drafts but I couldn't finish or just didn't feel like posting.

I'll write later--possibly.