Monday, March 31, 2008


Love. Do I get it? I don't. If I could get love down then everything else would come naturally. I don't compare people that I love. When I really love people I'm humble and count them more important than myself. I want to get this. Ming, I'm talking to you. Get this! Please? This love? A love so deep for you, if you could get this then it would all fall into place. Do you hear me Ming? He's calling you. He has called you. He LOVES you!
Rest in it please. Please.
Don't worry about other minuscule silly things. Please don't.
Don't worry about your future. He's got you.
Don't worry about what people think about you. He loves you.
Don't worry about your test grade. He's got a plan.
Do you hear me? Please please don't worry or over think things. It's killing you.
Love saved you, died for you.
Love has loved you. Even if you don't love that amazing Love like you should. He still loves you. Even if you turn your nose up at it and chase other rediculous things. He still loves you!
I'm begging you here; don't forget!
Believe it Ming. Trust it and faith in His amazing love and his abundant mercy and grace. No. Don't you dare try to flippantly disregard those words just because you've heard them your whole life.
Mercy it's not just another word. Did you forget? Mercy someone not giving you something bad that you deserve. Remember what you deserve. Remember how awful, sick, and dirty you were until that Love saved you.
Grace? Remember that? Grace is someone giving you something you don't deserve. Remember what you were saved for! You weren't saved for nothing, you have the grace to change. You have the grace to become like Him! Did you forget that? Seriously? Honestly girl.
Did you forget what you get in the end of this too? Oh my gosh. Don't tell me you forgot about eternal bliss...oh, so you didn't forget you just didn't think about it alot or didn't really care? What?! That's almost worse. Dwell on your amazing home. Please? It'll be so so good for you. You will see the God that you love so much in His glory. It'll bring you down. Imagine it Ming. You won't be able to contain yourself. Imagine the throne room of God. You'll be there with millions of people. People who loved God too. All ethnicities. Yet, none of those people even in their masses will be able to even begin to compare to the one that is sitting on his throne. You didn't think about that alot? Oh Ming....
It's not about you. It never has been. Trust me that's a good thing. I don't know why stuff has happened and I don't know what's going to happen in the future. But I promise you this. God loves you and He does have a plan. Yes, I promise you that.
I don't know what your life is going to look like. No, I'm sorry I don't. Maybe you'll get in the nursing program, and maybe you won't. Maybe you'll get married, and maybe you won't. Maybe you'll be a missionary, and maybe you won't. I can't give you details. I'm sorry I can't.
But I can give you the bigger picture.
No matter what happens it'll be in God's plan for you. You're job is just to love Him in a crazy insane incredible way. That's allllll you need to worry about. Don't worry about anything else.

Dear God....I want to me with my unbelief.

Burning everything I'm learning,
Light a match,
'Cause I don't get it yet.
Shake out the mistakes that I've made,
Swallow them down.
Is it more than I can take,
It's been a bad day
You've been looking back
And all you can see is everything you wish you could take back
All your mistakes
A world of regrets
All of those moments you would rather forget
I know it's hard to believe
Let me refresh your memory

Yesterday is history And history is miles away
So, leave it all behind you
But let it always remind you of the day
The day that love made history

You know you can't stay right where you fell
The hardest part is forgiving yourself
But let's take a walk into today
And don't let your past get in the way

Would you believe that you are history in the making, in the making?
Every choice that you are making
Every step that you are taking
Every chain that you are breaking
History is in the making
Every word that you are saying
Every prayer that you are praying
Every chain that you are breaking
History is in the making
Now playing: Matthew West - History

Friday, March 28, 2008


I was bored this afternoon. It was so nice out [if maybe a little bit to warm]

So I went outside to take pictures cause I love flower and I love spring. And then I went and walked around in the woods because woods are amazing. Ofcourse...I was a loser and wore a tank-top with shorts. Now my arms and legs are kind of scratched up. Whooops.

I'm a very strange girl. I can't be 17...

Wednesday, March 26, 2008


It was gorgeousness out today. I love spring. It makes me happy. =)

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

2004 was a long time

Yes, you can laugh I do. I'm humbled. 12-15 were interesting years. =P

Also prank callers...-_-
But this is good vvv
The World's Best Bible Reading Plan

Sunday, March 23, 2008


God saved us from sin…

with our sin.

…with our worst sin.

…with our worst possible sin.

…with the worst possible sin.

-Abraham Piper

I'm not without hope.

God loved me.

I love him.

So much.

Saturday, March 22, 2008

See, Hear, Speak

See No Evil----------------Hear No Evil--------------- Speak No Evil

I love my sister.

Now I just need to get those concepts down. I should do that to stop like slap my hands on my eyes ears and mouth to stop...that'd be entertaining.

Thursday, March 20, 2008

I'm sorry.

Oh dear...dear me.

Kids--I'd forgotten it...

You know that love that I use to be obsessed with? It faded for a few months. Oh I hate to say that but for the sake of being completely honest--it's true. I knew something had changed but I wasn't willing to let things go in my life to bring whatever that something was back.

That pervasive, eternal, perfect love--I forgot it?

No wonder I haven't known what to talk about....

I'd let the passion that obsession for that love fall to the wayside while other things crowded in to take it's place.

I'm sorry guys. I'm sorry for getting distracted, I'm sorry for not loving God, and not actively loving those around me. I'm so sorry. I tripped, I stumbled and I'm so sorry.

I haven't been pursuing that marvelous light with reckless abandon.

Oh the things that God will use to humble us, huh?

How did I forget? How could I let that fall to the wayside?

No wonder I can't love people the right way...I don't love God enough...How did I miss this? It's always gone back to this hasn't it? Love I mean.

It's not that I love people to much, that's not the problem--the problem is that I don't love God enough.

You know last year I was so obsessed with love...and I wandered away...I'm so sorry.

The only reason I love Him is because He loved me first. I love Him because He loved me.

Pray for me please?

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Justin don't even ask why I posted that picture because I don't even know. I was bored ok. =P
So I really don't know what to say. Except I was listening to this on the way to caregroup Sunday but wasn't able to finish it before we got there. On the way home though this is where I left off and I really liked it and thought it was fitting...Hmmm yes, God's amazing. =)

"See Kingdom is not a place, almost every place it is used in the New Testament it doesn't refer to a place, it refers to God's redemptive rule and reign. And the good news of the Kingdom is that God has come into this earth, he has come into this world and he's defeated the enemies of God and man. And he invites us, he invites his creation to come into the proper-- that created relationship, where he is King and we are yielding to that and so we get to move into that redemptive rule and reign. And then he calls us to live in community, he calls us to live out the reality of that; which we call the church. See the church is to be that living manifestation of what it looks like to live under his redemptive rule and reign in relationship together. So no longer to we relate to each other because of social biases, ethnic biases, social economic biases, or any of those other biases. We relate to each other as we yield to the redemptive rule and reign of God. And then that community of his Kingdom--is sent into the world to engage it. Not to hunker down on a Sunday morning. The Sunday morning is to be that catalyst for the rest of the week as we engage."
-Jeff Lewis

I thought it was an amazing. =)

Saturday, March 15, 2008

I love flowers. =)

I love thunderstorms and rain and reading and life and music and flowers and friends and yeah. =) You get the picture. =P

Aren't my parents sweet? =)

Thursday, March 13, 2008

Spring break and reading make me happy...=)

Yes, it's true. =)

Oh dear, my test in A&P this morning was brutal. *wince* Oh well. God's good right? Even if I fail a test? Yes, He is. But hopefully I didn't bomb it completely.

Life progresses as normal around here. Today I cleaned up around the house, did large amounts of dishes, read, and pondered the meaning of life (well maybe not the meaning of life but I did ponder. =P).

I'm adoring this weather we have had as of late too; clear (or sunny if you'd rather =P), warm (warm enough to wear shorts and a t-shirt--yet not to hot), with the smell of spring in the air is quite enough to make me very content with life in general. Couple that with fields of grass with the winds blowing and birds singing and you have enough to make me sublime. =P There's something amazing about spring. I love the other seasons and I would say that I love fall just as much as spring--but there's something about spring that I've always loved. There are aspects to ever season that I love and appreciate and I get quite excited whenever any of them roll around (I'm a dork, I know. =P) But there's some elusive quality about spring that just makes me happy. I love life and I don't know why I'm rambling on about this as if it matters. lol

In other news my i-pods being wacky and in light of the fact that Cornerstone and Shoreline just updated it makes me quite sad... But it's ok. =) A reason for everything. =P

My cousin is getting into tonight, she's staying for 10 days. It'll be fun. =)

Hmmmmm, my God is so, so, so good guys. =)

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

It's beautiful out.

Yes, it is. =)

Life is amazing, even if there are some things or circumstances that I would change about it if I had my way--thankgoodness I don't have my way huh? =P

If I could alter any part of His plan, I could only spoil it. - John Newton

God's plan is perfect though. Got that? lol There are times I think I get that, but then when something doesn't go my way something rises up inside of me and goes noooo, or something.

I love that quote by Newton though. Isn't it awesome? If I could change any part of his plan--I would only ruin it. I don't know if you guys know this--but spoiled things aren't normally good things. =P No, seriously though, I really need to get that. That means that all the times I mess up God is using them in His grand huge gigantic plan. That means that where I am right now--there's are a reason for it. God has a plan.

That comforting.


Monday, March 10, 2008

It's bright but I like it---so it works. =P

I guess, I better like it huh? Considering the fact, it took over an hour to pick this particular color. It didn't seem like it took that long though... Time flies when you're having fun I guess.

You may ask, "How on earth did I have fun for over an hour as I was picking out a paint color?" And that is a good question. *sheepish shrug and smile* Who knows, but I accomplished it. Actually I accomplished it quite well. =P

Green and blue are my favorite colors [I used to like green more but I think I like them the same now, well maybe I like green just a little bit more] I like them best together--but I could only pick one for my room...oh well I like it. =)

God makes everything beautiful in my...oh no, wait..his time. I just need to get this.

Ok, so I was reading this article entitled God's Beautiful Plan. I was kind of turned off but the painting of the ballerina =P-- but I read it in spite of that because I have read Dan Edelen's other stuff and almost always walk away from it having learned something. I began reading and was immediately was drawn in and loved the article. The way he applied the verse "He has made everything beautiful in His time…"—Ecclesiastes 3:11a was beautiful and really made me think.

There was one section that really really stuck out to me though and that I just dwelt on for a while.

"Anymore, I feel that my role in discipling consists of one thing: to be available for other people. Just to be there. When they struggle with an area of life, rather than me telling them, “Oh, you shouldn’t be struggling,” or “You should be doing this, this, this and this,” instead I’ll be asking , “How can I be there for you to help you become more like Jesus?

"This doesn’t mean that we don’t teach people the things they need to know. It doesn’t mean that we don’t reprove. Only that we do it in a way forged through that incalculably valuable question, “How can I be there for you to help you become more like Jesus?

Many times I shared stuff with people and gotten the first couple responses, the first one not as much, but the second one I've gotten alot along with "You shouldn't have done that, that, and that," so often when I've confessed stuff to people I get that look that says "Oh my gosh how could you do that! I can't believe you!" Now they may never say that in so many words but facial expressions are often more telling than what people actually say. I'm a perfect example of that. =P Anyways I'm kind of getting off track. I was thinking how incredibly helpful it would be for me if after I shared something with someone they would say, “How can I be there for you to help you become more like Jesus?” I mean and they weren't just saying it either. They weren't just saying it because it was the right thing to say but because they actually cared. I thought about it and thought how much that would mean to me and how much I would appreciate it. I would probably share so much with that person. Because most of the time when I share something with someone, I know what I did was wrong and I know what I should have done instead. I honestly probably don't need to be told a ton of times what an idiot I was and how I could have been smarter. I know. lol

Uh oh...conviction. Yet as much as I hate that being done to me, how many times have I been the person that uses the first couple responses? Uh oh. Ok, so maybe to my friends I don't use those two alot--but in relating to my sister or someone I consider a sibling like-- Justin =P, I'll be like "Ying why did you do that and that? You should have done this and this!" She knows that already! I don't need to tell her that, ok maybe if it's something she didn't then I should but still most of the time she knows what the problem is and what she could have done instead. How much more loving would it be for me if I was to ask her the question “How can I be there for you to help you become more like Jesus?” I mean seriously.

But yeah the article is amazing and I loved it, because not only did I get that one thing from it but a bunch of other stuff too. Like thinking about it there is a reason I am where I'm at right now. God will make me beautiful in his timing, not mine, not anyone else's. God will make other people beautiful in his timing, not mine, not theirs, not anyone else's. Ok, so I know people would say that they believe it and all that. But do we really? No, I mean really get this. Because I, wait I know in the past and I still do have a tendency to look down on certain people who just don't seem to get it or are doing stuff completely wrong and not seeming to care at all. [which I need to get over and God is quite actively pruning pride out of my life and humbling me in ways that I probably wouldn't have picked] But yeah being completely honest I do have that tendency. Or I get frustrated with people wondering why on earth they don't get stuff! ...ok, so God doesn't work on my timetables big surprise. =P No, but God is making everything beautiful in his time, not mine. Do you know how amazing that would be if I actually grasped that? I wouldn't judge self-righteously, I would stop comparing myself to other people, other people to myself, and other people to other people.


"Because when God makes all things beautiful, they are filled with a loveliness beyond our comprehension. And that’s how it should be."

Yes, it was an amazing article. [or I thought =P]

Saturday, March 8, 2008


i like this picture and thanks to the 3 people who answered my question. =P
Justin, Tyler, and Nathan thank you. Lauren, you didn't even answer my question. =P

Wednesday, March 5, 2008


I read this somewhere today and was thinking about it..

"If you were stuck on an elevator with Jesus, and knew you'd have a few hours before they could get you out...what one thing would you want to talk about?"

If you could talk to Jesus about one thing--what would it be?


If you're reading this please answer with a comment. If you don't want me to post your comment then just say so and I won't. But I'm really curious as to what you'd ask him.

The thoughts been running through my mind and I think I know what I'd ask him and want to talk to him about, actually there are a number of things. I think...

No, Justin it's not what I'm sure popped into your head about what I'd want to ask him so don't even ask. =P

letting go?

I’ve been holding on
To things like dreams that never seem to die
And I’m not so strong to lay them down
And say my goodbyes
How do you say goodbye?

If there’s a remedy
A break from all my vanity
Then I’m gonna need your help
If there’s hope for me
Pull me down to my knees
Where I’m begging for your help
To let go

It’s so unnatural
To let all that I’ve planned just slip away
But I would be a fool
To tighten up my hands and be afraid
What I need is faith

I’m walking right up to the edge
I’m bringing everything that’s left of me
I throw myself into your love
You’ll be the one to lift me up again
As I let go
I'm walking to the edge.
And I'm bringing everything with me.
It's gonna take faith and trust.
Dear God help me.

So over the last few days I've written a ton...just none that I want to post here. =P

It's been a long past few days. Oh life. =P

Lol, you know when life is going the way I want it to it's easy for me to "rejoice" but I think I tend to rejoice more in my circumstances then. It's when things aren't going my way that I find it harder to have joy. But...when I have joy in those times it's not because I like the way things are going--it's because I do have faith in my amazing God. He won't fail me. =)

God does have a plan for my life. I am the way I am right now for a reason. Things that have happened in my life happened for a reason.

If I could alter any part of His plan, I could only spoil it. - John Newton

Do I believe that? Really? If God's plan didn't match up to what I wanted my life to look like--do I believe that even if I could alter it to my liking that it wouldn't be better in the end? I think I do--but I don't believe it enough.... I really need to just release my plans, dreams and desires into God's hands. I really need to stop holding on to them like my life depends on them. My life depends on me letting them go...Letting go gaining everything. Doesn't make sense does it? Yet it's true. Let it go, God never disappoints. =)

I was a silly 16 year old. lol =P

Now playing: Grey Holiday - Let Go

Sunday, March 2, 2008

Fitting a mold or being molded?

I needed that so much. No, seriously you have no idea how much I needed that.

I got home and wrote over 2 pages on stuff that's been going on in my head that I haven't been able to sort through...

Since more people read this than I know I don't really like going in to detail on here.

So to sum it up

Am I forcing myself into a mold in an attempt to be someone else or am I allowing God to mold me into the person that He has called me to be?

I guess it seems like a pretty simple question--but it hasn't been for me.

Because see I try to hard to be like other people, and I need to stop. I mean there's nothing wrong with trying to be like other people but I wanted to be like them for the wrong reasons. I even wanted to be godly like them for the wrong reasons.

So, guys, I'm going to try my hardest to just be me, to be the person that God has called me to be and to honor him in everything I do.

I'm called to be molded-- not fit in the mold...

[sometimes it would be easier to just fit in though wouldn't it? lol]