Saturday, June 29, 2013

Wonder

This morning I padded through my house to find the door that lead outside, sat on the small brick front porch and drank in beauty.

I stretch out my legs, crossed them at the ankles, began to read and then set my book down to look, no actually see the world around me.

The ants crawling up and down the corner of the square pillar forming a moving black line, the dew that is drying up on the blades of grass, the birds and cicadas that sing, and the glorious sunshine.

Wonder can be found anywhere and everywhere, if only, if only I could open up my true eyes.

Thursday, June 27, 2013

I am feeling and being quite the sentimental girl this evening...lol, oh well.

Tomorrow's my last day with my post surgical people and I am incredibly indebted to everyone over there. I am a better person because of the people I have met and words aren't enough to convey how much I have enjoyed meeting all my people.

I'm going to miss my orthopedic, neurosurgery, and plastic surgeons, PAs, and NPs so much. I worked for two years, and not a single one ever got angry with me or yelled at me, EVER. (even when I asked 3243 questions) I was only ever treated with patience, kindness and that does not reflect at all on me but only on the character and grace they all have. They make me want to become a better healthcare provider and person.

I am going to miss the nurses and care partners who invested their lives into me, taught me so much, and made me laugh without fail everyday.

I'm going to miss my PACU people who are always awesome, everyone's favorite pharmacist James and the rest of the OR pharmacy team (who also never yelled even when I called them 3243 times a day), my house keeping people, and I'm going to miss seeing Amy who always smiles and all the rest of my room service people.

Lol, I act as if I am moving to the other end of the world, when really I am only going to the other end of the hospital. But I am going to miss seeing these people everyday.

I have been blessed to have had the opportunity to get to know all the people that I have. One of the doctors gave me a huge hug today and told me that he was going to miss me and he was thankful that I got to take care of his patients, a PA called me just to tell me that they were sad I was leaving, to let them know if I ever needed anything, and that she was going to miss me, and Ms. Linda who is one of the best room cleaners there is told me that she loved working with me and would miss me -- all those meant the world and a half to me and I wanted to cry. Because I am so lucky, I am so incredibly thankful that my life got to intersect with such a fantastic group of individuals. Thank you all.

The end.

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Religion is easier than a relationship, rules are more quantifiable than faith, chains and cages seems safer than freedom, and a small god that holds my opinion as the ultimate authority seems tamer...safer than the wild, mysterious Creator that demands all. But deep down don't we all long for something more than safe? More than comfortable? Don't we long and ache for Good?

And in the words of the wise Mr. Beaver...

“Safe?” said Mr. Beaver; “don’t you hear what Mrs. Beaver tells you? Who said anything about safe? ‘Course he isn’t safe. But he’s good. He’s the King, I tell you.”

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Words

God spoke words, real, heavy words. Word that had the power to create. Words that had mass, flavor, grace and love infused into them. 

A light pierced through the darkness and as the words tumbled from a benevolent Father and a world was born. A wet planet emerged with pieces of land springing up to break up the endless oceans, and then the Father began to create poetry. And from the poem rich green grass began to sweep over the empty plains, giant trees broke through the earth heavily laden with sweet fruits and lilies appeared with their snowy white petals. 

And the Father smiled and began to sing and as the song began, a flaming orb of fire was born with a small dusty sphere to reflect and soften its blazing light, then galaxies  began their spinning waltz, stars blazed to life, and the Father was pleased. 

The song continued and dolphins began to leap from the depths of the sea, giant squid lurked in the bottom, and shimmering microscopic creatures lay on the surface of the waters. 

A new line was started and the sparrows hopped across the ground, an albatross glided through the air, and an eagle soared in the heavens. 

With the final verse elephants began trumpeting their praise, wolves howled, and otters began to play their games. 

Then the Father paused and began a story. Dust leaped to attention and began to twist and swirl. Bones took shape; the framework that muscles began to bind to along with tendons, sinew, eyes unseeing were formed, hands fashioned with love, feet to carry the weight, a heart was carefully woven, a mind with the potential to create set just above the eyes, and silent lungs lay unmoving. And the Father smiled, leaned in close and breathed. 

Monday, June 24, 2013

Here is the bad news: I am imperfect. I lie sometimes, to both myself and others. I am inpatient and unkind far more often than I would prefer. I worry about the future instead of remembering all I have is the present. My heart wanders and my faith is shaky at best. I love myself more than others. I often forget truth and then I believe lies over and over again. And to top it all off I cast judgments out as if I am the ultimate authority and I lean towards self-righteous often.
I was dead and now I'm alive, but I often forget that...

However all is not lost for here is the good news: Jesus loves me and is awfully fond of me despite my foibles and failures, mess ups and mistakes. And here is the incredible thing, when amidst sobs I gave up trying to be good, finally shed the mask of trying to appear like I had it all together, and just started running after Him who loved me no matter what... much to my amazement I got better anyways.

Grace, is not a past tense verb for me. Yes, amazing grace saved me, but the astonishing truth is that grace is saving me still. I was blind and I do now see, but only in part because daily I wake up and see new things hidden in plain sight all around me.

Hourly, I have to remind myself to peel back the old, cynical, adult scales that cover my eyes, rip and slash through the cynical hide that threatens to cloak my heart and see the glory that surrounds me. And then I notice the way sunlight plays on the water like a hundred impish frolicking fairies, the way the trees bend in the wind like they are just longing for the freedom to chase after it, I can revel in the resplendent sunshine that warms my soul as well as my skin, see the dandelions as the pieces of sunshine that they are, lay down in the thick cool shade of a towering oak to rest and remember that I am a child who is greatly loved and I often I take myself much too seriously, and then, then I smile.

Us and Them

Why must it always be 'Them' or 'Us', 'Either', 'Or', and never both?

I am a both girl.

I enjoy wearing pretty clothes, wearing make-up occasionally but I also revel in donning basketball shorts and ginormous t-shirts. I enjoy the laughter and fellowship with my people but I also covet my alone time spent curled up in the corner of the couch. I appreciate walking into houses that are nicely kept but I also enjoy walking into houses that have so much life that it's caused some chaos that takes the form of spilled juice on the counter and toys strewn about the floor.

I love warm sunshine but I also love cold, clear nights when the stars seem to lean in just a little bit closer. Clear blue skies make me happy, however, furious raging thunder heads fill me with wonder as well. Eating the colors of the rainbow in fruits and vegetables is delightful but warm cinnamon rolls and cheesecake also remind me of grace.

There is wonder to be found everywhere my dear friends. There is glory all around if we could just take a moment and pray for the eyes to see it. Ever person is important, from the well dressed business man to the man who tries to fill his empty place with alcohol--we all long for something to fill us up. We all long for rest, affirmation and love.

And He sings, "You are enough, you can stop trying so hard. Why? Because you are loved."

Sand



This is what sand looks like up close, really, really close up. 

That coarse, irritating, and mundane sand holds a beauty that can simply not be seen with the naked eye.

And this is where my head when I as I contemplated this picture:

Many sermon analogies and life lessons have told us to consider the oyster. The oyster who, when a piece of sand find it's way past it's hard shell sets to work creating a beautiful pearl. Those messages encourage us to be like an oyster and turn our bad circumstance into something of beauty.

But looking at this picture, it seems to be that even the irritating, mundane, and even painful pieces of sand hold their own beauty. It is just we are too big and they are too small for us to see the glory without the help of a powerful microscope. 

Could it be that this is indicative our of lives? That even the painful things have a beauty that is hidden from our blind eyes? Even the mess, confusion, chaos, and ashes hold a potential for glory that is hidden by the foggy glass from which we view the world? 

Perhaps in heaven I will lean down to examine the story of the world with my Father and then in a moment I will see. Really see for the first time. See the beauty and the glory. When I am able to finally see behind the curtain majesty will overwhelm me. Completely.

Good news

Here is the bad news: I am imperfect. I lie sometimes, to both myself and others. I am inpatient and unkind far more often than I would like. My heart wanders and my faith is shaky at best. I love myself more than others. I often forget truth and then I believe lies over and over again. And to top it all off I cast judgements out as if I am the ultimate authority and I lean towards self-righteous often. I was dead and now I'm alive, but I often forget that...

However all is not lost for here is the good news: Jesus loves me and is awfully fond of me despite my foibles and failures, mess ups and mistakes. And here is the incredible thing, when admits sobs I gave up trying to be good, finally shed the mask of trying to appear like I had it all together, and just started running after Him who loved me no matter what... much to my amazement I got better anyways.

Grace, is not a past tense verb for me. Yes, amazing grace saved me, but the astonishing truth is that grace is saving me still. I was blind and I do now see, but only in part because daily I wake up and see new things hidden in plain sight all around me.

Hourly, I have to remind myself to peel back the old, cynical, adult scales that cover my eyes, rip and slash through the cynical hide that threatens to cloak my heart and see the glory that surrounds me. And then I notice the way sunlight plays on the water like a hundred impish frolicking fairies, the way the trees bend in the wind like they are just longing for the freedom to chase after it, I can revel in the resplendent sunshine that warms my soul as well as my skin, see the dandelions as the pieces of sunshine that they are, lay down in the thick cool shade of a towering oak to rest and remember that I am a child who is greatly loved and I far too often I take myself much too seriously.

Saturday, June 22, 2013

I think I'm going to throw up

This is me being honest.

I decide to match donations to Cure up to $3,000 for my birthday. And while people thought I had faith--I honestly didn't really. I figured that I could come up with half and I knew my parents would probably donate a huge chunk at the end. I calculated and figured it out.

And then I'm sitting at work yesterday and I feel like I'm suppose to donate $10,000 dollars. I write up a thing, and then convince myself out of it.

Tonight talk with my mom and decide I'm going to do it--but feel like I should give $3,000 to four different organizations and so I figure out, CURE, Rise up, Children's Hunger Fund, and Show Hope. And then, I remember Casa de Gozo. And I try and figure out how I can divide up $12,000 by five and I hear a whisper, "I want it all..." And I hesitate for a moment because 15,000 is all I have in the bank. It gives me no margin. It's all the money that I have and I wanted to keep some, because I feel as if it is mine. "I earned it-I worked hard for it, it's mine" the little person inside me whispers.

But this God I love, He is jealous for me and He wants my whole heart. He is not safe for He is raging and wild, terrible and beautiful, holy and laughing, box breaking and earth shattering, but oh He's good. My Jesus, He's so so good.

And I want Him so bad, I can feel it aching in my bones.

And forget the fact I'm not promised tomorrow, I'm not promised the next moment. I could die right here. My heart could beat for a last time, my hands stop this clicking of keys, and I could exhale for the final time.

And I don't want treasure here.

I haven't done this sooner because honestly I was scared. Terrified.

I like plans. Safe plans. Comfortable plans. Plans that involve retirement and having a nicely padded savings account. Plans that wrap me in a wonderfully soft blanket of false security.

Fear of the unknown sinks her talons deep within my soul whispering that I can't do this, it's irresponsible and stupid.

These demons that hunt and stalk me--they know my weaknesses.

They know how much I covet and cherish people's opinion and they whisper until the fear paralyzes me.

"They will laugh at me, they will think I'm stupid, they will think I'm being ridiculous and crazy and then...", and my thoughts spiral out of control and I am incapacitated and am unable to do anything.

I cling to the things I know to be true, like a man in the middle of a furious rolling ocean clings to a raft.

And these are the things I know to be true.

I am loved and this is worth it.

Wednesday, June 19, 2013

There are days that I want my life to always be bright and sunshiny; kind of like Normal Rockwell painting. Yet, I know deep down in my soul that there is glory to be had in the struggle and there is beauty in redemption.

I love the conflict in a story, the happily ever after is sweeter after the tragedies, light shines the brightest in the darkest of times, and the tale that is being spun here on this small blue planet, well, it is the most breathtaking story of all.

Lovely would still be lovely even if ugly didn't exist and good would still be good if depravity had never entered the scene...but there is something that resonates in the spinning a beauty that born from ashes.

Life is a gift. My life is a gift. Every breath that enters my lungs, every beat of my heart, and every cell in my body that obeys a voice I can't hear - it's all a gift.

(Side note: I am sorry that I post everyday. But I can't help myself - I think an inordinate amount and you all have to pay the price.)

Ache


All night this thought was perculating in my head, "I am the sum of failing and of grace" 

It's starting to sink into my stiff heart, that thought. The heart that secretly likes to believe the lie that my culture whispers to the likes of me. "You are what you are and where you are in life because of you." "You worked hard, you made a few good, responsible, mature decisions and this is why life is working out."

This pull yourself up by your bootstraps thought process and God only helps those that help themselves mentality is woven into my very being-and severing it is painful.

All I am is a gift. I am where I am has nothing to do with me. NOTHING.

Did I have a hand in being born? Did I decided that I wanted to be born into the richest country in history of this world? Did I choose my gifts? Did I have any part in choosing to be born into the family I am in? Did I decide what sequence my DNA would take? Did I conclude that I was not to be born with any physical disabilities?
 
The answer that echos through my heart and reverberates on my soul is a resounding, "No."
 
I had no part in the story that was woven that has brought me to this point.
 
I could have been born in a landfill in Lema, Peru, I could have been born to parents who abandon me simply because I am a girl, I could have been born with AIDS on to the red dirt in Africa.
 
Life is a gift. Every breath that enters my lungs, every beat of my heart, it's all a gift.
 
I twist the ring on my finger and I am angry and I ache.
 
I ache because I so easily forget this. I often get angry at the apathy and indifference that pervades this America brand of Christianity, but the truth is, I am apathetic and indifferent. I love my comfort more than I love Christ most of the time. The materlism that I hate, I also love. I want my life here to be safe and comfortable. I yearn for security and acceptance. I want don't want people to hate me. I'd rather have the applause of my peers than of the heavens.
 
I want to fight the darkness in the world but I find the darkness is in me. To fight the darkness is to fight myself. I am Eustace clothed in a dragon's skin fearing the pain it will take to shed it.
 
Even writing this I wonder if I'll ever publicly post it because lets just be honest, I'd rather look like I always have it together. I don't want to admit that my family has real problems; that I have real problems.
 
I want my life to look as bright and sunshiney as a Normal Rockwell painting. Yet I know deep down in my soul that there is glory in the struggle. There is a beauty in redemption. I love the conflict in a story, the happily ever after is sweeter after the fight. Lovely would still be lovely even if ugly didn't exist, but there is something that resonates about beauty born from ashes.
 
Yet, I balk when the conflict enters my life. I'd rather erase all the dark lines I don't understand and all the seemingly needless pain and heartache that exists in the world. I see through a glass darkly and I don't like it. I long for home and it's not here yet and it makes me ache.

Monday, June 17, 2013

This may be me being too honest

Brant posed this question the other day,  "While I'm thankful for friends who are 'concerned' about my singleness, if someone tells me _________ one more time, my head may explode." and I was thinking about it.

Most people feel the need to reassure me that I am not going to be single forever. "Oh, don't worry you'll get married.", "I can't wait to see God write your love story.", and the ever popular "I can't understand why are you are still single."

And all those comments just bother me.

I think I could get a boyfriend, if all I wanted was some guy I thought was cute and would hold my hand during scary movies--but I want more than that. Tim Keller put it this way, “Falling in love in a Christian way is to say,'I am excited about your future and I want to be part of getting you there. I'm signing up for the journey with you. Would you sign up for the journey to my true self with me? It's going to be hard but I want to get there.” And that is what I want. The last six months of my life have just been crazy, one crazy story after another and I've never had more joy and I've never felt more alive--and if I am going to be in a "relationship" it's got to be with some guy who wants adventure, life, joy, and love too.

Here is the down low people-I am enjoying life, right where I am at this moment in time.

Because I have a promise. It's not a promise that guarantees that I will ever get married. It's not a promise that I will not have pain. It's not a promise that I will never suffer or walk through valleys filled with shadows all around me. It's not a promise that I will never be lonely.

It's so much better than all of that.

It's a promise that no matter what happens, no matter how I feel--I will never be alone. It's a promise that each breath I take into my lungs actually matters. It's a promise that assures me that a life full of adventure waits on the other side of my fear.

And sorry kids, but I don't need a boy for my life to complete.

And God is writing my love story-the love story is that a Prince left his Kingdom to find me, nothing could stop His great love, and He has captured my heart. It may not happen in this life but one day I will be at a feast and a wedding :)







Sunday, June 16, 2013

God is Love.

I was thinking yesterday about how we like to categorize everything. ...how I like to categorize everything. And how that bleeds into how I view Jesus. I grew up learning beautiful truths like, "God is love." And I immediately start to pour all of my preconceived notions about what love is, into how and what I think God should be.

And I've been learning ever so slowly that God most certainly is love. But love is much bigger and broader and wider and fuller and better than I ever began to imagine.

 Jesus is the love fully realized. And I think we like to tame Him down a little bit, we picture a Him sitting on a stone with children surrounding him and healing the blind and the lame, but if we stop there we are missing it. He is also the man that tore into the temple flipping tables and cracking a whip. And He is love incarnate. He is wild and free and dangerous but He is good. Oh, He is so good.

I can never box Him up or understand Him completely but oh, I love Him.

This day for Fathers.

Happy Fathers Day to one of the best dad's around.
I am incredibly thankful for the time, energy, and love he has invested into me over the past twenty-two years. We've clashed a little in years past because we are vastly different and yet very much the same but I wouldn't change a thing. Here is to growing up and finding out you're more like your father than you ever realized :)

Saturday, June 15, 2013

Random

After mowing the lawn and grabbing a much needed shower I ran to my car and went to the bank.

Holy shiza batman. Everyone was in an incredibly sour mood. The patrons mind you, not the staff.

The staff were incredibly kind and gracious attempting to explain why they had to do things a certain way but  two people literally stormed out of the bank huffing and puffing because they were cranky and impatient. The bewildered and tired faces of the tellers made me sad. And I was sad for the people who were so rude and colored the very beginning of their day with such ugly colors.

I was wearing my tank top from Sevenly that says, "Someone is Praying for the Things You Take for Granted" and that helped give me some perspective. The sun is shining, I am breathing, I am alive, and the world is still turning around. I have a vehicle that I was able to drive to the bank and I have money in the bank. I am rich and blessed in a million different ways.

When my turn comes I walk up to the teller, toss an easy smile at her, ask if she wouldn't mind helping me withdraw some money and thank her for being at the bank on a Saturday. A real smile creeps up on her face and she says she would love to.

Be the character you would admire in a story.


Consider the Dandelion



I awoke early on this Saturday morning to mow the lawn. I cut short the lives of the many sunny yellow heads that were scattered profusely in the yard.

And as salty beads of sweat collected on my eyelashes I considered the dandelion.

I could learn a lot from this small, hardy, piece of sunshine. No matter how many times I come with roaring metal blades to sever what little beauty this plant holds as it's own--it never gives up. It doesn't give in to hopelessness and just acquiesce to the pain. No, the dandelion digs it's roots deep into the soil and with sunshine and water works on creating beauty once again.

And when the time comes for it to pass on and it's bright gold turns to soft gray...well then it scatters it's life into the wind. And in dying the dandelion multiplies the amount of sunshine that we see scattered throughout the world. 


Friday, June 14, 2013

I would not have created such a dangerous, furiously loving, paradigm shifting, rule breaking, wild, servant, feet washing, raw, untame, story telling, table turning, box breaking, boat rockin, riddle speaking, donkey riding, authority challenging, homeless, laughing, and weeping Rabbi who thrummed with so much life and was a friend of sinners.
And this ladies and gentleman is why I love Him so.

Thursday, June 13, 2013

Grace and Love

I was just sitting here at my parents house and my mom is crying and I'm thinking.

How I don't understand love. How I don't understand grace. I can't put love and grace into boxes. They are beautifully mind-bending and at times heart-breaking. They frustrate me because I cannot categorize or crush them enough to fit into a neat, clean, and safe box.

It frustrates me because they never play by the rules I think they should and they never fit into any formula that I try and make them bend to.

And I love that.

They are much too messy and big and raw and rough and uncontrollable and real to be something that I could have created in my own little head.

They don't play by my rules and as furious I get that I can't control them--I am so thankful that I can't.

This is why I believe in Yahweh. Jesus is a thrumming, living, dangerous, loving, furious, wild, and real person that has come plowing into my life and I will never be the same.

I believe in Jesus because I would have not created a King like this in my own head. I would not give grace to everyone and I would focus more on works than love. I would not love myself as I am. I want to earn what I have...but dead people can't save themselves. I would not have created such a dangerous, furiously loving, wild, uncontrollable, thrumming with life, Rabbi.

And this is why I love Him with every fiber of my being.
After telling Ms. Sandra about the wonderful insanity that has been my life the past few months. She told me, "Well, it looks like giving is working out well for you." I inquired what she meant. And she spoke words over me that I want to hold onto and remember as long as I can, "Ming, your so happy it's written all over your face. And when you talk about it you have joy that's palpable."

Kids, give. And it will be given back to you filling you up and running over. You may never have the best this world has to offer-but you will have something so much better. Give your resources, your time, your laughter and smiles, your gifts and talents, give away your very heart and give away your life. And I promise the joy that will be poured into your soul will be uncontainable. Have a heart soft enough that it can be broken and given away. I don't promise it will be easy. I don't promise you'll be comfortable or pain free- but I do promise it will be worth it.

Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Conversation with an dear old neighbor Ms. Sandra who is in town for the evening (my mom became friends with her after she gave my mom a ride to the hospital when she was in labor with me)

Sandra: "I'm glad you got this job because someone was telling me you were trying to run away to other countries."

Me: "Haha, well I was trying to get a job doing that with Cure, but I need more experience...and I feel like this is where I am suppose to be...so here I am for now."

Sandra: "Oh, good because you're twenty-two and I know you feel grown up but you're still your mama's baby-and you don't need to be going places dodging bullets and getting leprosy right now."

Lol, I died laughing.

Monday, June 10, 2013

Sometimes I Forget Who I am

I glance in the mirror and I see a young girl look back at me.
A girl who's flaws are evident and many.
A girl with a million and one insecurities, one who is full of opposing juxtapositions, and is so incredibly far off from where she wants to be.

I sit down to peruse my old ramblings as an even young girl and I remember.

I read what I believed when I was seventeen and the girl that I use to be pulls me in. Her words warm me and fill me up. The words that she wrote challenge me and remind me who I am. This is who I am.

I am loved.

I was lost.
But now I am found.
I was dead.
But now I am alive.
To live is Christ and to die is but gain.

Love is here.
Love is here.

Run in the streets and dance because Love has arrived, Love stepped into the story and his name is Jesus. The God of the Universe, the Composer of this song, the Artist of the painting, the Author of this story that surrounds us, donned flesh and cloaked Himself in the skin of humanity to give us life. Fully man and fully divine. What a glorious mystery.

We so desperately needed saving. This world needs a Savior...I need a Savior.

Selfishness, hate, contempt, deceit, scars, pain, and tears were my lot in life until He stepped it. Jesus got down on a knee, lifted my head that was bent in shame, looked at the broken mess that I was and smiled. Smiled at me. He loved me. He loves me. And this is why I dance.

He loved me right from where I was at and that loved changed my life. I am His forever, wherever He leads I want to follow. My lips whisper forming words without sound. "Jesus, give me more of You. Please..."

Open your eyes to the glory that surrounds you.

I drove down the twisted road under an overcast sky this morning and I allowed my eyes to drink in the words that are surrounding me. Words that have more depth than these marks that I type could ever begin to capture.

A huge draping willow tree that bends down to kiss the ground, towering oak trees that have a hundred shades of green hiding in their branches, slender bending poplars, and elegant horses grazing quietly in sweeping grassy fields. Thankfulness is beginning to spill out of my heart, and then I see it. I glide past a barbed wire fence and my eyes catch a small flash of brilliant yellow adding a cheery golden comma to the world. God, thank you for creating golden finches.



Wednesday, June 5, 2013

My name is Ming,
I'm a little off kilter, a little strange, and a lot nerdy. I am not a fan of huge groups of people - I'd rather be home reading, but I cherish my close friends-introvert though I am. I read books as if they are essential for life and I have made friends with all the flavors of the wind. I am an idealist, I long for things to be redeemed and made right. I'm not very good at small talk and I am a fan of watermelon and laughter. I'm an over thinker and I have been told I apologize far more than I should. I am easy going but I can be stubborn from time to time. I was worse off than I could ever begun to imagine and I am more deeply loved than I ever dared to hope.
And more than anything I don't want to waste my life and I want to make a difference.

Open Letter



I don't know much about you; I don't know what your favorite color is, if you like crunchy or smooth peanut butter. I don't know what makes you laugh until you can't breath. I don't know if you'd rather breathe in salty ocean air or walk in the crisp mountain air. And I don't why you cry alone in bed some nights and I don't know what makes your heart sing.

There are lots of things I don't. But I do know somethings about you. I know deep in my bones that you are cherished beyond comprehension and that you are beautiful. You are loved-deeply loved. Just as you are.right. now.

In the midst of your brokeness, pain, scars, doubts, fear, and crap. You. are. loved.


All the things that you hear echoing through your very soul that say this all there is to life, that you will never be anything of worth, and that you can fill the void that sits in the middle of your chest with anything other than Jesus--they are all lies.

You are loved and because of that you are valuable. And that value doesn't decreased based upon somebody's inablity to see your worth...even when that somebody is you. 

So, if there is one thing I could tell you and prayed that you believe with all you are it's this: You are beautiful just as you are, you are deeply loved right at this moment, and you can be free-oh, so gloriously free. So let this truth sink down deep down into your very bones and learn how wonderful the dance of life is when you are free.

Love,
Ming

Monday, June 3, 2013

Queen of England


Had a conversation with a friend a few days ago and we were talking and somehow Queen Elizabeth came up (don't ask me how because I really don't know lol). She offhandedly said, "Oh, if only she would pick up for the cause of Human Trafficking, imagine all the good she could do." I sat there for a moment and then a thought came to me and I replied, "What if you and I really picked up the cause. Imagine what we could do. Imagine if we really started living as if caring for the least of these was one of the most important things that we could accomplish in our lives."

And then it got really quiet.

Here are the facts ladies and gentleman. It starts with me. It's not my brother, not my sister, not my mother, not my father. It's me oh Lord that stands in the need of prayer. It's my life that I am responsible for, what I use my time and energy and resources those are things that I can influence--those are the choices that I make.

Sunday, June 2, 2013

What's wrong? I am.


“Dear Sir: Regarding your article 'What's Wrong with the World?' I am. Yours truly,” 
― G.K. Chesterton

This world is a beautiful place, but it also broken. Oh, so very broken.

And ladies and gentleman it starts with me. I wield words like weapons and use them to hurt instead of heal. I am usually selfish, impatient, and prideful all before I even fully wake up in the morning. I have been complacent and apathetic so many times in so many ways. 
What's wrong with the world? I am.

And if the story ended there I don't know what I would do...

Take Heart...


Sometimes life wells up all around you and it just gets overwhelming...or at very least I get overwhelmed. The world is a beautiful place, but ugly things live right alongside beauty. 

Babies are buried every day, suicides must be cleaned up, mothers cry, starvation is a horrible reality, cancer is not just a nightmare, tornadoes decimate entire cities, and walls of water wipe out entire coastlines. 

And people you love make choices that will hurt them and other. People run far from the very One who would save them...and my heart aches. 

I was driving in the car this morning and I struggled to believe the words floating from the speakers into the air around me "You do all things well". Sometimes life is enough to make me doubt the things I know deep in my bones to be true...

A prayer escapes my lips, a prayer born of desperation and longing. A brutally honest prayer that admits right now; I doubt in this moment. I doubt that my prayers goes anywhere above the sheet of metal that sits above my head, I wonder if my whispered words make a difference at all.

I grip to God with hands that are full of questions and doubt.

Oh God, I believe but help my unbelief.

The words of John 16 drift down around me. "In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

And I remembered. I remembered that my God loves and is working on redeeming all of this broken mess. There is no pain, sorrow, sin, or life that is beyond His love and care.

I don't know how this story that is being written right now will play out exactly--but I know the end of this worlds story.

And He the maker of all things good--He wins.

I don't even know exactly why I am typing these words right now...

I don't know what you are going through, I don't know your story-but I do know the One who is writing it. He loves working beauty from broken things. He loves redeeming the ugliness. He brings life from ashes. And yes, the world is overwhelming but I know that He has overcome this broken world and is at work setting everything right.

Even when I can't understand and can't possibly see how this is going to work; I do know He is working all things together for my good and His glory.. And right now in this moment that is enough for me. 

Saturday, June 1, 2013

Why Do I Love to Read?

I've been with Lucy as she buried her hands into Aslan's mane and heard Him roar, journeyed with Bilbo to find a dragon and then later adventured with Frodo to destroy a band of gold, I've been to the back of the north wind with little Diamond, with Wendy flying through the air with Peter to Neverland, sat in the little log cabin with Laura Ingalls, stood on the edge Dark Sea of Darkness with Janner Igiby, I've ran through the woods and reveled in the beauty of the world with Anne Shirley, I've been with Henry York as he traveled through a hundred cupboards, built a treehouse with the Robinson family, I've ridden on the back of a wild black stallion with Alec, sought revenge with Edmond Dantès, I've cried with Jo when lovely Beth died, given freely to the poor with Robin Hood. I've sailed on the high seas with Fin Button, journeyed deep into the earth, climbed towering mountains and frolicked in beautiful meadows, and I've loved every beautiful minute of it all. 

Why I love to read? This is why. To all the libraries, bookstores used and new, to all the authors who spin beautiful stories; thank you for all the adventures that I've been on and all the ones that I will have in the future.

Desperation.


Sometimes life wells around you and it just gets overwhelming...or at very least I get overwhelmed. The world is a beautiful place, but ugly things are prevalent too. Babies are buried every day, suicides must be cleaned up, mothers cry, starvation is a horrible reality, cancer is not just a nightmare, tornadoes decimate entire cities, and walls of water wipe out entire coastlines.

I see the ugliness in me. I am impatient, not loving, and selfish. Words slip out of my mouth that cut like swords-and they hurt instead of heal. It's enough to make a girl become overwhelmed.

So I run, I clamber into my car and drive no where in particular. I struggle to believe the words floating from the speakers into the air around me "You do all things well". Sometimes life is enough to make me doubt the things I know deep in my bones to be true...

Just after midnight I find myself at a 24 hour coffee house in Charlotte and I find a soft arm chair...and I sit and pray.

A prayer escapes my lips, a prayer born of desperation and longing. A brutally honest prayer that I doubt in this moment, I doubt that my prayers go anywhere above the roof that sits above my head, I wonder if my whispered words make a difference at all.

Oh God, I believe but help my unbelief.
I have faith but I need you to give me faith.

It is in these moments when I am reminded afresh that I cannot do this on my own.

If I couldn't save myself in the first place-why do I think I could do it now?

I breathe in, I breathe out and then I remember...
I was dead until Jesus breathed upon me.
I cannot save people, that's not my job.
I can only love them.
Because I am loved.
I am loved
I am loved.