Friday, November 30, 2007

He who is forgiven much loves much....

It's late. I'm tired, I have a headache, and I'm sick of Biology notes.

On the flip side! I read this really really good article today---it's well worth the 5 minutes it would take to read it.
Gauging Spiritual Growth

I just stopped by Miltons Blog and he referred me to a short questionnaire to help determine one’s spiritual growth. I agree with Milton in his general wariness of stuff like that. At the same time, I’m very interested in the topic: shepherding well involves a lot of judgment calls as to how people are growing spiritually, because if you care for them and want to help them grow you have to see if they’re growing in the first place.

When I think about quantifying spiritual growth in the Bible, I vacillate towards 1 John. While it talks predominantly about assurance, this assurance tends to be grounded in the overarching pattern of spiritual growth in the believer (1 John 2:28; also 2:4-6, 24-27, 3:10, 18-19; 5:13). We preached through this book a year and a half ago when we first planted Shoreline, and I remember constantly telling people that to have confidence in their salvation they need to look back and see how God has molded them more into the image of Christ over the long haul. Most people would get bogged down in a bad week, or even a bad day they had, and would start to lose confidence. But John kept pointing us to the larger pattern of our lives to show that God was indeed at work within us, even though the journey had hills and valleys.

This was good for everyone—me especially—but as we went I realized that this approach is very general and works with a lot of externals. And after we wrapped up the book, I started to wonder what spiritual growth looked like from an autobiographical point of view. While the pattern of my life did give me assurance that the Spirit was at work, how was I to view that? How would I know I was maturing spiritually from the inside, on a more daily and internal basis?

I found my answer in the experiences of Paul. It’s kind of funny how intensely personal he gets in his epistles, especially given that they ended up as scripture. The guy wore his heart on his sleeve, and God put that in scripture for us to follow. That’s a whole other post. But as you watch Paul grow you see a distinct pattern emerge: In 1 Corinthians 15:9, he refers to himself as the “least of the apostles.” Later, in Ephesians 3:8, he calls himself the “least of all the saints.” Finally, as an older man, Paul calls himself the foremost of sinners (1 Timothy 1:15).

It seems as though, from the inside, the way you quantify your spiritual growth is by how aware you are of your sin.

This tends to run counter to the way evangelicals like to run things: everything is always great, everyone is always growing, everyone is sinning less and less every day, or so we tell ourselves and each other. But if Paul is any indicator, your growth in Christ is measured not by how you feel less and less sinful, but how you feel more and more sinful. A growing awareness and despair over your sin marks true growth in the believer. And I don’t think it’s too far to say that using any other standard to judge our internal growth is a step towards legalism. That isn’t to say that the questionnaire above is unbiblical, or that taking stock of the way you live out your faith isn’t important - the Bible is clear that it is (James 2:14-17). But it is to say that, from inside our own heads, we shouldn’t be proud that we feel more holy every day. We should repent of our pride and lack of growth. We know we’re on the right track if, every day, we wake up and find more sin when we thought we’d already exhausted our capacity for itwhich will force us to our knees in humble repentance and to our feet in joyful reception of the grace to be found in the blood of Christ. As we grow in awareness of sin, so too we will grow in joy for the gospel: he who is forgiven little loves little (Luke 7:47). And so, at the end of the day, God gets more glory as our only hope for salvation and joy in a sin-stained world, created by sin-stained hearts like our own.

You can't read that without praising and thanking God. =)

I knew all of this but it really, really struck me this time.

It was so encouraging for me to read.

To easily do I get discouraged when I am made aware of a new sin or in some way it's brought to my attention that a current sin issues goes deeper than I ever thought possible.

But the fact is that-- I'm going to be sinful until the day I die and reach heaven. Now that doesn't mean that I don't fight it vehemently or shouldn't feel any remorse when I do sin. Yet I need to realize maybe feeling holy isn't what I should be striving for...I put way to much stock in what I'm feeling--just because I sinful doesn't mean I'm far from God and just because I feel holy doesn't mean I'm close with fact if anything it's probably the opposite...

And when I'm made more acutely aware of how sinful I am-- it should drive me towards God, not away from him. It should drive me towards the ONLY One who can save me. It should drive me to more genuine prayer and sweeter worship....

He is my only hope.

I love Him.

And guys don't think it's a big deal on my part that I love Him, please don't....the only reason I love much is because I was forgiven much, the reason I love is because I was loved. Much more than I could ever love...

Anyways I can't write well at all and for that I'm sorry. But I hope you guys know that I really mean this....

Alright it's late -- love you all. Goodnight.

Thursday, November 29, 2007

Brian Colmery

"It's not about politics, it's not about Greek or Hebrew, it's not about money or the lack of it. It's not about space, or amount of time spent in prayer, or promise rings or bracelets or tatoos of verses in the original languages around your calves. It's not about freeing yourself from legalism and boozing it up over the weekend, it's not about running into the arms of the black and white from a life of overindulging. It's not about being able to explain the trinity, deliver a perfect three point alliterated sermon, or give stunning rendition of the four spiritual laws. It's not about being a dispensational calvinist evangelical (gasp!) and it's not about being some stupid amassment of contradictions ("I'm a liberal/conservative/green party/independant" who ends up not even putting a vote out there).

It's about Jesus. And me. Forever in that order. And all the other stuff may be important, or it may be incredibly inconsequential, but one thing is for sure: it will always be secondary."

One ambition...

If to distant lands I scatter
If I sail to farthest seas
Would you find and firm and gather 'til I only dwell in Thee?
If I flee from greenest pastures
Would you leave to look for me?
Forfeit glory to come after
'Til I only dwell in Thee

If my heart has one ambition
If my soul one goal to seek
This my solitary vision 'til I only dwell in Thee
That I only dwell in Thee
'Til I only dwell in Thee

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

When I can't feel you, I have learned to reach out just the same

In age and feebleness extreme,
Who shall a helpless worm redeem?
Jesus! my only hope thou art,
Strength of my failing flesh and heart;
O could I catch one smile from thee,
And drop into eternity!
[Charles Wesley wrote amazing hymns ^ that one on his death]
[See/listen below]
Justin, see maybe I'm not completely whacked. =P Most of you probably don't know what I'm talking about.
Just ask me about it sometime. You probably won't understand--but that's ok. Not many people do. =P

In other news... I've come to the conclusion that "readitif-youwant" just isn't working for me. So I need ideas for a new name. Please? Oh and if I do decide to change my name let me know if you want it.

School calls. Love you all.
Listen (cause he loves God.): Brian Colmery - What Does it all Mean? Intimacy with God, pt. 2

Monday, November 26, 2007

When the world has fallen out from under me
I'll be found in you, still standing
When the sky rolls up and mountains fall on their knees
When time and space are through
I'll be found in you

When the world has fallen out from under me
I'll be found in you, still standing
Every fear and accusation under my feet
when time and space are through
I'll be found in you

Dreary--- look up the word in the dictionary and you'd probably see today.

Saturday, November 24, 2007


Lauren is home.
She is coming to Crossway tomorrow.
God loves me.
Life is good. =)
Now playing: Brooke Fraser - Deciphering me

Friday, November 23, 2007


There's one thing that scares me. Ok, so there's more than one thing that scares me. But one thing that does scare me; Is that people would define Christianity by me instead of me being defined by my Christianity. Does that make sense? I was listening to What Does it All Mean? Intimacy With God then I read this article. The article was about the movie The Golden Compass and it's author Philip Pullman. You probably have heard of this movie and how it's a blatantly bashes Christianity.

What caught my eye in the article was this quote by Pullman, "Atheism suggests a degree of certainty that I'm not quite willing to accede. I suppose technically, you'd have to put me down as an agnostic. But if there is a God, and he is as the Christians describe him, then he deserves to be put down and rebelled against. As you look back over the history of the Christian church, it's a record of terrible infamy and cruelty and persecution and tyranny. How they have the bloody nerve to go on Thought for the Day and tell us all to be good when, given the slightest chance, they'd be hanging the rest of us and flogging the homosexuals and persecuting the witches." *wince* What I hate about that is that it's so true. Grant it the true Christ centered Church would not do those things --- but through out the ages men have misused the name of our Savior... Hitler called himself a Christian...

And sometimes I'm scared to call myself a Christian because I don't want people to equate Christianity to me, I don't want to define it for them. Because frankly I'm a huge mess and my life is the same. Now I understand that I shouldn't worry about that, that God is bigger than me. Oh I know this in my head. But there's still that quiet voice in my head that tells me that I could screw it up. It's so easy to be distracted by my sin, failures, and screw ups.

I mean like sure it's cool handing out tracks or going door to door. But actually having close non-Christian friends? Who are involved in my life and see me day to day....that scares me. I mean I'd almost rather mess up around my Christian friends. They understand that we all mess up and they aren't going to define their faith by the way that I live. But people who aren't Christians---they'll hear me talk about loving others like I love myself, then see me degrade a person. They'll hear me talk about how great my God is and how amazing joy is....but then they'll see that I get down like everyone else. And there are countless other examples.

Does any of this make sense?

Then----did I ever tell you how much I love the Bible? =) It's sooo chock full of people who are screw ups....just like me. Yet God loved them....Oh do you get this guys? Think of Peter. Rock of the Church. Also denied Christ 3 times. Think of David. Lier, adulterer...murderer. Yet God equates Himself to him! He called him a man after His own heart. This is unbelievably comforting to me. How can my God be this good...

I'm going to put my faith in Him.... I'm going to stop fretting and worrying about screwing up. I'm going to screw up. I know this. But my God is so much bigger than me...even bigger than my sin.

Hebrews 11:32-39
And what more shall I say? I do not have time to tell about Gideon, Barak, Samson, Jephthah, David, Samuel and the prophets, 33who through faith conquered kingdoms, administered justice, and gained what was promised; who shut the mouths of lions, 34quenched the fury of the flames, and escaped the edge of the sword; whose weakness was turned to strength; and who became powerful in battle and routed foreign armies. 35Women received back their dead, raised to life again. Others were tortured and refused to be released, so that they might gain a better resurrection. 36Some faced jeers and flogging, while still others were chained and put in prison. 37They were stoned; they were sawed in two; they were put to death by the sword. They went about in sheepskins and goatskins, destitute, persecuted and mistreated— 38the world was not worthy of them. They wandered in deserts and mountains, and in caves and holes in the ground.

39These were all commended for their faith, yet none of them received what had been promised. 40God had planned something better for us so that only together with us would they be made perfect.

Thursday, November 22, 2007

Thankful. (really long.)

It's good to have a day to sorta pull back and look at how richly God has blessed me this day, week, month, year....errr my life for that matter. Hopefully I do this more than once a year though...

Things I am thankful for...

First and foremost--- God loving me-- for being Love. That perfect eternal Love... And the actions that, that Love brought about. The Savior. The rescuing. The saving. Full atonement...Can it be? Yes, it can. =) May I never, ever, ever, ever, get over it.

Second--- Prayer and worship. And I don't mean this in sort of a fake way. I'm dead serious. I love being able to talk with my God. Seriously. And worship in a way to thank him for alllll he's done. And I really mean that.

Third--- Trials. God had foreordained for me to go through them and I'm thankful for them. Now grant it I know that other people have had a far more trying year than I have had. Still my dad was arrested and kinda having all my 'security' stripped away wasn't something I'd planned on. And we're still dealing with stuff from that. Then there was something else...yeah. That stretched me probably the most. Everything for a reason though right? =) And then there were a bunch of other misc things that sprouted up. It's been a full year. I'm so thankful for what I've learned or come to grasp in a deeper way. 1. Falling in love with God is the most important thing. 2. Love people. 3. My roots of joy and satisfaction must be found completely in him. 4. Worrying is completely worthless. Just to name a few.

God takes away the world, that the heart may cleave more to Him in sincerity.
—Thomas Watson

Not to be afflicted is a sign of weakness; for, therefore God imposeth no more on me, because he sees I can bear no more.

—Joseph Hall

Fourth--- My parents. I can't tell you how much I love them. God knew what he was doing when he made them my parents. =) I can talk to either of them for hours about anything. But in particularly my mom. Her patience with me is unbelievable. =) They are amazing and I take them for granted way to much....

Fifth--- My siblings. 1. Ying is the most amazing little sister. She helps to keep me humble and from taking myself or life to seriously. She can read me like a book, though that gets annoying at times. =P 2. My little brothers. They keep life in our house from getting boring. =)

Sixth--- The privilege of being part of a Christ Gospel centered church and serving there. =)

Seventh--- Speakers who I don't know but have benefited from greatly over the past year;
1. Francis Chan- The teaching pastor at Cornerstone has an amazing heart for God.
Not superficial at all, incredibly humble, and so compassionate towards the poor. Being able to benefit from his teaching has been so cool.
2. Brian Colmery- The pastor at Shoreline, the church only started about 2 years ago. But he's just an awesome speaker and so passionate about God. And so real.
3. Nick Vujicic- Wow. I think I seeing him was the most convicting thing for me when it comes to having joy all the time in every circumstance. I have nothing to complain about
Just a few others being- Chuck Bomar; Todd Nighswonger; Scott Mehl; C.J. Mahaney; Josh Harris; John Loftness; Bob Dohohue; Brad Buser; Matt Moore; Eric Simmons; Jeff Barich; Clive Cliver--- Amongst others.

Eighth-- Authors that have had an impact of me.
God; The Bible
C.S. Lewis; Till We Have Faces, Mere Christianity, Screwtape Letters, The Chronicles of Narnia
John Piper; Don't Waste Your Life
Randy Alcorn; The Grace and Truth Paradox, Safely Home, Dominion, Deadline
Ted Dekker; The Slumber of Christianity, Black, Red, White, Blink, Obsessed, Heaven's Wager, When Heaven Weeps
C.J. Mahaney; The Cross Centered Life,
Bill Myers; Eli, When the Last Leaf Falls, The Face of God
Josh Harris;
Elisabeth Elliot;

Nineth--- Life.

Tenth--- People. (this should be way higher on the list)
My friends are absolutely incredible. And I'm going to only write about the people who I know read this on a somewhat regular basis. (so if you aren't on here it's just because I don't know you read this...)
Because it would take way to long to talk about all my friends because they're that awesome. =) Scary thing about these people is that the vast majority I haven't known for very long at all. Yet I can't imagine not knowing them. Wow. Yeah.

Alphabetically in order.

Carter- This kid is really awesome. He's pretty much my brother. I've only known Carter for about 2 years now? And he's changed soooo much within that time period. He went from a skater boy punk, to a band boy, to an emoish kid (for reasons not necessary to say. =P), to a somewhat of a prep, back again now to a band boy. Which I think fits him best. =) Haha he even let me post on his music review blog once! I was pretty touched. He's really awesome and he loves God. And! he's moving closer now.! =D

Justin- From going to not getting along at all to becoming pretty much siblings is pretty impressive. That's what happened with Justin. lol I've known this kid from when he was about 5? He was a mean little kid. =P Also to smart for his own good. =P And he makes dumb jokes that still flabbergast me (even you think I'd be used to them by now =P). Like Sunday driving back to our house is a perfect example... -_-

Lauren- Lauren is a.m.a.z.i.n.g. I love her so much. I can trust her to tell me exactly what she really thinks and not just want she thinks I want hear. She's friends with me even if I'm annoying or exasperate her with some stuff. =P We are alot alike...yet...not. Lol So it's nice because she doesn't always agree with me so therefore it makes for some interesting conversations sometimes. =P God has blessed me so much with a friend with whom I can talk about normal and spiritual sort of stuff. Oh! Plus she'll listen to sermons and it's nice to have someone to talk with them about. I don't know what I would do without her. =)

Mrs. George- She's pretty much my favoritest Mrs. George ever. She's such an example to me in pretty much everything. She's so enthusiastic about God, serving, and loving and...well you get the picture. =) Yet while she's enthusiastic and happy-- she isn't fake or superficial at all. She's so down to earth and personable you can't help but love her. Not to mention her adorable little daughter. =) I miss seeing her at the office though. =(

Sarah- Sadly, I rarely talk to Sarah much anymore. But reading her blog is always refreshing with her insight and thoughts. This is a girl that really loves God. Her heart for Africa and other countries is such an example to me as well. I love her even if I never get to see her. =(

Stephen- For some reason the Laymans put us in the same class or we probably wouldn't be friends. =P He's pretty much the most awesome guy to work with in the 4's and is pretty much an expert at making cars and dice out of play dough. Even if he didn't know I existed until like last year--he was nice enough to try to talk to me at first since I'm not really that outgoing. He's really easy to talk to, puts up with my annoying self, is honest, and doesn't put on facade. He loves God which is pretty much the most awesome thing. Oh and he likes Michigan. =)

Tyler- Tyler's awesome. He's amazing with computers. I've known him for few years but wasn't until the past year or so that I've become better friends with him. Largely due to 816 I think... =P No, seriously though he's so chill is awesome. He's easy going and easy to talk to. Even though his attention is very easily diverted by cars and his PDA (mostly cars though). =P And I mean what would I do without knowing about the amazing angry management properties of bubble wrap?

So yes, these people are awesome and you should be friends with them because if you aren't it's your loss. I'm sooo incredibly blessed. No kid. =)

Now a really long rambling list---

This I'm thankful for;
  1. God/Jesus/Holy Spirit
  2. The Gospel
  3. salvation
  4. praying (aka good conversation with God)
  5. love
  6. the bible
  7. heaven
  8. people
  9. having good conversation with people
  10. the church (local and universal)
  11. laughing
  12. smiling
  13. reading
  14. memories
  15. thinking
  16. talking late at night...even though I can't do it anymore. =P
  17. best friends
  18. friends
  19. reading books that make me think
  20. listening to sermons
  21. that Joey and Stephen aren't dead
  22. cooking spaghetti with Lauren
  23. Eating cookie dough with Kate
  24. hanging out with the Jakubisins
  25. cooking
  26. baking
  27. serving
  28. helping
  29. helping Mrs George with weddings
  30. talking for hours with my mom and dad
  31. laughing at/with my sister
  32. kids
  33. JOY!
  34. music
  35. honesty
  36. fresh bread
  38. Ted Dekker
  39. life in general
  40. going outside when it's late and just thinking
  41. winter
  42. warm fires
  43. satisfaction
  44. fall
  45. hoodies
  46. listening to music
  47. Romans
  48. flip flops
  49. summer
  50. power points that annoy Justin. =P
  51. playdough
  52. big orange moons
  53. cinnamon rolls
  54. hot water
  55. blankets
  56. hugs
  57. jeans
  58. peaceful dreams
  59. freedom
  60. trials
  61. starlit nights
  62. the color green
  63. sunrises and sunsets
  64. Philippians
  65. long rambling walks
  66. watching movies with friends
  67. snow
  68. thunderstorms
  69. playing frisbee
  70. listening to rain as you fall asleep
  71. mint chocolate chip
  72. hot chocolate
  73. day dreams
  74. apple cider
  75. breathing
  76. atonement
  77. grace
  78. mercy
  79. trees
  80. fruit
  81. flowers
  82. spring
  83. listening
  84. watching
  85. skype
  86. podcasts
  87. justice
  88. blogs
  89. air band
  90. my country
  91. bubble wrap
  92. my senses
  93. emotions
  94. my i-pod and camera
  95. rain
  96. the mountains
  97. breaks from school
  98. colors
  99. pictures
  100. bright sunny days
  101. Spending time with people. And really getting to know them.
=) I'll stop now

I have sooo much to be thankful for. God is so good. So good.

I love you all so much and I hope you guys have an amazing Thanksgiving.

Thanks so much for being my friends guys. =)


Now playing: Skillet - Those Nights

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Thanksgiving's tomorrow.

Quick--5 things you are thankful for. They don't have to be the things you're most thankful for or in any order. Just name 5 please. =)

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

I love God's timing.
Really I do.
It's what I needed to hear.

Another note----

A Dose of Conviction

Brian Colmery

Quick note as I take a break from studying through tomorrow's sermon: John (throughough 1 John) equates not loving with hatred, which is then equated to murder as per the Sermon on the Mount. Not trying to be a huge downer here, but, if you're stopping by and reading right now, I encourage you to take five minutes and think through who in your life you're not loving right now. Then realize that God sees the absence of active and abiding love as equal to hatred, which is equal to murder.

Crazy thought, that by tolerating someone instead of actively loving them you're really murdering them in your mind and heart.

How much of our life is so loving it can only be explained by a supernatural act of God? The Bible seems to say that all of our life ought to be that way, and imagine what the world (not to mention the people in our sphere of influence) would think if we all resolved to let the Spirit make us into that kind of Christian?

Which is to say, of course, the real kind...
Now playing: Bill Lucas - Everything Counts

I'm for serious

God is really, really, really----good.
No, I mean it. Really.

Monday, November 19, 2007

Spin it kids.

I spin words. I spin them when I talk to people, I even spin things when I talk to God.

I'll use terms like--fear of man, struggling with anger, being prideful. Biblical terms, yet to a point I think we've sterilized them in our heads. Or at least I know I have.

I acknowledged my sin to you,
and I did not cover my iniquity;

How often do I do this? Partially I acknowledge my sin and reveal it a little. But completely and totally before God?

Example-- praying things like "God, I'm really struggling right now with fear of man." sounds better to me than praying. "God, to be perfectly honest I'd gladly forsake You so that I can have people's approval."
"God I'm really struggling with anger towards this person right now." sounds a heck of alot better than "God, I really hate this person right now because of something they did."

Who am I kidding? God knows what I'm feeling. Why can't I just be completely honest with Him? Why can't I just open myself up completely? Why is it that I tell God the truth but then spin it to make myself look better? I'm filthy and dirty and He knows it. It's so stupid and completely pointless to try to hide it.

This is what I love about kids. They're open and honest. They wear feeling, emotions, sin; on their face.

As we get older I think we learn how to disguise our sin more. We learn how be "honest" yet spin it so it doesn't look "that" bad.

So here it is kids. This is who I am.

There are times I forsake the God who made me just so I can win people's favor. I disown the God that loved me so much. Do you get that? The one who took my sin--my very much deserved punishment and covered me with an ever reaching, expansive grace. What do I do in return? I spit in His face. He still loves me. And I'm perfectly clean in His sight.

I don't get grace...I don't get love.

Your love it beckons deeply,
a call to come and die.
By grace now I will come
And take this life, take Your life.

Brian Colmery - What Does it All Mean? Intimacy With God
^^^^^ Amazing. A.m.a.z.i.n.g.
I love Brian Colmery.
He's brilliant.
Get this widget | Track details |

Thursday, November 15, 2007

wow. lol

My old xanga. Is hilarious.

The image “” cannot be displayed, because it contains errors.


February 12 2006
Camden to his Mom...
"You know Mom, Ming is the responsible one.
But Ying is the FUN one!"
"See Mom!
I told you Ming was the responsible one!
I like Ying because she is a bad girl and plays X-Box and Halo with us."
Wow coming from Camden that isn't a compliment. [about being responsible I mean. lol]
I'm not fun...
I'm responsible.
That was a while ago. Oh I laughed. lol

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

I need words, as wide as sky

Heaven's not a cliche' to me anymore.

And I need a song to sing you, That I've yet to find

Maybe I'll find it one day.
One day.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

I'm so happy. =)

Life is soooo good.
I'm done with my lecture test and lab practical for Biology. And I don't have another test till Tuesday! And! I don't have another test in Bio for even longer than that. =)
I haven't gotten my grade back for the lecture and I won't until tomorrow. But I'm determined not to fret about it. =)

So I studied like crazy this morning and afternoon before the practical, then took it. My teacher then let us out early that made me very happy.

Then! I walk outside and it is absolutely gorgeous out! I almost burst I was so pleased =P.
70's is beautiful.

My God is soooo good.

I love my family.

And my friends are stupendous.

You wish your friends went goose hunting. =P

Monday, November 12, 2007

I'm not pensive or thoughtful right now.
But I'm happy. I have my Bio test behind me and I had a nice night. =P
Even if I do have a practical tomorrow...that's ok. =P

Sunday, November 11, 2007

If only...

Children's Ministry was fun. I was told I look like a Hannah. 0.o Never heard that before.
"If only I knew what to do with my life."
Christian spin~~~
"If only I knew what God's calling was on my life."

When we use statements like that the underlying message is that if/when we figure it out the "If only..." we will find meaning, purpose, and satisfaction in it--whatever it may be.

I know, because sometimes I feel this way. Dozens of questions with run through my mind; If only I knew what God was going to do with my life. If only I knew if I was going to get married or be single. If only I knew if He'd called me to be a missionary. If only I knew what I should go to school for. If only I knew this. If only I knew that. And on and on. It's enough to drive a person mad.

AND THEN--it's so obnoxious when I come across those people who have known what they want to do since they were two. They couldn't imagine doing or pursuing anything else because they feel called to do it. They life or their plan for their life has a meaning and a purpose. Then there's indecisive me who just when she thinks she figured her life out--something comes up to ruin that facade.

Right now I could go and say that you should only find your satisfaction in God and that I shouldn't need to know my calling to be satisfied or have purpose. But I've been thinking about it...(imagine that.=P) And while thinking about it-- came to the conclusion that I do need to know my calling in order to be satisfied. Now before you start getting upset, let me explain (and I could be completely wrong so just bear with me.)

We do need to know what God has called us to in order to find satisfaction---but it's not a matter of finding the "perfect" career or even the "perfect" person. =P

We do need to know---but we don't have to figure it out, we already know.

We're called to love God with every fiber of our being. And love people in an unexplainable way because we love God. We are called to-- love with an unconditional love, have joy all the time, have peace in the midst of the most trying circumstances, patience when we don't feel like it, kindness in everything we do, goodness in a sin saturated world, faith when all the odds are against us, gentleness, and self-control.

We know this. This is what gives our life meaning and gives us purpose. So let's be satisfied, stop with the if only's, and just do it.

Saturday, November 10, 2007

you should see the stars tonight...

I went on an introspective walk last night.
I pondered life, love, and happiness. =P No, in all seriousness though-- I throughly enjoyed it.

As I walked along with my hands firmly planted in the pocket of my hoodie I alternated between staring at the asphalt beneath my feet to looking at the dark sky with scattered stars amidst wisps of clouds with no moon to be seen. About halfway through my ambling walk I came upon a can that had not yet been entirely emptied of it's contents.

I emptied it of it's yeasty fermented smelling liquid and I then found it highly enjoyable to kick it around for the last mile of my walk, while listening to something on Ecclesiastes. "There is nothing new under the sun."

Hmmm-- listening to that probably attributed largely for my introspective thinking...

(and people I still want you to answer my question)

Thursday, November 8, 2007


What do you guys want for Christmas?


(and if you are reading this you are obligated to tell me.) sorry. =P
*and if you don't want me to post your comment then just say so.

Wednesday, November 7, 2007

Freedom I've been set free...

the greatest price was paid
for me

You bled and died,
you were crushed that day
for me

A perfect life you lived,
with mercy every breath
for me

Obedient to death
embracing every blow
for me

For freedom
I've been set free

And your freedom
you spread out,
I nailed to the tree

Your wounds have rescued me,
Your scars have saved me

You thorns have taken me,
I am now free

You cross has kept me,
Your bruises blessed me
Your pain protected me,
I am now free

Redemption's song,
how beautiful it sounds
to me

Forever and a day
I'll sing of your great!love!
for me

The beauty of a humble king has given life to me

-Jim Elliston
I'll never fully get it.
But I think I do in a small. small. way. And even that small way blows me away.
And I'm not just saying this either...Seriously...I'm not kidding.
Anyways last night I typed out about 12 pages of Biology notes. It was great fun let me tell you.
But my life is sooo good. I can't complain. =)
I get to spend eternity with God.
My name is written in that book.
Pffft yeah. I'd be insane to complain---about anything. =)

^^^I'm not just saying that either.
Now playing: Jim Elliston - Sacrifice
Now playing: Francis Chan - Grace, Grace, Grace
^^^^ amazing.

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

He's faithful.

Talking about--Psalm 78
"And we often times have this thing where when we face temptation--we have these like youth group tricks, or stuff we read in the Bible or whatever acronyms or something that you use to face temptation. You sit there and you have that moment where you're deciding; I really want to be sinfully angry right now, I really want to lust right now, I really want to be greedy right now, I really want to be self-centered right now, you have that moment where you're deciding. And often times it's just like I'll guilt myself into not doing it or I'll try really hard or I'll just give up and go for it. There's all these different responses we can have. But one that I had never heard before I read this verse was-- thinking about how good God has been to you in the past. If you want to keep the commandments of God. If you want to have your hope in him. This guys said "Then make sure you sit at the feet of some people who've seen God work, make sure you think about all these stories of what God's done in other people lives and what God's done in your life. Just make sure you recognize how faithful God is." And all of a sudden it won't be a big issue to walk right past that stuff. Because you'll just sit there thinking "Man, no, I see God's got me on this track I mean he's got me going somewhere and I don't need this. I can just bypass this. Cause I see where we're headed and it's a good place" And you just keep walking."
Brian Colmery
Why is it soo easy to lose sight of how faithful God has been to me? Why is it so easy to get caught up in the here and now? Get sucked into and obsessed with my own issues that I forget how God has met me in everything in the past. His fingerprints, His footprints, His love--are all over my past...
So why wasn't I remembering that yesterday?
I feel so good when I remember...but then why is it so easy for me to be distracted.?
I'm going to keep walking. =) 'Cause my God's that amazing.
He's so faithful, so loving, so just...good. =)

I'm back to myself. =D I think. Whatever that entails or implies, I'm not exactly sure. =P
In other news...So I'm pretty psyched. I decided that I'm gonna post audio clips now along with my quotes... So now you guys are going to be bombarded with audio clips of things I find amazing. Forget me typing all the stuff out. =P Well never mind I probably will still type it out. Still! =P

Monday, November 5, 2007


Have you ever wished you had something terribly brilliant to say? I wish I had something profound or thoughtful or incredible to say...but alas I can't think of anything like that to say. And I refuse to just drag something stagnate out of the pits of my brain just to sound like I have something to say. So this is a completely worthless post.

I really don't like Mondays though.
And yeah.
But I do love God. Or am attempting too.
And I really am trying to love people as much as I love me.
I'm awful at it but I'm trying.
That said God's sooo good and I'm really really blessed. =)

My family is amazing and so are my friends =)
And I get to spend eternity with my God. That's pretty sweet.
Eternity. =)

I love John.

John 4

7 Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. 8 Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. 9 In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him. 10 In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. 11 Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. 12 No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us.

13 By this we know that we abide in him and he in us, because he has given us of his Spirit. 14 And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent his Son to be the Savior of the world. 15 Whoever confesses that Jesus is the Son of God, God abides in him, and he in God. 16 So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him. 17 By this is love perfected with us, so that we may have confidence for the day of judgment, because as he is so also are we in this world. 18 There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. 19 We love because he first loved us. 20 If anyone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen. 21 And this commandment we have from him: whoever loves God must also love his brother.

I don't know what you get from this-- but love seems pretty important. And this isn't even a whole chapter...

Sunday, November 4, 2007


So I'm pretty psyched. I decided that I'm gonna post audio clips now along with my quotes... So now you guys are going to be bombarded with audio clips of things I find amazing. Forget my typing all the stuff out. =P Well.... never mind, I probably will still type it out. Still! =P

Sanctus Real has amazing music. lol
Yesterday was fun.

Saturday, November 3, 2007

Words or Actions?

It's so easy to say things. It's so easy to say some words-- type some words.

And it's something I've been thinking about today. It's something I'm really good at; spitting out words. Sometimes it's hard to get me started, but once I do get started it's just as hard to make me shut up. =P But when it comes down to it---words serve me. It's alot easier to say something than actually follow through with it.

And you know how sometimes you'll say something and you'll feel better just because you said it, but then you never actually get around to doing it it? This is something I do much to often.

Where as actions actually serve other people. Instead of just talking about stuff...isn't it a novel idea for me to actually do it? Instead of saying I'm going to study this weekend and making myself feel better-- isn't in a novel idea for me to actually stop just saying I'm going to study and actually just study?

It's not enough for me to just be convicted about things--it's not even enough for me to say I was convicted about something. It's not until that conviction actually invades and changes my life that it actually means anything. Just being convicted about something isn't enough. I need to follow through on those convictions.

It's not enough for me to be convicted that I need to love people more. It's not enough for me to sit here and tell you guys that I've been convicted more. It's not until I actually start loving people more that anything happens and I start serving others instead of myself...

I think to often we raise people up because of their convictions. "Oh that's great that God's convicting you!" Is it really? I mean I see where they are coming from; but is it a good thing that God's convicting them if they aren't going to respond to it? I don't know... This is just the sort of stuff that runs through my head while cleaning the kitchen and vacuuming. =P

So guys I really really need you to watch me and make sure I'm actually living this and not just spewing out a bunch of words.....And if I'm not I need you to tell me. Seriously.

Now playing: Sanctus Real - Alone
Coffee house was fun. I'm tired.

Friday, November 2, 2007

Long version. really long version.

Wednesday was as you all probably know, was Halloween. We went over to Sterling's this year and had dinner with him and some other people. My parents were going to do something else that evening so it worked. Then the entirety of my siblings excluding myself went candy collecting and I got to stay with Ms. Linda, clean the kitchen, and talk. I haven't seen her in months so I had alot of fun. =) She's amazing, when she went to Michigan she got me a sticker for my car. I was pretty psyched. Yeah she's pretty much the coolest adult ever. lol

Anyways, all the fun we had that night sort of was forgotten when we were leaving. Let me tell you why--- as far as I can figure out my brother decided to get out of the car to get some candy that had dropped on the ground while I was backing up. It was my fault I wasn't thinking and wasn't being responsible and I didn't check to see what he was doing. Somehow while I was backing up he tripped and his leg got under the car. All of a sudden he starts screaming and then Ying starts screaming at me that I've run over Jun-Fung. I am sorta in shock and disoriented at this point. I just sit in the car for a few seconds and was thinking to myself "Ok this can't be happening. But if it is...I don't want to freak out here and step on the gas when it's in reverse, thinking it's in drive so that I can get off his how do I put this car in drive." No kidding I was like so out of it. I sat there then switched it to drive and slowly pulled forward. ... Which lead to more screaming. Jun-Fung, ofcourse was scared and Ying was just screaming for me to stop. So I stopped. I put the car in park and run over to the other side of the car. By that time everyone is outside and we carry Jun-Fung and set him on the couch, and then Ms. Karen starts bending his leg and stuff to see if it's broken or something. I was still in shock I started to have visions of like his leg crushed. She called my parents and they said they'd meet us at the ER. So we go and put Jun-Fung in the car. I think it sorta hit me at that point anddd I sorta lost it...Yeah. So we drive over to the ER. My dad looks at it and says he thinks it's just soft tissue damage. But he wants an x-ray just to be sure. At this point Mrs. Glacken and Justin get there. Now Justin you know I love you to death and you're like a brother but yeah. =P

The whole time Ms. Karen and Ms. Linda and Mrs. Glacken are all telling me that it's not my fault and that it was an accident and that I'll learn from it and that I needed to trust God. Now I know/knew all of that stuff. But the fact of the freaking matter was I ran over my little brother. All I had to have done was just check and make sure that everyone was in their seats and buckled up. But did I? No I forgot. And I shouldn't have. Lol to be perfectly honest I didn't want to feel better about it...idk it's like I wanted to feel really bad about it and I did...
But I think the most annoying thing in the world is when you want to do something but you know it isn't right.

I got that God had forgiven me. I got that no one was mad at me. But it didn't make sense...I think I would have rather God, my parents, someone! had been mad at me. But since no one was getting mad at me. It's like I felt that I had to be at just didn't seem right not to be. You know it's really easy being the person that hasn't done anything-- it's easy being that person and telling the person who has done something that, "God isn't mad at them and that he forgives them and then they need to forgive themselves because it's what He would want, and it's not helping anyone, and just hurting them." (I've told it to people before and it's what my dad told me) Well it's really freaking hard being the person who has done something and has to forgive themselves-- let me tell you.

So yeah I was/am really humbled. And I'm so so thankful that Jun-Fung is ok. My God is good.

In other news the Tapestry party was pretty happenin' yesterday. =P No, it seriously it went really well. And Justin's little outfit was really cute. =P Should I post a picture Justin? lol

I like being the picture taker....

I hadn't seen her in forever and a day.

isn't it amazing =)

See Ms. Linda just makes Michigan cool. lol

Thursday, November 1, 2007

oh dear.

So guys. How was your Halloween?
Mine was good...until I ran my brother over...ugh. It was my fault I didn't check I was being irresponsible.
What happened I think was that he was getting his candy or something that had fallen out and somehow when I was backing up he tripped and somehow his left leg got pinched by the right front wheel tire. It's a really long story that's just easier to tell in person or like in a conversation and I don't really have time to type it all up right now. Maybe later. But so you know he's really completely fine and he's running around so yeah I'm sooo thankful that it's not worth. God's amazing.
I've decided that even though it's good that people don't let you blame yourself and get mad at yourself. Sometimes at the time you just want to. idk I'm not thinking clearly right now I'm so This probably makes no sense