Monday, November 14, 2011

Long time coming...

*Disclaimer. I know people may get upset about this post. And that's ok. I'm just working these things out in my own head, mind, and heart. They weigh heavily on me--and if you are at all involved I'm sure they weigh heavily on you as well. All I can ask is that you never trust anyone fully and completely...except Jesus. No one deserves it--they will fail you. And you idolizing them to where you trust them with everything and won't believe they are capable of A, B, C, or D--will mess them up.

If you have any problem or think that I am way off and completely stupid or wrong--please email me at and let me know. I want to know if I am wrong and always enjoy a good discussion. :)*

I think two of the most influential forces that humans can obtain in this life are Money and Power.

Unfortunately these two things have an incredible about of power to mess. us. up.

Power makes us feel like we are way more important than we actually are. It can corrupt even the most staunch believer and it's addictive tendrils find a way to penetrate the most humble of individuals. It makes us feel like we are puffs us up.

Money is addictive and it makes us feel secure. Don't believe me? Let me empty your bank account or I'll give you a million dollars. Watch how your feeling of security changes.

Power does weird things to me (though I've never really had much of it-thankfully) and money does really weird things to me. I have to be really really careful because I'm not sure I'm strong enough to handle alot of either one.

This being said...I find this whole thing with Crossway to be really really sad... all the way around... I honestly don't really agree completely with anyone. I think we are all messed up, screwed up, and human.

God know's that I've done stupid, retarded, sinful things. And He knows that I still continue to do things like that now, so that being said I'm not to say that I know everything or that I am better. Because I'm not.

Now I wasn't at the CW family meeting last night--so I'm not sure that everything that I've heard is accurate or in the right context...but that being said I don't think that anyone...even pastors should ask anyone...much less their entire congregation to trust them blindly...
Like I said--I'm not the smartest person but there's something about that...that just doesn't sit right with me... It makes me really uneasy and I'm not quite sure how it is to be considered ok...

All throughout history religion has been used a tool, a mechanism that men have used to manipulate and control people. Catholics, Protestants, Muslims, ect. ect. the list goes on and on.

And part of how these institutions would try to wield their congregation or the population in general was by controlling what information they read or heard. Always under the guise that people were not educated or strong enough to handle it themselves and therefore had to be "protected".

Sidenote: But you know...If I was possibly going to lose my source of income (money) and power that I had amassed over the years I may do the same thing...But for the grace of God go I...

This is ONE of the reasons religion--sucks. And this is why I am not interested in it in the least.
Give me a relationship with Jesus. Give me the Holy Spirit to guide me. Give me community with people that are just as messed up as I am but are loved just as much as I am.

Excuse my language but screw everything else.

I personally think that SGM is kind of messed up from the core on out. But I'm not 100% on board with the other side either.

People that I love and are my friends are being thrown into the mix and it's beginning to upset me.

Ofcourse the fact that I'm dating a Detwiler doesn't exactly help my situation either. Sometimes I wonder what on earth God was thinking when He thought that one up.

I am not a sit there lay down and just accept whatever is fed to me type of person. Lol I've tried doing that actually and it makes me a very volatile and moody person.

Here's the facts-- I don't trust my parents completely, I don't trust CJ Mahaney completely, I don't trust Josh Harris completely (even if I do admire and love how he is handling everything) , I don't trust Francis Chan completely (although I admire him ALOT), I don't trust Brent Detwiler completely, I don't trust my friends completely (even though I love, adore and would do anything for them), ect...Heck I don't trust myself completely.

We're all human--we all fall short every single freaking day.

And God still loves us anyways.

So how about we root ourselves in Jesus and not other people.

Because when the bottom drops out and I guarantee you it will for everyone--He's the only on that's going to be left standing.

So here is to Jesus. Here's to His love. Here is to holding His hand and being brave even when the bottom drops.

Here is to finding my security in HIM and HIM ALONE.

*end tirade*

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