Wednesday, April 15, 2009

This is pretty amazing

Oh my gosh.

Oh my gosh.


I want to move to California.

I keep pushing this out of my head.

But I want to...

Francis Chan is amazing. He's walking out his convictions even when they run counter intuitive against the way that Christianity is suppose to be and even if they go against the grain of what he was always taught--what we have always been taught.

He's honest, radical, idealistic, and he's crazy.

And I love it.

Love it.
Oh my gosh.
I love it. lol

He's asking the questions that I've been asking myself and trying to ask others. And their the questions that other's get really ticked at...

I want to go...

I want to live crazy and radically and I'm tired of being passive.

So, so tired of being passive...

I want to live as if I actually do believe that the Bible is true like I say I do. I want to actually do things that wouldn't make sense apart from God. And I want to have Jesus and I want to be close to him.

But on the flip side guys--I'm scared. I'm scared because I've felt like this before and I waver all the time. I screw up, do stupid things, I get in the way of my passions and radicality [I know that's not a word.]. I'm scared to say this sort of thing because...I don't want people looking at me and disregarding what I'm saying. I'm afraid that people are going to be like, "Oh look--there goes Ming again on one of her little soapbox rants. She's so screwed up, she says this sort of thing and then goes and messes her life and others all up."

I'm afraid to be passionate because I how I've acted at time and things I've done. I've always been a "good" kid up until this last year or so, so it's hard for me to deal with how I think other people view me. I know it shouldn't matter--but I'd be lying if I say I didn't think about it.

Does that make sense?

So I don't write. I don't rant. I don't ramble. I step quietly on my passions and put my foot in my mouth and just try to fade into the background. Then try and find something to write about but come up with nothing, because frankly my passions are an integral part of who I am.

Just as everyone's passions are an intrinsic part of who they are as people.

For some people is cars, for some its golf, for others its video games, sewing, politics--ect ect.

My passions are just different in some ways. lol Remember kids I'm really odd.

I know it's wrong to think about it and not write--but I'm just being honest.

So there--that's honestly why I don't write alot. I'm just growing and trying to figure out what I'm suppose to do and how I'm suppose to deal with life as it comes hard and fast my way.

I screw up more often then not and I'm more often than not just darn confused And people.

And I know God is God but people still confuse me.

Anyways I'll shut up now kids.

Maybe I should make this blog private--like my other ones. =P

Nobody reads this probably anyways lol

Anyways it's crazy late...errr...early so I'll talk to you kids later.


Lauren--watch Gospel Conference pt.5 then let me know what you think. =)
Oh my gosh, he just said he's been questioning whether or not Cornerstone has the right to call itself a church. Unless they're'll have to listen to him--because otherwise they're redefining it.


Anonymous said...

I heart Mr. Chan. I have been listening to the same series and am feeling a lot of the same things that you said. I just want to love God and care less about loving anything else. It really is all about him.

Don't stop posting I love reading your stuff-or let me in on your secret blog. :)

Emily Joy said...

lol, I'm crazy too. If you make it private, can I still read it? I read everyone of your posts :)

Nathan said...

Ming this was an excellent post, i'm going through a lot of the same things you're talking about here. Same as Emily said, i'd like to keep reading your blog if you make it private.