Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Obsession and a ton of other thoughts that follow no coherent order...

What can I do with my obsession
With the things I cannot see
Is there madness in my being
Is it the wind that moves the trees?
Sometimes You're further than the moon
Sometimes You're closer than my skin
And You surround me like a winter fog
You've come and burned me with a kiss

And my heart burns for You
And my heart burns...for You

And I'm so filthy with my sin
 I carry pride like a disease
You know I'm stubborn, Lord, and I'm longing to be close
You burn me deeper than i know
And I feel lonely without hope
And I feel desperate without vision
You wrap around me like a winter coat
You come and free me like a bird

my love burns for You
and my heart feels for You
my life good for You
all i have burns for you you
burns, burns, oh la la la la la la
my love burns for You
and my heart burns for You
my love burns
my heart feel
my life good
all i have for you
You know when you're heart burns aches and hurts? You know the feeling?
It's twisting in your chest with a pain that's not really quite describable?

You know?

I miss my God peoples. I miss long talks, I miss being close, I miss smiling at the thought of a Father that loves me so much that'd he'd cross eternity just to find me. I miss Him so much. God and I were chums. Eternal King and me--unlikely pair, tell me about it.

But come and listen--let me tell you what he's done for you--done for me--done for us.

No seriously, sit down let's talk.


The awesome power, persistance, wild, crazy, loving, Lord that I know as my Father.

I know it's unpopular to believe what I believe. Maybe not in the circles that you run in--but I'm starting to learn what it's like to be in the world. Engaging and loving people who are living in a way that runs contrary to everything I've ever been taught was right. Becoming really good friends with them--it's very annoying actually. Because then you know...you actually start caring. I'm not saying the fake "Oh I want everyone to go to heaven." type deal. I'm talking about the keeping awake til all hours wondering how on earth you can be an example to them to make Christ look attractive to them. All the while knowing how far you fall short everyday. It's enough to get inside your head and keep you up... How do you tell someone without being preachy? How do you show a person you really truly care?

Have I been holding on to these things, people, relationships to tightly?

This whole leave everything behind if you want to follow me thing is hard.

Worth it in the end--I know.

But it's really freaking hard.

I'd be lying if I said otherwise.

Cause it doesn't just feel like you're ripping your heart out.
It doesn't just hurt you.
It's gonna hurt other people to.

But is God worth it to me?

He is. He so is. The person that crossed history, eternity, and stretched his arms across a cross to pay a price for me.... He's worth my life and more. I miss him I love him kids.

So much it makes my heart ache.

And what's a person to do about that....

I love Him.

It's not about life kids.

It's really not, I know it seems like it sometimes but it's not.

It's not about school, it's not about getting a good job, it's not about the husband or the wife, it's not about the house and the morgage, it's not about the kids, it's not about life.

It's about God and people in that order.

More specifically loving God and loving people in that order.

In trying to save your life--you will lose it.
In losing your life--you will save it.
The dichotomies of the kingdom of Heaven.

In living you die and in dying you live.

I know it doesn't feel that way but it is.

Holding on--losing everything
Letting go--gaining better grip.

It really doesn't make sense--but it's not called faith and trust for nothing.

Love much kids.

I'm going to try and sleep.

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