I am waiting to go to lunch with my family--mom ran a quick errand and my brother is taking a shower...so I write. Will I even post this? I don't know-my thoughts aren't really clear right now. They are all jumbled up in a pile in my head and I can't seem to find the beginning or end of them so I can begin to unravel them.
But to begin anything you must start somewhere...even in the middle of a knotted mess of thoughts.
The older I get (and I can say that now because I am over 20 so ha!) the less I know. I am always learning--but as I am learning the more I discover I really don't know squat. I was more sure about life when I in my teens-I thought I had it all nailed down and that clearly knew all the important things about life. It was quite nice back then before God started to deconstruct and wreck all of my preconceived notions about Him--it was nice thinking that you have it all figured out. Back when I believed that it was more important to be right than it was to be kind.
Facebook and the world in general seems to be very eager to throw out opinions about this subject that is going before the Supreme Court. And maybe it would be wiser for me to just be quiet about the subject-maybe I should be more vocal about it. I don't know what the right action is.
Honestly though it just all makes me quite sad...sad that this conversation even needs to be had, sad that sin pervades everything, sad that we battle with so many things, sad that people can be so hateful, and sad that humility and grace are not breathed more often by myself.
I don't know what the right answer is, I know what I think about the subject but I also know that I have been wrong so so many times before so I hesitate to whip my words around as if they were the finally say in the matter. I know what the Bible says and I do my best to follow what is says-but could I be misinterpreting it-it's possible. Could the opposite side be misinterpreting it-that's possible as well.
Proof-texting what we believe is an easy thing to do and it makes us feel better about ourselves-but...is it really necessary? I would lean towards...it's not. Maybe I'm wrong though.
I want to be more like Jesus and when I look at how he lived his life--that is how I want to live. Jesus rubbed shoulders and ate with the morally bankrupt of his day. He reached out to the poor and the outcast. He poured his life into the people who society condemned and scorned. And it seems to me the only people he got mad at were the people who used religion for their own personal gain and were hypocritical and self-righteous. And I know in my life I have leaned both ways.
Maybe I'm wrong-maybe Jesus cares more about us taking a stand against immorality on facebook than he cares about us helping the widows, orphan and poor.
Maybe I'm wrong--maybe when Jesus said to take the log out of our own eye before concentrating on the speck in someone else's he didn't mean that we should look at our own lives before judging other people. Maybe. Maybe he meant that we should condemn people who sin differently than we do.
“‘Now this was the sin of your sister Sodom: She and her daughters were arrogant, overfed and unconcerned; they did not help the poor and needy." -Ezekiel 16:49
Maybe I'm wrong--maybe Jesus wants us to make a big deal about homosexuality, alcohol, and smoking... but not about the fact that most of us are prideful, arrogant, overfed and unconcerned.
I'm not saying those other things are right or aren't important...but maybe we should focus on ourselves and the things that we do and don't do, before we do on others...? Maybe?
But you know...
Maybe I'm wrong.
I don't want to be humble about the truth--but I want to always be humble about my ablity to always apprehend the truth.
I am a messed up person, I am sinful and broken. I do bad things and I do good things for bad reasons. My heart and intentions are murky at best. I was blind and I could never have saved myself--but I was saved and now--Love is leading me.
I am learning ever so painfully slow that I can't change someone's heart and I can't save people anymore than I could have ever saved myself. So this is what I am going to do, I am going to love. Love recklessly and love unconditionally because that is all I can do. I am going to love all you crazy people regardless of your pride, warts, selfishness, and all.
And I am going to trust that God can change a heart--I know that He can, because He changed mine.
And now I step down off of my soapbox, hopefully that all made a little bit of sense...