Tuesday, August 20, 2013

This is one of those times where maybe I am being too honest. Maybe I should only portray my best angles, hide my flaws, and apply makeup to my life and personality so no one can really see who I am. Maybe, maybe I should shuffle and sweep my fears and weaknesses under the rug and pray a wind doesn't come and blow them out all across the room.

But...we all have problems, we all have fears, we all have feelings of inadequacy and insecurity, and at the end of the day if you think that I am too real and hot to handle then we probably wouldn't get along very well in the long run anyways 

For know this my dear people, I have lied in an effort to save my skin and I have hurt the people closest to me because I am selfish and I think I know best. I am easily intimidated and am just now learning how to fail and fall well.

I have been the prodigal son who runs from the all that is good to something that is broken and I am also the older son who stands out in the field with his arms crossed and tears of hot indignance running down his cheeks leaving salty trails of bitterness down his face, refusing to join in the party inside the house, because he started to believe that grace should have limits.

I am a hypocrite sometimes, my words telling a bigger tale than my life can live up to. I let words fall from my lips like daggers wounding instead of healing people. I am impatient and I doubt a God who is nothing but good.

For my friends, I am Moses, saying that God picked the wrong person.
David, wishing for things that are not mine.
Lot's wife, looking behind instead of looking ahead.
Thomas, doubting everything I should know to be true.
Peter, making grand statements of faith only to fall flat on my face when a cock crows for the third time.
I am Job, demanding answers because I think I am owed something by the very Author who breathed me to life.
And I like the fallen angel believe that I could write this story better than God.

I do wrong things and I do right things for wrong reasons.

Lest you have an inflated opinion of me, know this I will fall off any pedestal I am placed on, because I am human and I will fail.

Love me or think I'm crazy. It is what it is, I'm Ming and I am not perfect. But I am loved and I'm learning.

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