Monday, February 23, 2009

Alllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll over the place.

You know the yearning you get when you want more?

The churning in stomach, the aching in your heart, the longing in your soul?

When the deepest parts of you are crying out for something more?

I need words
As wide as sky

I guess that's how I've felt lately. On and off--things of fleeting value will for a moment catch my attention and distract me for a second--but then it's back again gnawing and gnawing...

I need language wide as
This longing inside

It's a rather obnoxious thing--let me tell you.

Unless you do what the voice in your head is telling you to do--it won't stop.
Unless you say what it whispers in your ear to say--for lack of a better term it won't shut up.

And I need a voice
Bigger than mine

I don't care how much you fight it, I don't care how much you squirm and fight it.

It's completely pointless.

It's late and I'm tired but sleep won't come to me--and so I'm writing again.

And I need a song to sing you
That I've yet to find

I'm just tired. Weary more like.

I'm tired of having passions and dreams. I'm tired of the knowledge that I'm made for big things.
Normally I like it, mind you. Normally I do. Honestly.

Something Naeem said a couple Sundays ago keeps buzzing in my ear--it's very obnoxious.

He said something along the lines that--the church needs you because you have a unique passions and dreams, you have had a conversation with God that none of us has. ect. He went on for a while--and it was really good. Stephen kind of threw me a look and a smirk because unfortunately for him, he's often on the receiving end of my tangents and tirades.

Honestly it's kind of funny--pastors son and idealistic girl thrown into a relationship that already has more than it's share of *cough* yes. Anyways, but it always leads to interesting conversation and discussion, and I think we help to balance each other out. He helps balance my passion and idealism and I help him see that the institutionalized church isn't the end all be all. =P Or at least that's what I think happens....

God's given me a some what unique view of the world, of people, and of the Church. Can I be to forward about it? Sure. I'm not perfect. *gasps from the audience* [that was sarcasm, just fyi]

Does that mean I shouldn't say anything though? Does that mean I should sit back and wait until apparently things like age and life temper out my passion and leave me a shell of myself? Saying less controversial things and all together just keeping everyone happy and making one feel good about how we live life here?


See kids I don't know if this is going to work--I don't know if I'll get in.

Honestly if you know me I hate going out on limbs where I could very well get rejected and fail.

I didn't want to apply, I mean I did--but then I didn't.

But I did errr am--and I could very well not get in.

But I'm doing this because of faith.

If this is what God wants, if this is where he wants me to be--then you know what I'm going to be there. If not then I'm not.

But I can't sit here and do nothing. As much as I might like to.

Anyways some massive post is coming up soon on an article I re-read just recently.

You don't have to read it unless you want to though

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