rambling.

Love. Do I get it? I don't. If I could get love down then everything else would come naturally. I don't compare people that I love. When I really love people I'm humble and count them more important than myself. I want to get this. Ming, I'm talking to you. Get this! Please? This love? A love so deep for you, if you could get this then it would all fall into place. Do you hear me Ming? He's calling you. He has called you. He LOVES you!
Rest in it please. Please.
Don't worry about other minuscule silly things. Please don't.
Don't worry about your future. He's got you.
Don't worry about what people think about you. He loves you.
Don't worry about your test grade. He's got a plan.
Do you hear me? Please please don't worry or over think things. It's killing you.
Love saved you, died for you.
Love has loved you. Even if you don't love that amazing Love like you should. He still loves you. Even if you turn your nose up at it and chase other rediculous things. He still loves you!
I'm begging you here; don't forget!
Believe it Ming. Trust it and faith in His amazing love and his abundant mercy and grace. No. Don't you dare try to flippantly disregard those words just because you've heard them your whole life.
Mercy it's not just another word. Did you forget? Mercy someone not giving you something bad that you deserve. Remember what you deserve. Remember how awful, sick, and dirty you were until that Love saved you.
Grace? Remember that? Grace is someone giving you something you don't deserve. Remember what you were saved for! You weren't saved for nothing, you have the grace to change. You have the grace to become like Him! Did you forget that? Seriously? Honestly girl.
Did you forget what you get in the end of this too? Oh my gosh. Don't tell me you forgot about eternal bliss...oh, so you didn't forget you just didn't think about it alot or didn't really care? What?! That's almost worse. Dwell on your amazing home. Please? It'll be so so good for you. You will see the God that you love so much in His glory. It'll bring you down. Imagine it Ming. You won't be able to contain yourself. Imagine the throne room of God. You'll be there with millions of people. People who loved God too. All ethnicities. Yet, none of those people even in their masses will be able to even begin to compare to the one that is sitting on his throne. You didn't think about that alot? Oh Ming....
It's not about you. It never has been. Trust me that's a good thing. I don't know why stuff has happened and I don't know what's going to happen in the future. But I promise you this. God loves you and He does have a plan. Yes, I promise you that.
I don't know what your life is going to look like. No, I'm sorry I don't. Maybe you'll get in the nursing program, and maybe you won't. Maybe you'll get married, and maybe you won't. Maybe you'll be a missionary, and maybe you won't. I can't give you details. I'm sorry I can't.
But I can give you the bigger picture.
No matter what happens it'll be in God's plan for you. You're job is just to love Him in a crazy insane incredible way. That's allllll you need to worry about. Don't worry about anything else.

Dear God....I want to believe...help me with my unbelief.

Burning everything I'm learning,
Light a match,
'Cause I don't get it yet.
Shake out the mistakes that I've made,
Swallow them down.
Is it more than I can take,