Monday, October 15, 2012
I have a hard time embracing who I am and who God has created me to be. (You think that by now I would have figured this out)
All I seem to see is the list of problems that I have which is a mile long. Even when I acknowledge that I am good at something--then it goes to my head and I can feel the tentacles of pride wrapping themselves around my heart and then I get mad at myself for letting things go to my head.
I want to be perfect. I want to stop messing up. I'm tired of being judgmental. I'm tired of not being as loving and patient as I should be. I am tired of fighting myself. I am tired of wrestling for faith and struggling to hold on. I'm tired of being the prodigal son that ran away and spent time in the pig pen--and I am also the son that stayed and had a major attitude about it and thought he was all that and a bag of chips.
I'm tired of wanting to run away.
So I turn on music and I let Jason Gray, Andrew Peterson, Brandon Health, ect remind me of the truth that seems so hard to hold onto.
The truth that I am so incredibly and deeply loved just as I am.
That I measure up because when God looks at me He sees Jesus.
That inspite of my countless failings and foibles He is satisfied with me.
And if God is satisfied with the work He is doing in me...perhaps just maybe I can be satisfied with it as well.