Monday, June 4, 2012

Late Night Ramblings

(Writing is my therapy) (also I hate this freaking cough. lol it's so annoying)

"The skill of the divine potter is an infinite patience of improvisation. No sooner has one work gone awry than his fingers are pressing it into the form of another. There is never a moment for the clay, when the potter is not doing something with it. God is never standing back and watching us; his fingers are on us all the time,"
- Austin Farrer

I am learning that when God's fingers are pressed deeply into my life and molding me it is not always what I want. But it is always what I need.
I'm still figuring this out.

2 Corinthians 4-7
But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us.
"The Potter reveals His grace; through broken jars."

Worship was fantastic this morning. I believe this kids. 
I'm rooted in something so much deeper than another person.
I was happy and enjoyed life before him, I was happy and enjoyed life with him, and I am happy and enjoy life without him.
I am ok. And it is such a good feeling.

I am not responsible for how anyone other than myself handles this.
I am responsible for how I handle this.
I am responsible for me. My choices. My life.
And I am going to use this for good.
I am going to press up close to the heart of my God.
I am going to start dancing with freedom.I am going to enjoy being single and do things that I probably will never get the chance to do again lol
I am going to start playing violin, go on roadtrips by myself (shhh don't tell my mom yet ;)), and invest in my amazing friends.
I am not going to waste this sitting on my butt and being depressed.
(even if I was acting like a retard at first lol :P)
That would not acting true to who I am.

Now mind you I'm not going to go to Vegas and go crazy either cause that wouldn't be true to who I am either lol 

I am a child of a King and dearly deeply loved. :)

Don't get me wrong there are times where my emotions get a hold of me and I struggle with feelings of inadequacy and failure and pain.
If only I were more attractive.
If only I were more outgoing.
If only I were more like the other girls.
If only.
What then?
What if?

I turn and run to my God and I remind myself that He's got it all under control. And that He's always been faithful to me. And that I can trust Him that he will finish the job.

I don't have and never have been in control.

And my grip on my life starts to loosen a little bit again.

And I remember that I am free.
I am free to be me.
Who cares who doesn't like it.
And that knowledge makes me smile for real. 

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