Monday, April 8, 2013

Maybe One Day...

This morning I woke up on the best possible side of the bed. The world is washed with the feeling of newness, the weather is promising a gorgeous spring day and I have the day off of work.

Maybe one day I will grow old, cynical, and view the world through a cracked and bitter lens.
Maybe one day I will stop being astounded at the fact that the color green exists and that I can smell bread baking.
Maybe one day I will become jaded, hardened, and not care that I live on a ball that is hurtling through the universe.
Maybe one day I will find that my sense of wonder has died.
Maybe one day I will find that I must do crazy things to make myself feel anything.
Maybe one day I will find that I do care not for fairy tales anymore and that I have come to believe that stories are only for children.
Maybe one day I will stop feeling as if all of life is an awfully grand adventure.
Maybe one day I will start feeling more scared of death and try to live life more carefully.
Maybe one day I will stop feeling a sense of awe when I think about grace, mercy, and love.
Maybe one day I will stop finding great enjoyment climbing trees, swinging on hammocks, prayer, waffles, good conversation, laughter with friends, bowls of cereal, walking through words, smelling flowers, baby animals, reading books, autumn, boots, scarves, SPRING, shorts, cinnamon rolls, long walks, soft blankets, swishy skirts, the feel of the wind through my hair and a cup of tea.
Maybe one day...
But today is not that day.

I lay outside late last night reading in the hammock-until my hands felt like ice. Then I stopped reading, I buried my hands under my down comforter that I had dragged outside to accompany me and stared up at the sky beneath the spindly branches of the oak tree that I was resting under.

I thought about how I simultaneously feel incredibly ancient and also like a young naive girl at the same time. I wondered how it was possible that I am told that I am pretty mature and yet incredibly childlike at the same time. I wondered how it can be that I filled at one moment with joy and gratefulness for the life I have here on earth-and yet have a deep yearning for the holy shores of  uncreated light. I am a creature consisting of many dichotomies. 

I thought about how dark the branches looked against the midnight blue sky, I looked at the stars and marveled at the fact that there galaxies and universes out there besides the one that I reside in, I looked at the horizon and was reminded anew of the absolute ridiculousness that I was in a small hammock on a ball that is spinning and twirling through space at over a thousand miles an hour (gravity is quite an amazing thing), and I thought how absurd platypuses look.

Maybe you think I am only like this because I am young, naive, and you think simply think the world has just dealt me a good hand...but one day I will grow up.
I am sorry if you think me to simplistic and childish.

Maybe one day my heart will grow old and I will begin to think and act like a stodgy adult to please you people. is not that day.
Sunshine and Freckles.

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