Thursday, September 25, 2008

It was beautiful out today and gorgeous out tonight.

Equilibrium is a really good movie--no seriously it's a really really good movie. It reminded me of the book--The Giver. I liked that book as well.

Also...snap...I forgot what I was going to say....

Does anyone even read this anymore? My ramblings?

I'm not sure.

I read this kind of entertaining article today...It was about how disarm Al Qaeda....

Fall is here. At least it was here today--it made me happy.

Going on walks and noticing little things like how the double layer of clouds roll across the sky, the way the wind blows through the trees, and the way the wind feels across your face is amazing...yes.

Goodnight worldddd.

Life huh?

Going back and reading my journal from early June is kind of entertaining; I was kind of dramatic and

June 12 2008 11 AM
"Last night I feel asleep listening too Never Forget Grace. It was amazingishness. I was just crying and telling God that I couldn't do this, at least on my own there was no way I could possibly do this.

I can't do this. I simply can't. I can't deal with this.

I can't do the right thing, I can't deal with everyone having different stories. I can't see truth, I can't love, I can't have joy, I can't have patience, I can't trust, and I can't have faith.

I can't.

That is my mantra right now. doesn't stop there though does it?

Seriously as I'm crying on my pillow last night, with the thought of my hopes and dreams crashing down around me I heard God whisper--"Oh but Ming I AM and I can. You're right, you can't. You are not able to do any of those things. You can't do them. period. It's not you + me that gets the job done, it's not you + my grace that will help you be able to make it through right now. No Ming. That's not how it works. It's Me. Period end of story. It's Me and Me alone that will help you through this. When you don't think you can do this, when you're at the end of yourself is when I will, I will come through for you. I promise Ming, trust my promise, I will come through for you. [Last part removed cause I can. =P]"

I lay crying on my bed and felt my worries, pains, and anxious thoughts slowly fade away. I buried my head in my pillow and there really weren't any words left in me. I'd love to say that I prayed this beautiful eloquent prayer thanking God for how good he is to me--but I couldn't find anything. My heart was to full to speak.

Italicsed is God just in case you couldn't figure that out. ; )

I can't do the right thing.
I can.

I can't deal with everyone having different stories.
I can.

I can't see truth.
I AM truth.

I can't love.
I AM love.

I can't have joy.
I can give you joy.

I can't have patience.
I AM the beginning middle and end, fall into me.

I can't trust.
I can give you trust.

I can't have faith.
Yes, you can. Remember I'm here.

My God is so amazing.
So Faithful
Jim Elliston

I don't understand,
How your grace can reach me just as I am. [how is this?????]
I can't comprehend,
The touch of mercy that comes from your hands.

So faithful, my Father
You never change how much you care for me
So faithful, Redeemer
The blood you shed has sealed your love for me.

You ran out to meet me, broken and needy.
You wrap me in Your robes of robes of royalty

For in the quiet you whisper my name
As a father to a son coming home once again
And my response to your passionate call
Is to humble myself and give you my all."
 June 14 2008.
Riding the Wave

So life is crazy. The end.I've decided that that pretty much sums it up. Life=crazy. *nod*

How am I doing?

Really? Honestly? Seriously?

I'm not even sure.

I've never been this emotional in my life.

I think I'll be doing ok and then 30 seconds later be in tears.

One minute I'll be telling God that I have faith and then the next minute be crying and telling him I don't understand.

Oh the joys of being me. =P

To be perfectly honest though I'm doing better today than I was doing Wednesday and Thursday or even yesterday.

I was/am a silly girl--but I have a fantastic God. =)

1 comment:

Justin said...

Yes, Ming, it is amazing how your mood changes under different circumstances. ....