Sunday, January 6, 2008



[yup that pretty much sums it up.]
  1. I promise not to be emo or depressed though.
  2. God really is amazing.
  3. If I act depressed just like smack me or something. 'Cause I have absolutely no reason too. [well...nvm]
  4. God loves me. And that is enough. Promise.
[Note: my mom is amazing. as is my Lauren friend.]
"And yet, we are sick with sin. Jesus was being ironic (wasn't he?) when he said he'd come not for the healthy, but for the sick. He knows: We're all terminal. We're hopeless, addicted, hooked on ourselves." [the article is an amazingly good read. Or I thought so.]

I'm a incredibly, hopelessly, addicted to myself. I'm sick. Yet I try to hide it sometimes. I hate being a disappointment to people....but guys, this is me. I'm going to screw up---alot. I do wrong things and I do right things for wrong reasons. I'm so glad Jesus didn't come for people who have their lives "together". Or I'd be in trouble. =P

You know---I think if I have joy now at this moment there's something of worth it in. Versus if like everything were going according to how I would want it go. Does that make sense? I really really, really, really, really do trust my amazing Father who loves me. And that He works all things for my good. Even my screw ups. [I'm so immature, selfish, unthoughtful, and stupid guys]

I think that's the hardest thing for me to grasp. I mean it's easier for me to wrap my mind around the fact that God can use what other people intend for bad for His glory. But my sin? My screw ups? They seem so....prevalent and pervasive and....hopeless. But He does. And how amazing is that?

You know while there's something that I dread about people seeing me mess up. a way, I'm so glad when it happens. When the light is shined on my sin---it's awful. But it's freeing. Because you aren't worried about people finding out. They know. You aren't worried about having to maintain a "good image". They know better.

Now I'm not saying we don't strive with all that we have to obey God and not sin. I don't mean that at all. What I'm saying is that...well I'm not even sure what I'm saying. But it's easier for me to really grow---instead of just trying to look like I am. When people know me. I mean really know me...there's almost some...relief in it.

Oh, my head is such a ridiculous place. Thanks for putting up with me. =P

Haha, also I nearly died today [well not really but it sounds more dramatic =P]. I looked like such a loser. We were in the woods and I like jumped on this tree that someone had just earlier unbeknownst to me knocked over. Well since it had just been tipped over, it rolled easily... from underneath my feet---and I landed flat on my back. Oh, and then! I was crossing over the like dried up creek ditch thing on a tree and the bark just like fell off where I stepped and I sorta fell off of it. I must have looked like an idiot. lol wow. . And I really should go out in the woods more--- I use to know better than to step on rotten logs. =P But yes, today wasn't tooo bad, it could have gone alot worse. I'd rather expect the worse though and be surprised. And no, I'm not that pessimistic. lol


Lauren said...

let's call that someone mark, cause it was mark. and he was trying to be coool knocking down a tree and all with his bare hands. and ming he didn't tip it, it took SOME effort :P

my fav part was mark laughing and asking if you were okay at the same time. that was great!

Ashlyn said...

haha, glad you didn't die, ming. yes, i am 'that ashlyn' that you met at sign-ups...i had to stop myself several times from going, 'hey aren't you that girl that is linked on sarah's blog?' really, i almost said that. it was nice to meet you, and i did get the spanish class!

Ming said...

Oh, and I don't think I need to be banned from the wood. No worries about me dying maybe being fatal wounded or something but I wouldn't die back there. I may die in the hospital but not back there. =P