Ok so I feel horrible. As I should. Sometimes I wonder why these things happen...and their timing. wow. And it's when I feel like this that I find it oh so hard to find joy. Like soo hard...
And then I feel because of how horrible I am that I shouldn't even have joy, it's hard for me to keep in perspective that my feelings shouldn't dictate my joy. Because the fact is I haven't changed I'm just as sinful as I was yesterday, but I just probably didn't think about it. It's really stinking hard though.
The fact is I'm human. I'm going to screw up...if not in this way it'll be in another way. You think I would have known better from last time wouldn't you? Guess not. Sorry guys I'm slow.
Probably the worst thing about it though is thinking yet not knowing if people are mad at you...like that just makes me sick. Especially if it's something I did wrong. Ahhhh why do I do the stuff I do... I know better, I should have learned.
God works all things together for good. Even if we don't see it at first.
This is exactly what I needed, I may not like it, want it , or think I needed it. But I did.
Dad...ok so I screwed up...again...imagine that.
I'm sorry. And I don't really know what else to say.
I'm so selfish and I don't think about stuff as much as I should.
Thanks for loving me in spite of it...I'll never get that. Help me to use this for your glory...somehow someway. As impossible as it may seem right now.
How can you look at me without disgust....ugh. I can't even do that. And you're perfect.
I love you so much...but only because you have let me and for that I thank you.
In a year this thing won't seem as big as it does right now, help me to keep an eternal perspective. Seriously though, as big as this is...it's nothing compared to heaven...and I need to get this.
Let this be something that drives me closer to you. If it does that...it'll be worth it. If you can use this to draw me closer...hmmmm. Then I can say without a doubt I'd love that. 'Cause nothing compares.
No comments:
Post a Comment