I was dead and now I'm alive, but I often forget that...
However all is not lost for here is the good news: Jesus loves me and is awfully fond of me despite my foibles and failures, mess ups and mistakes. And here is the incredible thing, when amidst sobs I gave up trying to be good, finally shed the mask of trying to appear like I had it all together, and just started running after Him who loved me no matter what... much to my amazement I got better anyways.
Grace, is not a past tense verb for me. Yes, amazing grace saved me, but the astonishing truth is that grace is saving me still. I was blind and I do now see, but only in part because daily I wake up and see new things hidden in plain sight all around me.
Hourly, I have to remind myself to peel back the old, cynical, adult scales that cover my eyes, rip and slash through the cynical hide that threatens to cloak my heart and see the glory that surrounds me. And then I notice the way sunlight plays on the water like a hundred impish frolicking fairies, the way the trees bend in the wind like they are just longing for the freedom to chase after it, I can revel in the resplendent sunshine that warms my soul as well as my skin, see the dandelions as the pieces of sunshine that they are, lay down in the thick cool shade of a towering oak to rest and remember that I am a child who is greatly loved and I often I take myself much too seriously, and then, then I smile.