Sunday, September 2, 2007


Another day gone by
And again I ask myself why
I question my sanity
Why I believe what I believe
Some might think that I am crazy
For believing in something I cannot see
So won't You now
Hold on to me, hold on
Hold on to me, yeah
Please don't let me go no, no, hold on
'Cause I am prone to wonder
Prone to leave this faith I know
Hold on
And now they say that the wise man
Well, he fears the Lord
And this fear, well, it's the beginning of all wisdom
And I must be a fool
'Cause I sure don't seem to fear You
'Cause the very things that You will me to do
Well, I just don't seem to get around to
The very things that You hate
Are the very things that I always stumble into
Hold on
'Cause I am prone to leave this faith I know
Prone to leave this God I love
Won't You hold on
Won't You hold on to me
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Now playing: Shawn McDonald - Hold On

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It's been a long weekend...lol
Hmmmm yeah....life.
You don't know how tempted I am to say like the "right" thing like "Oh I'm totally fine, I'm just trusting God in everything, and I know that everything will work out to His perfect plan." and act like I don't struggle at all. lol
But for the sake of being real and avoid being superficial-
The fact is that I do know that God is in my life (even when I screw up) but even as faithful as He has been the entirety of my life- I still struggle with it sometimes. As much I would love to say that I don't...I do. So guys I'm not perfect and for that I'm really sorry... I'm not a good influence all the time and I...don't know. lol
To believe that my circumstances right now are imperfectly perfect for me-that's hard for me to grasp right now.
I know it in my head. I've heard it my whole life, how could I not. =P But I'm having trouble
knowing it. lol Not that, that makes any sense at all.
I guess what I'm still clinging to and constantly reminding myself is that God is using
EVERYTHING in my life to bring Him glory and draw me oh so much closer to Him. Haha, even if I wouldn't have chosen the means...they're not for me to choose.
Once again I am called upon to step back and count the cost. Do I really want to be closer to God more than anything else on this earth? In this universe? Honestly?
If this it what it takes me to bring me closer to Him, to love Him more....Do I want it?
Hmmm haha this stuff sounds so introspective. Probably because it is. =P
For the last year I can't even remember how many times I have asked myself all these questions... And everytime I have been able to say, "Yes."
Yes I want God more than anything else. Yes, I want to be closer to Him no matter what. Yes, I want to love Him more even if it takes trials and losing things from this earth.
And He's been so faithful in that...
How can I answer differently this time?
I can't.
So...
Yes.

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