Monday, March 19, 2007

Frustration.



Yesterday we were running late to church because Ying wanted some soda or something so mom ran to Wal-Mart quick. So we got to church 20 mins late. Now if you know me, you know I hate being late. I always have. Since we were running late I was becoming short with my mom and my brothers. yeah. There was frustration, anger, impatience in my heart and it was sloshing and spilling over into my actions. As I was driving I just felt Him say "Uh yeah Ming, do you think I really care if you are on time? Great if you are, but if being late is causing you to act like this, why even go?" I stopped. And I started thinking about it. If Jesus was to come back right then I doubt he would have cared if I was in church or on my way there. Then it got me thinking, if God didn't care if I was late then why did I? Because I care what people think duhhh. Uhhh so then I started getting pretty ticked off at myself. AHHHH why can't I just love God???????????
If Jesus was to come back right. now. Would it matter if the house is a mess? If I had a 10 page paper to write? If we were running late? Or would it matter how I was responding to my circumstances.? I mean really!
Great, I'm in church. But DOES IT REALLY FREAKING MATTER IF MY HEART ISN'T FILLED, yeah FILLED with LOVE FOR GOD? I wish it wasn't so easy to fake. I could have gone and if God hadn't convicted me I could have held on my selfishness and self love and no one would have known. AHHHH and then there's the prideful part of me *which is all of me* that doesn't even want anyone to know or read this, because then "What if everyone thinks I'm always freaking about being late?". But you know I don't care. I don't.
Think I'm horrid, think I'm impatient, selfish, angry. Because that's what I am. I can NOT boast in anything save the CROSS. I'm refusing to fake it. You thinking I'm something I'm not isn't doing anything for me eternally. This time is but a drop in the cup. And I can't, can't waste it. Hear me on this. Please. Don't look at me, I'm nothing. Look only to my Savior. He is my only hope, I am only worth anything because of Him.
He loves ME, the horrid selfish unloving little person that I am. And He wants to be my EVERYTHING.
=D

All I have is by Your mercy
And all I have is all of grace
All I am is what Your love
Has made of me.

***I apologize for the picture I know it's lame but I couldn't find anything that I liked that fit.

2 comments:

Kah-Ta said...

Great post! :-D

And thanks for the laugh! Hahaha that picture is hilarious!

Saved_And_Dead said...

That's really humble of you to share that Ming.

I know I'm like that too. For me it more has to do with worshiping in public... I'm just to concerned with what my friends may think of me, more then what God would think.

One thing that has helped me, which I see you doing as well, is just laughing at myself when I do stupid stuff... Nothing better for that pride... =P