It was pretty great; Saturday I was re-listening to a sermon on the recommendation of a very good friend of mine. (thanks Lauren) It was first given at the first Sunday of this year and the basic gist of it was the pastor was asking everyone to evaluate their life and see how we plan things/assume things; such as what were they expecting to happen in 2007; and his point was that no matter how much we plan and assume stuff God's plan could be and probably is wayyy different from ours, and how we should be constantly evaluating our lives that we are doing what His will ect. It was amazing to listen to.
As I rode my bike listening to it, I started to think. So I paused it so I wouldn't be distracted and just started to really think and ponder how I never could/would have guessed what the past 8 going on 9 months of this year would have looked like back in January. I had even listened to this particular sermon when it came out back in January-- but it meant so much more to me now listening to it now.
This year has been a ride, that's for sure. My dad getting arrested started it all I do believe =P And you would think that would be enough. But then a small handful of things happened*a couple of you know what I'm talking about*and they weren't exactly trials that I would have chosen for myself.lol It seriously seemed like month after month some foreign and not particularly pleasant issue or thing was thrown into my life--and always just when I was becoming accustom to the last alien thing, something else without fail would pop up. So many times now I remember just praying "Why this...why now?" Knowing full well that it probably wasn't for me to know just then, but still it just felt better asking. lol I remember crying, praying, and God so kindly, graciously, and lovingly meeting me every time. Seriously every time...I appreciated it then but looking back at how faithful He was just makes me appreciate it more.. Knowing that there is reason for everything and that nothing that comes into my life doesn't pass through His hands first are probably the things that kept me sane. =P Oh and the fact that He loves me. =)
It's soooo comforting to know that everything that has happened to me has a purpose though...hmmm it's not like God was like, "Hey you know what! I think it would be humorous to watch Ming freak, so how about we chuck a monkey wrench in her life- maybe even more than one! In February lets have her dad arrested, lose his license for 5-6 months, and the criminal charges who knows when we'll let those be dropped. Oh and how about I allow her to become really good friends with someone just so I can take that friend away for kicks, cause I know she'd be even more upset about something like that than the thing with her dad."
No. Thank you Lord that you don't do that... haha
Everything, no seriously guys do you get this? Everything that has happened has been so purposeful...He loved me so much He wanted me to grow and mature in certain areas of my life. So kindly and lovingly, ohh soo lovingly he clips stuff out of my life so that I can grow. Held me over the fire to burn out the garbage. Are you getting this? Seriously? How amazing this is? I mean only God could do this... My pride, fear of man, selfishness, and it goes on and on. Slowly but surely it's being chipped away at. As my faith is stretched to the point where I know I can't trust and have faith in Him on my own I realize in a new way every time how utterly dependent I really am on Him. I'm brought to the end of myself which is where I need to be... He's also used all of this to draw me closer to Him and I have come to find that there is no place I would rather be than with Him...
I guess looking back at all the stuff I just hope and pray that I have been able to mature, develop character, and grow even in just a small small way because of all of this.
As all the stuff starts to look like it's beginning to clear up; my dad has his license back *though the criminal stuff isn't done yet* and I'm friends with that person again/still/I don't even know lol I just hope and pray that I can continue to remember that I need God for everything. When things are looking bad but also when things are looking better.
He's been so faithful, so kind, so graceful, so loving.
Scary thing about this is that I know I still have so far to go. As I pray "God help me become more like you no matter what the cost." There's a voice in the back of my head that says "Do you really want that, really mean that? No matter what the cost?" And there are times I don't think I do want it that bad...but I consider the prize. haha and then how could I not pay whatever the price? I have counted the cost. And I'm still all in. =)
Because He's so worth it...
Goodness I love him much =)
James 1:2-4
2 Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.
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